Guess who's back, back again
Swishy's back! Tell a friend!
OK, so for REAL, I am back. I told you--new year, new devotion to blogging, that's what I'm all about. This was my living room yesterday:
This was my living room a few hours ago:
MUCH better, MUCH more manageable, which means MUCH more time for other, MUCH more fun things. Yay! (I also, by the way, braved the DMV ... IN THE SNOW ... BEFORE WORK ... which took a huge weight off and all-around made me feel like a freaking rock star.)
So ... New Year's. You know what I said this time last year? I'll tell you. I said, "I don't want to be one of those people who always talks about doing things and never does them. So I guess in 2008, I want to be more of a doer. More proactive instead of reactive."
Ha. Ha ha ha. I guess you can say that's one resolution I kept. I quit my job, found a new one and moved halfway across the country, plus a whole bunch of other stuff mixed in.
It has been an interesting year. A year I'd like to live again? Not particularly, but it was a good year for figuring out who I am and where I want to go and how I think I might be able to get there. I think (I hope) I am a little bit better because of it. And as hard as the whole thing was sometimes, I am glad I didn't make myself a hypocrite. I'm such an idealist, such a "go get the life you want" kind of person. I get so frustrated when I see people not living up to their potential and living the life they should--could--be living. So I'm glad I backed up all my idealistic talk and took a risk when I had the chance, even though it was (and still sometimes is) super scary and hard and I'm not exactly sure how it will all turn out.
It was also a good year of lessons. I learned a lot about life. Stuff like ...
* The time leading up to a decision is far, far harder than the time after the decision. That's not to say there isn't a lot of really tough stuff that comes after you make a hard decision, but I think the days and weeks and months leading up to it can be excruciating, much more difficult than actually going through with it. People can agonize for years over whether to stay in a relationship or stay in a job or whatever--that's the hardest part. There's a certain peace and relief that comes with finally deciding, no matter what the decision is. It's like you're holding your breath the whole time and you're finally able to let it out.
* Sometimes you'll never be sure. I would like to think that deep in your gut you'll know if a choice is right when you make it, but sometimes you don't know until after you decide, and maybe not for a long time after that. Sometimes you just have to jump and hope there's going to be something at the bottom, even if that something is nothing more than a loyal friend frantically blowing up an air mattress to cushion your fall, or at least to try to keep you from breaking your neck.
* Change is horrible. I mean, put all the cutesy spins and platitudes on it you want, it just flat-out sucks and there's a reason everyone hates it. But it's also the surest way to make a person grow and I think it's also one of the surest ways to give a person hope, which, at the end of the day, I think people need more than they need to feel comfortable.
* Sometimes you just have to let yourself feel it (and also embrace who you are). I am a sensitive girl, an emotional girl, a passionate girl. You can tell exactly what I'm thinking when you look at me, and I spent a lot of time the past couple of years thinking that was a weakness. But you know what? I LIKE that I feel things so deeply. I like that little things are important to me. I like that I can immerse myself totally and fully in a moment and let myself feel it, even if it feels kind of crappy. Very soon after I moved here, one of my coworkers said it was easy to see I had a soft heart. Really? I said. Yeah, he said, you're a lover. I laughed, because it's TOTALLY true and it TOTALLY gets me in trouble, but this time last year, I would have thought that was a bad thing. Now, I'm glad people who barely know me can see that. (And, on a side note, I also tend to believe that everything catches up with you eventually, so would you rather process something now or later? A lot of times, I *think* later sounds better, but really, it's now. Always now, because that keeps later free for something else.)
* Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you love someone, it's still not enough. I guess that's one of those tough life lessons everyone has to learn at some point, but I still don't like it.
* It is so much better to try than not to try. I'm a big "what if" girl, and the "what if" of trying and crashing spectacularly is a lot easier for me to handle than the "what if" of not trying in the first place. There were a lot of times this year when something went badly and after the dust settled I thought, "Well, at least I tried." Knowing you tried makes doing hard things easier. And it also gives you the freedom to try something else.
* The friends that are like family will always be like family, no matter how far apart you live. Although it sure is a lot better to sit in their living room to gossip and watch trashy TV than it is to do it over the phone.
* No matter how vastly people's musical tastes differ, everyone can agree on The Beatles.
* A bubble bath with Godiva chocolate and the latest issue of InStyle magazine is absolutely fantastic no matter where you live.
* People are good. I've always believed that, but I love reminders, and this year was full of them. I can't tell you how many times I started crying not because I was sad or upset about something, but because someone was just SO NICE to me I couldn't believe it.
That includes you guys. Thank you so much for sticking with me over the past year. Thank you for the kind comments, the emails, the words of encouragement, the funny things you say that make my life better. I am so grateful for the goodness that I see all the time in my tiny little corner of the Internet world. I hope you all have the best year of your lives this year, and I can't wait to hear all about it. Happy New Year, everyone!
(P.S. Contest winners Monday!)