He's just not that into you
(No spoilery-ish details about the movie, I promise!)
OK. So. I've become a little bit of a "He's just not that into you" expert the past couple of years. I saw the episode of Sex and the City and I read the book and I watched Greg Behrendt's appearances on Oprah and I even read the kinda-sequel "It's Called a Break-up Because it's Broken." The whole thing has been kind of a hot topic at work lately. Every time the commercial for the movie came on at work, we'd start talking about it.
We talked about the phone call thing ...
Guy: So the whole premise is that if a guy doesn't call a girl, then he doesn't like her?
Me: Not the WHOLE premise. Part of the premise. If a guy likes you, he'll call you.
Guy: Why can't the girl call the guy?
Me: Why can't the GUY call the GIRL? Are his fingers broken?
Guy: Because it's 2009. You're, like, liberated now.
Me: And you're, like, LAZY. JUST PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL.
And the excuses ...
Me: Girls are always making excuses for guys, like he's going through a really stressful time, or he just got out of a relationship, or he's really busy at work ...
Guy: What if he IS busy at work?
Me: Too busy to send a quick email to say, hey, what's up? Too busy to send a TEXT? You can send a text in two seconds! You can even auto-complete words in a text! Anyone can send a text! You can text while you're in a meeting! You can text while you're peeing! You can--
Guy: Seriously? You want a guy texting you while he's peeing?
Me: You KNOW what I mean.
Once, in a moment of extreme boldness, feeling very brazen and empowered by the whole idea, I had the following conversation with someone about what I defined as mixed signals from him:
Me: What is your DEAL?
Him: I don't know. I'm crazy.
Me: You ARE crazy. You wanna know why you're crazy?
(His face said no but his lips said OK, tell me why.)
Me: Because I am SUPER AWESOME and you don't realize it.
Him: I mean ... I think I kind of do ... don't I?
(I really did say that. Ha. Thank you, Greg Behrendt.)
Anyway, I think the whole concept is pretty true. It's most helpful, I think, in those "no man's land" situations, where they're KIND OF into you--into you enough that you think there's something there to hang on to--but not TOTALLY into you. In instances where they want a backup, or they want to keep their options open, or they kind of want out but they don't want to be the bad guy. I said that at work, and immediately they shot back with: Oh, yeah? What if a guy is shy? What if he's not that experienced in relationships? What if he's nervous? What if he's worried he'll get shot down? What about THAT?
I mean ... I DON'T KNOW! I didn't write the book! GENERALLY, I still think it's true, although of course there are exceptions. (The movie talks a lot about that, too, how girls always think they'll be the exception to the rule. I went to see it with a guy from work, and he texted me after: "Swish. If I don't call you after work tonight, are you going to realize that's the norm and not the exception?" Ha ha.) I do, though, like the reminder that every woman deserves to have a guy who is TOTALLY into her--there is absolutely no reason to settle for "kind of" when the possibility of "totally" is out there. And when that happens you know it--you don't have to guess or wonder or make any excuses.
So what do you think?