Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Monday, December 07, 2009


Signs I have evolved as a human being:

* I decided to dust off the sewing machine I got in the height of my Project Runway fixation and make a little throw quilt for my mom for Christmas. Despite the fact that I very nearly broke into hives in the fabric store at the stress and pressure of it all, I managed to pick out the material and the thread all by myself, and I felt like a little mini-Martha Stewart just holding the bag as I walked out of the store.

* I am starting to realize that life is not all about me, in one of the very best ways--as in, if someone (or a group of someones) does not want to be friends with me, it does not mean there's anything wrong with me. (As I like to tell my friend Allee, you have to get to KNOW me first to decide you don't like me ... ha, I'm hilarious.) But really, that is my favorite part about getting older, not caring about stupid things quite so much.

* I have let a smidge of my vanity go and occasionally wear glasses out in public on my days off.

* Part II: I actually bought a winter coat based solely on the criterion that it is warm as opposed to cute and semi/not really warm.

Signs I have definitely not evolved as a human being:

* In the process of starting the quilt (and by "start," I mean, cut out a few squares) I might have set a new world record for the number of times one person has managed to say "shit" in a very short period of time. I also have announced that I am a "renaissance woman" at least a dozen times to my largely indifferent coworkers, which I think somewhat nullifies the point. ("That's nice," said one. "Will you make one for my cat?")

* I fail to recognize the connection between working out (sort of) with no visible effect and the consumption of lots of yummy holiday chocolates, cheeses and caramel corn.

* I still think life should be like a Julia Roberts movie. Or The Holiday. Both of which were on TBS yesterday. (Great movie weekend, TBS. I wholeheartedly approve!)

* I am seriously wondering if lighting a Christmas tree-scented candle (Fresh Balsam from Bath and Body Works, sooo good) in one room and a cookie-scented candle in another room is a good enough substitute for holiday decorating and baking.

* I totally forgot to transfer money from one account to another. I'm at the coffee shop for a little bit, but then I have to run a million and one errands (that require money in the one account) and I don't want to go home first, otherwise I'll never leave because I have the attention span of a guinea pig. So I logged into my bank account a couple of minutes ago but, once I'd entered my pin and security question, I totally started to freak out about some hacker getting into my account, so I logged out and did the transfer over the phone. I am now completely obsessing about becoming Sandra Bullock in The Net, which all could have been avoided if I'd transferred it at home when I first thought about it. Please tell me I'm not going to get my identity stolen for being stupid and logging into my bank account in a public place. I logged RIGHT out, no one was looking over my shoulder and I promise I'll never do it again. I swear. Please, please, please???

(Clearly, I still have a little way to go.)


At 12:37 PM, Anonymous angelawd said...

Oh Swishy, you've come such a long way!

I'm sure your identity is just fine. And kudos to you for resisting baking and decorating. Candles are a great equivalent (if you remember to light them).

At 1:11 PM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

You're doing great! (I know that sounds sarcastic, but picture me making a "No really, I mean it" face).

The two candles are sufficient holiday cheer (look pretty, not loud, smell nice...what more is there?) and you won't be hacked or stalked.

And 2010 will be a spectacular year for us all :)

At 10:48 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

Nope, the two candles don't suffice. You at least need to buy some real cookies, but baking them is so much fun (and easier than a quilt, I might add).

18 days until Christmas. Will the quilt be done in time? I'm skeptical, but only because the whole concept gives ME hives! ;)

At 4:52 PM, Blogger Monnik said...

I work for the eBusiness/online banking team of one of the largest banks in the country. As long as you logged out your information is totally secure. Cross my heart and hope to die.

And I love the epiphany regarding not caring what others think of you. It's the best part of getting older, I think!

At 3:48 PM, Blogger Jess Riley said...

Miss you, lady!

I'm a huge scented candle person around the holidays. In summer, it's like, "Meh."

At 11:24 PM, Blogger pbh said...

This is fantastic. I love reading your blog -- it's refreshing!!

And about the decorations- at least get some cheap, tacky lights!! :)

At 9:00 AM, Blogger JanuskieZ said...

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At 12:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your blog always makes me laugh and for that I thank you. I think your doing great. Look at all the major changes you had to make this year. We are talking major and you are doing just fine. I think better than fine. Hang in there, you'll come into yourself and learn more and more about YOU every single day!

Personally, I vote for the candles.

At 3:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...



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