Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Houston, we have a problem

So. I'm at work, and as I often do at work, I get up to go to the bathroom. I walk out of the stall, look myself over in the mirror as I wash my hands and ... ohhhhhh, no. No, no, no, no, no, HELL TO THE NO.

I immediately walk back to my desk (this is my first mistake) and then (second mistake) ask the guy next to me if he notices anything different about my hair.

"What?" he says.

"Anything, you know ..." I start tugging on individual strands of hair to give him a clue, and then I just give up and half-blurt, half-scream: "DO YOU SEE A GRAY HAIR ON TOP OF MY HEAD? DO YOU? IS IT BLONDE OR IS IT GRAY? I CAN'T TELL BUT I THINK IT'S GRAY AND I KNOW I JUST HAD A BIRTHDAY BUT AHHHHHHH I CAN'T HANDLE THIS DAY OR THIS WEEK OR THIS WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE. I CANNOT HANDLE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW."

By now I've attracted a bit of a crowd, all male, who start picking through the top of my head like a bunch of monkeys.

"It's a little lighter, but it might just be the lighting in here. The lighting blows in this place."
"Look, it's shorter, like it's broken off. I don't think it's gray, I think it's just broken."
"My wife's younger than you and she has some gray hair. She's, like, REALLY self-conscious about it, too. Like, REALLY. Which, I mean, I can totally understand--" He's interrupted by one of the other guys: "Dude, NOT HELPING."
"I can't tell. I'm color blind." (Pause.) "Is there a color blind test online? I want to take it."

I resist the urge to yank it out, start rocking myself in the fetal position and pretend the whole sordid thing never happened, because you know if you do that you're cursed forever and, like, 75 million of them appear in its place. Now, I can't find it. Which means it really is blonde and is blending in with the rest of the blonde hair. Which is the story we are sticking to for the next day, week, month, 50 years if we have to.


At 8:05 PM, Blogger flea said...

umm i'm not seeing it..

on the other hand your hair color is really pretty!

and I don't know about you but i'm soooo greatful that I am a blond because we can hide the grey better than if we were brunette as it sort of blends in better..

either way though finding that first grey is NOT fun

At 9:09 PM, Blogger MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

There's no gray. You're delirious. But I love you.

And thank you sooooo much for the gift last week. It came at the absolute perfect time. I was a complete and utter wreck that day. It was like Swishy knew! We leave for Fla on Thurs. I need to go and veg. xoxoxoxo missing you!

At 10:54 PM, Blogger Melek said...

i dont see any grey at all. and yes, thank goodness for blonde hair...so far, no grey hair in my blonde locks.

At 12:00 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

*giggle* *snort* Sorry. I'm sure it was blonde, but I totally get it. And yeah... men are definitely no help there. But fun to be that fly on the wall!

At 9:24 AM, Blogger Bina said...

Oh my God. You are so funny!!! I freaking love your stories and now-a-days, I need a good laugh.

Send me your email to bina64@gmail.com so I can invite you to my blog, k?

At 11:26 AM, Blogger All of the Bitter, None of the Betty said...

Swishy- I only know you from reading your blog, but I love it. Your stories are funny and make my day better for reading them. And now for more randomness, here's my blog if you're interested, b/c I totally think we are a lot alike (but not in the creepy stalker kind of way, promise) http://bitterjenn.blogspot.com/

At 2:33 PM, Blogger Monnik said...

You crack me up.

I wish I was blonde. I have been noticing grays in my hair since I was about 28. They used to bug me. Now I just color them. :)

At 10:11 PM, Blogger Mary Ann said...

It had to be the lighting!

At 2:42 PM, Blogger Jess Riley said...

I'm with Manic...no gray! You should see the disaster on my head.

(Miss you!!!)

At 2:35 AM, Blogger Barrie said...

I don't think a grey hair would dare to show up on your head! ;)


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