Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Monday, November 30, 2009

The answers to life's biggest questions

So ... You’ve Got Mail is on. Definitely, Maybe was on earlier today, and Love Actually was on a couple of days ago. The only thing missing is a Julia Roberts movie, preferably My Best Friend’s Wedding or The Runaway Bride. All of this quality Thanksgiving week programming has me thinking about romantic movies, specifically the lessons they teach and the hard-hitting questions they raise. Such as ...

Is it possible to completely make yourself over into a different person by plucking your eyebrows and taking off your glasses? The eyebrows are a good start, but otherwise, no. No, it is not.

Do nice guys get the girls in the end? I think so. We sure do like to torture ourselves with the naughty boys first, though, don’t we?

Are any of the following effective ways to get the girl: singing to her, showing up at her house unannounced with a boom box/love poem/bouquet of flowers, outright stalking her? The only time a serenade is not an 11.5 on an awkwardness scale of 1 to 10 is if you’re Tom Cruise and you’re singing You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling with 15 of your closest friends. Stalking seems to work wonders in the movies, but as a general rule I’d stay away from it unless you want a date with a judge instead. (That said, I continue to be amazed by men’s ability to wear women down in real life. Like, FINE, I will go out with you, just stop making me mix CDs and writing cryptic messages on my Facebook wall.)

Do people really profess their love in crowded places, followed by applause? I mean ... do they?

Can you fall in love over email and/or snail mail? (Sleepless in Seattle and You’ve Got Mail, I’m looking at you.) Possibly. As long as there’s some sort of vetting process to weed out the perverts and predators, possibly. Gentlemen reading this blog, my email address is on the righthand side of the page. Let’s see you charm the cynicism right out of me.

If a guy sees you in the produce aisle at the grocery store and thinks you’re cute, but you and your cart walk out of his life before he can say anything, will he go to incredible lengths to track you down and ask you out? No, Craigslist Missed Connections does not count!

Do opposites attract? We see this all the time in movies: the rich guy and the poor girl, the cool girl and the nerdy guy. I would say yes, of course they attract, the opposite-ness is in fact a huge turn-on, but do they last? Or did the girl in Can't Buy Me Love end up kicking Patrick Dempsey to the curb before he went to medical school and got a job at Seattle Grace?

Do the best kisses happen in the pouring rain? They can, as long as no one’s drowning.

Is it normal for people to attack one another, kissing frantically against a wall, after months of pent-up tension? Or is this more likely to result in a restraining order? Discuss.

Is unrequited love more interesting than love that’s reciprocated? I will say this, it definitely makes for a better soundtrack.

Can men and women be friends? This is possibly my favorite romantic movie question of all time. The answer is yes, but you always have to think about the what if factor, even if the “what if” is immediately followed by a “hell no.” It’s like an imaginary Choose Your Own Adventure book. Like, would he be a good kisser? If the timing had been just a teeny, tiny bit different, would we have hooked up and fallen madly in love instead of falling into the friend zone? Or, even if you KNOW it would be a total train wreck, just HOW BIG of a train wreck would it be? Would it at least be a fiery, smoking hot train wreck?

I guarantee each half of a male-female friendship knows the answer to the question "Could I?" Even if the answer is no, or maybe, or yes, but only in 10 years if he hasn’t found anyone and I haven’t found anyone and we both want a baby, you still know the answer.

That said ... I hear friends DO listen to Endless Love in the dark.


At 7:00 AM, Blogger Jenster said...

Wow. This is a lot to ponder. I need my coffee first. But thank you for this thought provoking (and highly entertaining) post.

At 9:31 AM, Blogger Monnik said...

Is it normal for people to attack one another, kissing frantically against a wall, after months of pent-up tension? Or is this more likely to result in a restraining order? Discuss.

I have always wanted to do this... and yet, being married with three critters kind of takes this scenario out of the picture. Not that we don't have our moments, mind you, it's just that the pent up tension isn't really there.

At 9:44 AM, Blogger MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Oh my God, you sooo need to write for the sitcoms or the Grey's ANatomy's out there.


At 8:22 PM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

Girl, you went deep on this one! Please tell me you're working out the answers to these important questions in a novel that will be available at a bookstore near me soon? ;)

And frantic attack kissing hurts-soft, gentle kisses are much better!

At 10:14 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

Wow those are some deep questions. Although having read my share of trashy (historical at least) novels over the last week while trying to cope with my in-laws, I have to say some of that mad kissing in the rain or after months of tension did sound awfully nice....

Do share those emails you get btw.

At 3:47 PM, Anonymous lbck said...

How about meeting a girl at the airport with flowers, somewhat restrained hard kissing at the terminal, then going to the car, followed by unrestrained french kissing while waiting to drive out of the airport parking lot?

At 12:56 AM, Blogger Stephanie said...

My friend is obsessed with Craigslist missed connections.

At 8:52 AM, Blogger Beth said...

Love Actually....god do I freaking LOVE that movie. I mean, I cry every single time I watch it..all the stories that melt in together...its the best. But I love where the cute guy tells Kierra Knightly that he loves her outside her door...where he writes it all on big pieces of paper stuff. LOVE THAT STORY!!!

ahhhhhh, I think I love love.

At 2:01 PM, Anonymous angelawd said...

"Do the best kisses happen in the pouring rain? They can, as long as no one’s drowning." Or unless someone's getting water up the nose.

How about: do guys actually surprise girls with an extremely public surprise wedding proposal? Followup question: What kind of idiot would do that?

At 10:57 AM, Blogger Karen said...

My sister is also obsessed with Craiglist missed connections. And she got one -- quite possibly one of her best days ever!

At 4:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great minds think alike........................................


Post a Comment

<< Home