Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Calling all haters

OK, I do not consider a spoiler alert to be necessary here because I swear every website on the planet is buzzing about this right now, but OH, MY GOSH, THE BACHELOR!!! I knew every last detail of what was supposed to happen on that finale because I couldn't resist (read: was obsessed with) the spoilers and I STILL was like, holy crap, I hope Melissa slams her stiletto squarely in his groin right now for doing that to her on national TV.

One of my very favorite things in the world to do is read Television Without Pity when something like this happens. Hell hath no fury like women who see another woman scorned on television and then go on message boards to comment on it:

"This guy is a sociopath."
"Jason now has the well-deserved title as "Worst Bachelor"/World's Biggest Asshole."
"He shouldn't be allowed to raise geraniums, let alone a child, after what he put that poor girl Melissa through."
"Jason, you are an emotional juvenile who has no business proposing to anybody until you grow up."
"He is a tiny little weak-willed man who cannot possibly risk being overshadowed by the woman he is with."
"It won't be long before Jason is found in an empty bathtub, curled up in the fetal position, crying. This guy has problems."

I have been laughing all day, and I do mean all day. Someone called him the most hated man on TV, and I remembered this post I read on EW.com a few months ago: TV Characters You Irrationally Hate (which quickly expanded to "TV characters you RATIONALLY hate"). So, in honor of the Fakest Nice Guy in Bachelor history, a few TV characters I could never stand:

Phoebe, Friends. I never got the point. How long was that show on, like 10 years? I don't think I ever ONCE laughed at something she said.

Andie, Dawson's Creek. Ughhh, she drove me crazy. She was such a little snotty know-it-all and I did NOT get what Pacey ever saw in her. She also wore the most ridiculous makeup. There is this great scene, this PHENOMENAL scene, where Pacey and Joey are dancing and he fingers this bracelet she's wearing, and he remembers all about where she got it, and she's like how do you remember that, and he leans into her hair and whispers, "I remember everything." And the whole thing is almost ruined by the camera panning over to dumb Andie with her dumb makeup--there are literally wide, white circles around her eyes. She looks like a little kid who did her "makeup" with sidewalk chalk. I was like, ugh, Andie, you are SO DONE.

Rita, Dexter. It's the voice. I cannot STAND her voice, all breathy and whiny and "I'm a victim"-y. Like, ALL RIGHT. You're a delicate flower who's been wounded by your own horrific taste in men. PLEASE STOP TALKING LIKE A 6-YEAR-OLD NOW.

Basically any recurring guest star on Grey's Anatomy. Ava and Denny, I'm looking at you. I couldn't even look at Ava and Denny made my skin crawl every time he came on screen. Shonda Rhimes had a complete, massive 12-year-old middle-school crush on him, and I was like, what planet does she live on? Planet Lech and Leer? He COMPLETELY skeeves me out. (I'm not even counting this season of dead ghost sex with Izzy. I have all the episodes on the DVR but I haven't mustered up the will to watch them yet.)

Lynne, The Real Housewives of Orange County. Total doormat and blander than a saltine cracker. I do feel bad for her when the other girls make fun of her, though, because she's so clueless.

Audrina, The Hills. Speaking of clueless. The very first time I saw her, I was like, holy crap, there is NOTHING THERE. Literally, you look at her eyes, and it's like trying to stare at the bottom of a dark well. There's NOTHING. Every time she talks, all I hear is: "Blah blah, Justin Bobby, blah blah, like, blah blah, totally, blah blah, Lo's mean, blah blah, I can't decide what dress to wear." I totally have to fast-forward every time I see her.

What about you? Which TV characters/personalities do you love to hate?


At 12:39 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

Dead ghost sex, seriously? Oh I'm so disappointed. I haven't watched Grey's this season because it conflicted with the Office and then my work laptop won't let me watch Flash 10 so... I'm out of the loop. And maybe that's a good thing.

At 1:04 AM, Blogger Cecily R said...

I SO agree with you on the whole Andie thing. She drove me bonkers!

And most of the cast of Grey's is bugging me lately. Its like a trainwreck. I have to watch, but I always look away every few minutes...

At 8:24 AM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

You are SO right about Lynne on TRHOC--it's like there's no there, there. But most of that cast makes my Ugh List, truth be told. They're just plastic place holders for my girls Bethenny and Jill from NYC. LOVE them :)

At 8:43 AM, Blogger Barb said...

Okay ~ so I know he's the "star" of the show but Zach Braff on Scrubs. Of course this season has been downhill all the way but it was funny once upon a time. But JD always annoyed me.

At 11:59 AM, Blogger Patti said...

lynn? what about vickie? oh man, i want to pull her hair every single time she speaks.

whew, i feel better now.

At 12:20 PM, Blogger Michael said...

Horatio on CSI:Miami. The head tilt and the sunglasses drive me insane. It's like nails on a chalkboard.

At 5:31 PM, Blogger Karen said...

You got that right about Andie! I also secretly hated Dawson 80% of the time.

I hated Alex on the O.C. Having Marissa switch teams was totally lame. OH! And Caleb's secret daughter Lindsay. Season 2 wasn't the best.

Ok, and this is my last nomination: Nikki and Paolo on Lost. Even the writers realized and suddenly jumped ship!

At 5:40 PM, Blogger Karen said...

PS: Television without Pity is the BEST! Their recaps are amazing.

At 8:36 PM, Blogger MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

: (

I can't play in these Reindeer games cuz I don't watch very much TV. Waaaaah.

At 10:30 PM, Blogger Stephanie said...

I didn't watch The Bachelor all season but I watched After the Rose. I was yelling at my TV because he was such a douche.

I did like Denny but the writing for him sometimes was skeevy. But I can't watch that show anymore. I hated "Little Grey" plus some of the main characters.

At 11:26 AM, Blogger Lainey-Paney said...

dead ghost sex w/ Denny is definitely up there on the weird factor.

dawson's creek: blows.

your quote about audrina: ''blah blah justin bobby blah blah''
love it!

no comments on the real housewives of NY?

At 1:36 AM, Anonymous courtney said...

Okay, so, I didn't think that I hated any characters, but then I read the comments. Oh yeah.

So I second Andie on Dawson's Creek because seriously? Blegh. I looooved Joey. Dawson was a bit whiney, too.

Nikki and Paulo from LOST, totally. What a waste of an episode they were!

I hated Cordelia Chase in Buffy, but I loved her in Angel.

At 8:45 PM, Blogger Bina said...

Well, let's see. If I hate a character, I don't watch the show because I really hate that person so bad i can't even look at them. But I can't think of any right now! Let me see...

There was one survivor, but I can't remember which one, that I hated one of the people SO bad I stopped watching it that season.

At 12:28 PM, Blogger Beth said...

well, I guess she DID have a show on tv, so...I hate Paris Hilton. No explanation needed.

and Rachael Ray

and ALL the New York Housewives...BITCHES every one of them.

and Vicki from Orange County....HATE her.

I'll have to get back to ya with the rest! ;)


At 5:52 PM, Blogger Kristabella said...

Oh God, I'm so with you with Andie. I disliked her immensely.

Also, Lynn is a good call to on Real Housewives. I think they didn't have anyone else on short notice when Laurie up and left.

I actually liked Denny up until they kept bringing him back as a dead guy, over and over. You're dead. GO AWAY!

At 2:17 PM, Blogger Melek said...

Ross - Friends. They turned him into such a douche towards the end...I just couldn't stand him.

Orange County Choppers - I dont like anyone on this show, but my BF makes me watch it.

The Apprentice - Donald Trump. What a pompus ass. Constantly interrupting people. SUCH bad hair. and have you seen the way his house is decorated? UGGH!! so tacky.

Amy - Everybody Loves Raymond - weakling. Can't stand it. and she's funny looking.

American Idol - Simon, Randy, Paula...they can keep the new one, she's ok. and Ryan's at least funny and composed.

At 10:09 AM, Blogger kim said...

Funny Mel should mention Ryan Secrest -- I can't stand him. I don't get why he's everywhere -- he's a dime a dozen moron.


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