Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Pampered princess

So I had a ROYALLY shitty week last week. (Don't worry, I'm fine now, it was just a no good, very, very, very bad week that made me hate practically everyone. But not now! Now I am overflowing with love and goodwill for all of mankind. I'm just telling you for context.)

Anyway. So: bad week. I was like, the next chance I get, I am having an ALL ABOUT SWISHY night so I don't a) end up sticking my head in the oven (which is electric anyway) or b) running over the poor little old lady downstairs in a fit of blind rage. So I ...

* Bought myself some tulips so I would have something pretty in the house that reminds me that spring is coming one of these (long, crappy, cold) days:

* Worked out for like the first time ever and read the new People AND Entertainment Weekly

* Had an at-home spa night in which I soaked, exfoliated, plucked, baby-oiled, Vaselined and lotioned my poor, sad, tired little body

* Baked delicious chocolate peanut butter cookies and ate like half of them in front of The Real Housewives of Orange County reunion AND the new episode of Real Housewives of NYC. Mmmm ... chocolatey bitchiness!

* Wasted a ridiculous amount of time reading Television Without Pity (big Bachelor scandal!) while listening to awesome music, which is like one of my favorite Zen-out things to do ever.

I am also trying to sort of enjoy the little things, which is kind of fun when I am in the mood for it. The other night, I was driving home from work when I went, oh, crap, I need to drop off a couple things at the post office. It was late, and it was raining, and I left the car running in the middle of the road while I ran over to the mailbox. And then I ran back and just ... stopped. There wasn't another soul around, and one of my favorite songs was playing in the car, and all of the light from the streetlamps was bouncing off the wet road. It was such a nice little moment. I stood in the middle of the road in the rain, listening to my song, thinking to myself, I can't believe how PRETTY it all is (and fortunately no one came along to run ME over).

So what's your favorite thing to do when you want to pamper yourself?

Monday, February 23, 2009

Gossip Girl (Oscar edition)

Well, hello there! I have been working like a crazy lady lately, which is why I didn't do a live blog for the Oscars--I was at work. I DID, however, get to watch the red carpet on a live feed, and OH, MY GOSH, BEST THING EVER!!! It's like looking through your neighbor's window with binoculars (not that, uh, anyone we know would ever do that) only a million zillion times better. (Unless, of course, your neighbors are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and they're having a dinner party with Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer while George Clooney babysits the kids in the next room. Maybe then.)

Anyway, the first thing I realized is that no one is interviewed live for the pre-Oscar red carpet. (Hello, illusions shattered!) The other deal with the live feed is that there's no lighting, so you see everyone exactly as they are in real life. WHICH IS AWESOME.

A few little tidbits:

- Tim Gunn walked around looking confused a LOT.

- Amy Adams looked great on the actual show but her makeup was really harsh without the lighting.

- Taraji Henson was just as happy as can be and spent a lot of time talking to the kids from Slumdog Millionaire. Her dress looked really heavy--she needed like three people to lift it up so she could step onto the platform to be interviewed.

- Mickey Rourke was carrying around a cigarette the whole time. He looked surprisingly better than I thought he would, though. I mean, not GOOD, but you know. Not as bad as I thought.

- Anne Hathaway is very freckly on her arms and back. I guess it makes sense that she would burn and freckle, since she's so fair, but her skin always looks so porcelain-y with the lighting.

- Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick had to tape their interview like three times. Matthew looked completely bored. Sarah Jessica kept trying to smile at him and he was NOT having it.

- Brad and Angelina looked INCREDIBLE. They really did look the best. They were very nice and friendly to everyone (although Angelina looked a little like "WTF?" when Tim Gunn grabbed her wrist as she walked by). The BEST, though, was Brad totally almost walking into one of those golden Oscar statues on the red carpet. HA HA HA. He did this exaggerated double take, like, whoa, and Angelina laughed.

I'm cruising through the actual show on DVR now. Did you watch it? Did you like Hugh Jackman? Did you like the whole "five presenter" thing for the acting awards? Who looked the best? Who looked the worst? And can you believe the director cut to Brangelina while Jennifer was presenting? ME NEITHER!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Happy days

How was everyone's weekend? Good? Mine was fabulous, thank you for asking. I went on a little getaway to my friend Allee's house and had merely the most perfect and relaxing girl weekend ever. In just over 48 hours, I managed to: go out to dinner, get my hair cut by my old stylist (I say "old" like there's a new one. HA), sleep in, have breakfast at my favorite little coffee shop, get a pedicure, eat chips and guacamole under a comfy blanket while watching Love Actually, see the new Shopaholic movie (nothing like the books, FYI) and have a good old-fashioned "sit around and eat ice cream and gossip with the girls till all hours of the night" session. About the only thing missing was 80-degree weather and a hot, young pool boy to leer at inappropriately. It was just perfect.

I have been a big bundle of anxiety lately. If it's not one thing to be stressed out about, it's another, I swear, and I keep breaking my cardinal rule of not worrying about things that are out of my control. The funny thing is, there's not THAT much to be stressed out about. Yes, winter sucks and settling into a new place sucks, but I have so many things going for me, and it frustrates me that I can't just relax and enjoy them more. It's almost like I can't let myself NOT worry sometimes. This weekend was a good reminder for me that sometimes I just need to take a deep breath and CHILL OUT.

I also think part of the problem is I haven't been doing a lot of the things I like (work out, write, stalk random people at the coffee shop) lately. Would you believe that I went four straight days without turning on my TV last week? FOUR STRAIGHT DAYS. That is UNNATURAL. I am putting an end to that right this second.

Seriously. The Bachelor, Amazing Race, last week's Lost or the zillions of 24 episodes I haven't gotten to yet? Decisions, decisions ...

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

He's just not that into you

(No spoilery-ish details about the movie, I promise!)

OK. So. I've become a little bit of a "He's just not that into you" expert the past couple of years. I saw the episode of Sex and the City and I read the book and I watched Greg Behrendt's appearances on Oprah and I even read the kinda-sequel "It's Called a Break-up Because it's Broken." The whole thing has been kind of a hot topic at work lately. Every time the commercial for the movie came on at work, we'd start talking about it.

We talked about the phone call thing ...

Guy: So the whole premise is that if a guy doesn't call a girl, then he doesn't like her?
Me: Not the WHOLE premise. Part of the premise. If a guy likes you, he'll call you.
Guy: Why can't the girl call the guy?
Me: Why can't the GUY call the GIRL? Are his fingers broken?
Guy: Because it's 2009. You're, like, liberated now.

And the excuses ...

Me: Girls are always making excuses for guys, like he's going through a really stressful time, or he just got out of a relationship, or he's really busy at work ...
Guy: What if he IS busy at work?
Me: Too busy to send a quick email to say, hey, what's up? Too busy to send a TEXT? You can send a text in two seconds! You can even auto-complete words in a text! Anyone can send a text! You can text while you're in a meeting! You can text while you're peeing! You can--
Guy: Seriously? You want a guy texting you while he's peeing?
Me: You KNOW what I mean.

Once, in a moment of extreme boldness, feeling very brazen and empowered by the whole idea, I had the following conversation with someone about what I defined as mixed signals from him:

Me: What is your DEAL?
Him: I don't know. I'm crazy.
Me: You ARE crazy. You wanna know why you're crazy?
(His face said no but his lips said OK, tell me why.)
Me: Because I am SUPER AWESOME and you don't realize it.
Him: I mean ... I think I kind of do ... don't I?
Me: NO!

(I really did say that. Ha. Thank you, Greg Behrendt.)

Anyway, I think the whole concept is pretty true. It's most helpful, I think, in those "no man's land" situations, where they're KIND OF into you--into you enough that you think there's something there to hang on to--but not TOTALLY into you. In instances where they want a backup, or they want to keep their options open, or they kind of want out but they don't want to be the bad guy. I said that at work, and immediately they shot back with: Oh, yeah? What if a guy is shy? What if he's not that experienced in relationships? What if he's nervous? What if he's worried he'll get shot down? What about THAT?

I mean ... I DON'T KNOW! I didn't write the book! GENERALLY, I still think it's true, although of course there are exceptions. (The movie talks a lot about that, too, how girls always think they'll be the exception to the rule. I went to see it with a guy from work, and he texted me after: "Swish. If I don't call you after work tonight, are you going to realize that's the norm and not the exception?" Ha ha.) I do, though, like the reminder that every woman deserves to have a guy who is TOTALLY into her--there is absolutely no reason to settle for "kind of" when the possibility of "totally" is out there. And when that happens you know it--you don't have to guess or wonder or make any excuses.

So what do you think?

Saturday, February 07, 2009

All about me

Golightly just tagged me, and it couldn't have come at a better time because I am boring and cranky and completely uninteresting lately. So without further ado ...

Make a list of things you can see without getting up:
TV, lots of pillows, lamp, rug, cell phone, the clothes I've worn to work the past three days thrown over a chair (I'm bad)

What were you like when you were five?
Chatty and trying to be 25. I also read like crazy. And spied on the neighbors a lot. I guess not much has changed!

What are you wearing now?
A blue T-shirt that says "New Jersey: The Almost Heaven State" and black yoga pants

What story/book/novel have you read over and over again in your life?
Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

What’s the last thing you read/are currently reading?
One Fifth Avenue by Candace Bushnell

Do you nap a lot?
Very rarely these days. I love naps, though.

Who was the last person you hugged?
My friend Jeff

What’s your current fandom/obsession/addiction?
I told someone today the highlight of my week right now is my Monday night date night with The Bachelor. I get something good to eat, take a bubble bath and then watch The Bachelor under a flannel blanket while I eat dessert, and it's the best thing ever. I'm also on Facebook a lot more lately. Also Vaseline.

What was the last thing you ate today?
Frozen Hostess 100-calorie strawberry cupcakes.

What websites do you always visit when you go online?
AOL, Gawker, People.com, my blog, USA Today's Entertainment blog, Facebook

What was the last thing you bought?
Dinner at work--chicken crepes with rice.

What are you listening to right now?
VH1's top 20 countdown (All-American Rejects are on right now)

What movie are (or were!) you most excited to show your kids?
A Christmas Story

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
Reading minds

What is your favorite weather, and why?
Spring or fall weather--75 degrees and sunny. I feel like anything is possible on days like that.

What time do you usually get up?
I have a crazy schedule right now, so it's all across the board.

What is your most challenging goal right now?
Feeling settled and getting into a routine. Making friends outside of work and keeping up with friends who aren't here. Basically life.

Say something to the person who tagged you: Golightly is so sassy and stylish and fun. I've read her blog from the break-up script days (easily one of my favorite blog posts by any person ever) to now, her newly engaged days! I just know she will have a beautiful wedding and life with her Cowboy.

If you could have a house–totally paid for, fully furnished–anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be?
Anywhere on a beach.

Favorite vacation spot?
The beach.

What is your favorite children’s book?
Nancy Drew and Anne of Green Gables

Name one thing you just can’t resist no matter how bad it is for you:
French fries and anything with Oreos

If you could meet anyone famous - dead or alive - who would it be?
Brangelina! Maybe Oprah. Maybe George Clooney or Tom Cruise.

What's your favorite love song?
Love Me Still, Chaka Khan

I tag anyone who would like to participate! You copy the questions, answer them, remove a question you don't like and replace it with one you create.

My created question (feel free to answer in the comments): If your life could be like a character's in a TV show, whose would it be and why?