So I get home the other day, go to get my mail and ... FUN!!! A package from Beth!
Fun fact: Beth was one of the very first people to read my blog, which was an especially big deal because I didn't really tell anyone I knew that I had a blog. I seriously thought it was the coolest thing ever that she randomly found it one day and then kept coming back. It's been two years now, and I just adore her.
Anyway, I was super excited to get her fun bag in the mail. She made it herself and it's adorable, in colors that I love, with a cute little pocket on the inside. And she even included a Star magazine! But not just any Star magazine, ohhhhh no. I got into bed, opened it up ... and found that Beth had left me little notes inside! So it was almost like we were sitting and gossiping together! Oh, my gosh, I laughed so hard I almost woke up the entire neighborhood.
So let's gossip a little, shall we?
OK, on Jake Gyllenhaal she writes, "LOOK AT HIS PECS! Is he for real? Do you think he's gay?"
I have no idea. What I DO know is that he needs to cut that hair NOW. I am definitely not a fan of the long-haired look on him. I am a fan of the pecs, however, I have to say.
And then we have Michael Phelps ("Freakishly long body! But he has a cute little lisp.") and Chace Crawford ("Gay!!!"), which allows me to bust out my little "degrees of separation" fact of the day: Apparently, Michael Phelps (who, allegedly, is the biggest manwhore who ever whored ... I guess that's what eight golds gets you) is going on a date with Carrie Underwood, former girlfriend of (ta-da!) Chace Crawford.
And speaking of Carrie Underwood, who also formerly dated Tony Romo, we have Tony's CURRENT girlfriend, Jessica Simpson:
My People magazine is late this week, but apparently this week's cover story is Jessica gushing about how Tony Romo is the love of her life and how (this part kills me) she doesn't "really ever say that to anybody." Really, Jessica? Your boyfriend is the only one you call the love of your life? I'm stunned. I mean, there's the mailman, the FedEx guy, the guy who walks the neighbor's dog, the dude who plays the banjo on the street corner ...
That reminds me of another headline I saw recently on People.com, something like, "Vanessa Minnillo: Nick said 'I love you' first." I was like, really? REALLY? THAT'S A HEADLINE??? Yes, my friends, even I have standards. Which perhaps is not the greatest segue to our next photo, but ...
OK, I COMPLETELY AGREE. I thought the same exact thing when I saw the commercial for Meg's new movie. She looks 10 years younger than she did five years ago. Maybe she has a hot younger boyfriend. I hear that has a similar effect.
Of Britney, she writes: "She's looking good but she needs to stay away from men!" FOR. REAL. Any time something happens with Britney, I don't blame K-Fed, I don't blame Jason "Don't call me Constanza" Alexander. I blame Justin Timberlake. The second they broke up, it was like someone broke the lever on her happy little carousel of life and it's been spinning like crazy ever since.
She is looking good, though. And I do like her VMA commercial.
"Beth's future baby daddy." NOT IF I GET HIM FIRST! Oh, but wait ...
"I think he dumped Jen so he's free for Swishy! Will I see you in the Star next week?"
Page 39. I am just saying.