Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Happy merry holidays

I hope you're all having a great week! I guest-blogged last-minute gift ideas the other day at the lovely Miss Karen's blog ... check it out, and I'll see you in a couple days!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Things I am loving right now

* The new show Men of a Certain Age on TNT. I am especially loving Ray Romano, in a vaguely dirty way I can't quite put my finger on. I'm not alone in this--I went to the very awesome Television Without Pity the other day and there's all kinds of Ray love. "I am actually finding RR to be kinda attractive," said one person. "Does anyone else find that Ray Romano looks kind of sexy?" said another. This might be a good time to point out that his character is a total schlub whose wife left him because of his gambling addiction, which basically proves every social theory ever about how women generally think a man who can be saved/fixed/rescued is about the hottest thing since Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise.

* The latest Alicia Keys song Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart, more specifically the 1:45-1:55 mark. Nobody loves a good blend of pretty and angsty more than yours truly.

* Mindy Kaling, the girl who writes for The Office and plays Kelly Kapoor on the show. Her Twitter page is so funny/true, and she just wrote this great essay for the New York Times about her imaginary husband and kids. Which transitions nicely to ...

* The incredibly hot guy I saw at the gym. He was tall and cute and he actually brought a magazine to read while he worked out, like a real magazine (GQ). Guys never read when they work out! They watch, like, Cops or SportsCenter or The Simpsons, or themselves in the mirror. He must be smart, I thought to myself, and that was all the permission I needed to stand behind him a few more seconds than is socially appropriate to ogle his sweet little booty. (And then I might have possibly snapped out of my daze, walked into a wall and spilled half of my water bottle on the floor ... but let's talk more about that sweet tuchus!)

* My complete domination in the kitchen lately. (We're counting the holiday cookies and definitely NOT counting the way overcooked and completely inedible salmon from the other night. I am the only person on the planet who cannot make a grown-up dinner, I swear.)

* That blanket I made for my mom for Christmas. I hate it and love it at the same time. Here were the two problems at work here: I had no idea what the hell I was doing (thank you, Google, for holding my hand and whispering sweet words of encouragement) and I have this issue with details. As in, I obsess over them a little/a lot (and thank YOU, seam ripper!). But after one marathon eight-hour session to finish the thing, interrupted only by trips to the bathroom and copious chocolate-covered pretzels, we have a blanket.

Can I point out one more thing here? The fact that this is in one piece is all the more impressive considering it was done by a girl whose very worst grade of her academic career (a big fat D) came in eighth-grade Sewing class. (Although I somewhat beg to differ on the D. One of my projects was a telephone pillow, and while the numbers are long gone, I still own that telephone pillow and it's all still mostly in one piece. Take that, Mrs. Eighth-Grade Sewing Teacher!)

Photographic evidence:

* The little string of white lights over my living room window. I did make a holiday decorating concession or two, and that is one of them. They make everything look festive and pretty at night, and they go splendidly with the Christmas tree-scented candle.

* All of you. I hope you're having a great week. Have a wonderful holiday!

Monday, December 07, 2009


Signs I have evolved as a human being:

* I decided to dust off the sewing machine I got in the height of my Project Runway fixation and make a little throw quilt for my mom for Christmas. Despite the fact that I very nearly broke into hives in the fabric store at the stress and pressure of it all, I managed to pick out the material and the thread all by myself, and I felt like a little mini-Martha Stewart just holding the bag as I walked out of the store.

* I am starting to realize that life is not all about me, in one of the very best ways--as in, if someone (or a group of someones) does not want to be friends with me, it does not mean there's anything wrong with me. (As I like to tell my friend Allee, you have to get to KNOW me first to decide you don't like me ... ha, I'm hilarious.) But really, that is my favorite part about getting older, not caring about stupid things quite so much.

* I have let a smidge of my vanity go and occasionally wear glasses out in public on my days off.

* Part II: I actually bought a winter coat based solely on the criterion that it is warm as opposed to cute and semi/not really warm.

Signs I have definitely not evolved as a human being:

* In the process of starting the quilt (and by "start," I mean, cut out a few squares) I might have set a new world record for the number of times one person has managed to say "shit" in a very short period of time. I also have announced that I am a "renaissance woman" at least a dozen times to my largely indifferent coworkers, which I think somewhat nullifies the point. ("That's nice," said one. "Will you make one for my cat?")

* I fail to recognize the connection between working out (sort of) with no visible effect and the consumption of lots of yummy holiday chocolates, cheeses and caramel corn.

* I still think life should be like a Julia Roberts movie. Or The Holiday. Both of which were on TBS yesterday. (Great movie weekend, TBS. I wholeheartedly approve!)

* I am seriously wondering if lighting a Christmas tree-scented candle (Fresh Balsam from Bath and Body Works, sooo good) in one room and a cookie-scented candle in another room is a good enough substitute for holiday decorating and baking.

* I totally forgot to transfer money from one account to another. I'm at the coffee shop for a little bit, but then I have to run a million and one errands (that require money in the one account) and I don't want to go home first, otherwise I'll never leave because I have the attention span of a guinea pig. So I logged into my bank account a couple of minutes ago but, once I'd entered my pin and security question, I totally started to freak out about some hacker getting into my account, so I logged out and did the transfer over the phone. I am now completely obsessing about becoming Sandra Bullock in The Net, which all could have been avoided if I'd transferred it at home when I first thought about it. Please tell me I'm not going to get my identity stolen for being stupid and logging into my bank account in a public place. I logged RIGHT out, no one was looking over my shoulder and I promise I'll never do it again. I swear. Please, please, please???

(Clearly, I still have a little way to go.)