Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

South of the border

I am back and I did not die of swine flu! Yay! I did, however, end up working about as many hours as I missed when I got back, which is why it has taken me forever and a day to post about my non-death.

Sigh. Anyway.

First of all, the quick overview: I went with a couple of friends, and we flew down Thursday and came back Monday. It was my first real vacation-vacation in like four years, and I had such a lovely time. We did nothing. Nothing, nothing, nuhhhhhhhhh-thing, unless you count getting out of bed, eating, dragging a chair into the ocean and sleeping/reading all day as something, in which case we did a LOT.

The room:

The view from where we ate lunch every day:

The form I had to fill out upon both arrival and departure, which apparently was sufficient enough to award me with a clean bill of health:

Of course, you know I had to have my little calamaties thrown in here and there. There was a little bit of an issue checking in, during which I got to spend 20 fantastic minutes on hold with Expedia customer service, staring at the ocean but SO. FAR. AWAY. from it, but whatever, not the end of the world. Much more traumatic was my toilet paper experience. As in, I went into the lobby bathroom, practically hopping up and down I had to pee so bad, emptied about a gallon's worth of pina coladas and Diet Coke from my bladder (definitely no water, because while the bathrooms were lovely, I didn't want to spend THAT much time in them) only to find ... there was no toilet paper. THAT experience.

The first thing you usually do in those situations is see if there is a friendly soul in the stall next to you who can pass some toilet paper over the door. No dice. Next, I looked in my bag for a Kleenex, a napkin, a crumpled piece of paper with my pre-trip to-do list, ANYTHING. Nope.

(I had JUST SHOWERED. Not using some form of toilet paper was NOT AN OPTION.)

I tried reaching under the stall into the stall next to mine. I crouched on the floor, coming dangerously close to pulling a Britney on anyone who dared walk in, and almost popped my shoulder out of its socket reaching around for the toilet paper dispenser on the wall. Finally, FINALLY, my fingers found the plastic edge of the dispenser. I reached in and ...


Meanwhile, my friend was outside waiting for me, and I started to calculate how long it would take for her to come in and rescue me. Five minutes? Five hours? Would she be swept off her feet by a dashing Latin lover and forget all about me? Would I DIE here, the stubborn girl who forgot the cardinal rule of public bathrooms: CHECK FOR TOILET PAPER FIRST.

The door clanged open. "Excuse me?" I said. No response. I tried again. "Excuse me?" In my head, I'm like, how do you say toilet paper, how do you say toilet paper, WHY DO I NOT REMEMBER HOW DO SAY TOILET PAPER FROM NINTH-GRADE SPANISH?

And then the toilet flushed and I grabbed my chance. I pulled my dress tight around my knees, leaned forward and swung open the door. "Hi," I said. "Can you, um, pass me some toilet paper?" She was beautifully dressed, and looked at me for a second like, you've seriously, SERIOUSLY, got to be kidding me. And then she ripped off a piece, threw it in my general direction and ran away.

I did not use that bathroom again for the rest of the trip.

The other thing that happened was on the morning we left. I woke up, my face all mashed into the pillow, and was like, "I feel like I have a fat lip." I sat up and ran my tongue across my lips. "Oh, yeah," I said. "I DEFINITELY have a fat lip." I had a million mosquito bites from the night before, so naturally my first glass-half-full reaction was that it was some rare strain of some horrible disease, but really, they were just puffy from my sitting in salt water for eight hours ... and BONUS! I had Angelina Jolie lips for a morning!

A couple more pictures because I am obnoxious like that:

The sand castle I started to build on the beach.



At 8:09 PM, Blogger MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Yay! SHe's ALIVE! And even bigger YAY--I am posting first! LOL! Missed you a ton!

And your room looks nicer than the one Mr. Manic and I stayed in. Were you in Cancun? I can't remember ...

At 8:53 PM, Blogger Mary Ann said...

Your room was beautiful. Glad you had a good time and no flu!

At 10:16 PM, Blogger Mandy said...

Sounds like a great time, minus the toilet paper incident.

At 10:31 PM, Blogger flea said...

i'm so jealous and hate you a little bit (for the moment, it won't last)

glad u had a great time - minus the bathroom experience

At 11:28 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

Glad you had fun -- I was beginning to wonder what happened to the blog! I love the unmade bed :) I could so use a good vacation. Oh wait. I'm going to Vegas and staying at the Wynn on Friday. Problem solved ;) Yours does sound way more fun than mine though -- I'm all about the chair on the beach and reading and doing NOTHING!

At 11:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I promise to always check on you in public restrooms from now on. Every week when I get my travel email with specials, I keep checking on prices. Then I remember that we can't actually go back yet--since we have JOBS!!!


At 9:34 AM, Blogger Andie said...

i've had that happen to me quite a bit. I used to carry a travel pack of toilet paper because I kept getting stuck in places that didn't have any. LOL

Glad you had a good time! Aren't vacations where you do absolutely nothing like that the best?

At 10:31 AM, Blogger Bina said...

Aside from the bathroom incident, sounds like you had a GREAT time! Fat lipped and all. That place, and the room, are just beautiful!!!!

Bet you're glad you're back, huh? LOL LOL LOL

At 10:20 PM, Blogger Karen said...

Ugh, isn't it so much better when you can ease back into work? This is like a 1% statistical probability of ever happening. Also, very relieved you came back flu-free. Did you wear masks on the beach like Spencer & Heidi?!!!

At 2:05 AM, Blogger KATE said...

WEll I'm SO glad you didn't die of swine flu or some other crazy thing!
I'm also SO sorry to hear about your horrible toilet paper experience! I h.a.t.e. that! I mean really, NOTHING is worse than having to drip dry!
Glad you had a great time!!

At 10:05 PM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

You made it! We were beginning to worry! Although it sounds like you came dangerously close to being marooned in that stall forever (the buddy system is key to public bathrooms...)

Wait! I'm having a flashback...was it you or Manic who almost used the super-gross bathroom in the parking garage in Chicago???

At 2:56 PM, Blogger Vanessa said...

Glad it was a great vacation and those are some fantastic pictures you took.

The TP situation? That just sucks.

At 7:35 PM, Blogger Beth said...

oh My Swishy...how I've missed you!!!! and gurrrrrl, these things only happen to you!!!! I always know when I come here..there will be a story with lots of suspense thrown in for good measure!!!!



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