Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Coming up for air

Heyyyy. This week has been the longest blur EVER. But I am alive and I am in one piece and I haven't been fired and I haven't been branded the town's biggest social outcast (yet). So that is good.

A few of the week's highlights and lowlights and WTF-lights before I do a faceplant into my pillows:

* So I'm in temporary housing, right? It's different from the last time I was in temp housing. That was like a real apartment in an apartment complex, with lots of dishes and a washer and dryer and a VCR. This is pretty much a hotel, which is OK, except I walked in, all ready to watch the tapes I'd loaded up with shows to keep me company my first few days, and there was NO VCR. You KNOW I walked myself right out the door and to the closest Target to buy one. (Except that was a little bit of a disaster because of the kind of TV I have in my room, plus they do something with the cables so you can't disconnect stuff, I guess so you don't steal anything, and blah blah blah I'm not going into the rest of it other than to say there's a VCR/DVD combo sitting on my chair waiting to be returned to Best Buy. And thank goodness it is 2008 and I can watch TV shows online.) Also, the channel down and mute buttons on my remote don't work AND I don't have Bravo, VH1, MTV and basically every other channel worth watching. I think it is all a psychological tactic to make me want to move out faster and into my own place. IT IS TOTALLY WORKING!

* Best part of the hours upon hours of mind-numbing orientation: sexual harassment training. I am so TOTALLY 12 years old. I can never keep a straight face during those things. They gave us like four scenarios and we had to say whether they were sexual harassment or not, and then the lady gave us her porn talk. ("You might leave that day thinking you're OK, but I WILL FIND OUT and WE WILL HAVE A TALK. It doesn't embarrass me to have those talks AT ALL, but trust me, it will COMPLETELY embarrass you." Ha ha ha.)

* Tuesday was the worst day. It was horrible and long and freezing cold and I worked late and it was just a big crappy crap sandwich kind of day. So on the way home from work I stopped and got an ice cream sundae for dinner, got in the tub, ate my sundae, had a good cry and put myself in bed at 8:30. If you think that sounds pathetic, believe me, it was about a thousand times more pathetic than it sounds.

* Wednesday was the best day. I work with the nicest boy who ever lived. He was my person that day and he was SO sweet to me. (I know what you're going to say, and noooo, no, no.) Anyway, it was exactly what I needed, a little break from all the craziness, and that night I went out with a bunch of the guys I work with. I thought it was really nice of them to ask me and the nice boy even waited for me so he could drive in front of me so I wouldn't get lost on the way home.

* Thursday afternoon at work:

Co-worker One: Hey, Swish, guess what ... Co-worker Two has a friend who's a pirate.
Me: A friend who's a WHAT?
Co-worker Two: He's a PRIVATEER.
One: Right. A pirate.
Two: A PRIVATEER. (Pause.) I don't even know why I told you guys that.
Me: You seriously have a friend who's a pirate? Like, for real? He goes around on a ship and whatever?
One: A privateer, yeah.
Me: That is the most bizarre thing I have ever heard. Does he have a parrot?
Two: No.
Me: A parakeet?
Two: No. He had a dog, but it died.
One: Of scurvy?

This goes on for maybe 10 minutes.

* I went around and looked at apartments today. I don't really have anything to say about that yet other than it happened.

* Also, I did some laundry and no one stole my underwear. Yay! I had a washer/dryer in my old place but in the place before that I had to use a laundry room and my underwear ALWAYS got stolen. I'm all about the little victories these days.

I'll be a little more back to normal next week, I think (hope). Have a good weekend, everyone!


At 1:47 AM, Blogger Michael said...

Did one of the four situations involve 2 Girls 1 Cup?

At 8:47 AM, Blogger michelle said...

congratulations! i think that the first week at a new job is the worst ... but you survived. i think the hardest part of your situation, though, is that you can't come home to your things and your comfort zone ... sleeping in your own bed and all that good stuff. i hope you find your own place soon ... and that week 2 is awesome! :)

At 12:10 PM, Blogger Beth said...

first week down...lots more to come...and it will get better. No more crying in the bathtub!!

I wish you lived close to me...oh how I wish it..."A dream is wish your heart makes...."

You can find a really cute apartment and have your VCR and watch all your shows!!!

At 12:20 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

Glad you survived, and YES transition housing has so totally declined from what it used to be. I suppose it's all the cost cutting they're trying to do to keep companies afloat. Whatever :)

And the sundae in the tub? As I was reading that, I was thinking how lovely and decadent that sounded. I would avoid the pathetic idea there. It sounds lovely to me ;)

And ummm my orientation group last time got in trouble when we had the sexual harrassment training. The trainer got so mad at us. We almost had to go through it again. Oops. :)

At 1:39 PM, Blogger Mary Ann said...

I hope you're out today looking at apartments and I hope you find one that says "this is home."

The nice boy? He's in love with you already. We all know this to be true, yes? :)

At 3:23 PM, Anonymous Ree said...

You're going to be just fine honey. XXOO

At 7:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please tell me you didnt eat the sundae in the tub while soaking.

Sounds like you are getting settled. Good luck with the house search. Are you in a metropolitan area?

At 1:47 AM, Blogger Betty said...

Here's some advice I wish I'd followed: ask your co-workers for advice on where to live. Use other people's experience! The temp place sounds like a good place to get out of. Those guys you went out with after work are probably just full of advice. Seriously.

You're doing great, though. That first week is history!!!


At 10:31 AM, Blogger MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

You know when your underwear get stolen it's a good thing, right? No one ever stole mine.

And the bath and the ice cream sundae sounded decadent! Not pathetic!

You are doing great my Swishy!

At 10:31 AM, Blogger MaNiC MoMMy™ said...



At 2:29 PM, Blogger Tanya said...

It will be better, once you find a house and you can decorate it totally cute. Find all the stuff you missed while it was packed. It will be great!

At 8:46 PM, Blogger Lainey-Paney said...

michael---OMG, I heard that story.
I work in an ER; nothing is off limits for conversation there.

And...Swish: happy first week down.

At 8:47 PM, Blogger Mandy said...

The first few weeks are always hard. The ice cream sundae, soaking in the tub, going to bed early....sounds perfect, not pathetic. Here's hoping to a great week!

At 10:02 PM, Blogger kim said...

The ice cream in the tub is the right thing to do -- not pathetic -- excellent survival skills. You are doing great.

And if someone were stealing my underwear, I'd be more pissed about the expense than about the perv factor -- in any case, consider that one a double victory.

At 11:42 PM, Blogger Stephanie said...

You can't even tape stuff off your TV? That is like my worst nightmare. I seriously don't know how I survived before TIVO?

Now you just need to meet someone who knows a ninja and you will have the bases covered.

At 10:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

survival of the first week is always crucial. I hear ya - thank goodness you can watch television online, I'd be so out if not, especially with all the travel I do as well. I think those sexual harrassment trainings are hilarious too, I always feel bad for the trainer or HR rep b/c I would die if I had that job.

At 2:36 PM, Blogger Elle Charlie said...

Glad to hear so far things are going okay! Sorry about the no VCR thing and the bad tv - that's a bummer. But maybe you'll find a new place you like soon, and think how much you'll appreciate good tv now that you've gone without!

Yay for nice coworkers!

Sexual harassment training is always funny to me too, I can't explain it. I think it's the examples. They're just too much.

Hang in there Swishy - it sounds like you're doing AWESOME! If you only cried once in your bathtub that's saying A LOT!!!!

At 2:55 PM, Blogger Andie said...

ok, wait a minute.

a pirate?

i'm without words.

keep on rockin and rollin...

oh, and to make you laugh- my word verification is "dinkyme"

At 3:10 PM, Blogger Cecily R said...

Ooo! Gracie would be thrilled to know someone can still be a pirate...

Glad you're doing okay. And that you're breathing. :)

At 5:01 PM, Anonymous courtney said...

It sounds like you work with some pretty awesome people. Who date pirates even. That's awesome.

Good luck on finding your own place!

At 10:01 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

So was it scurvy? That's totally cool. I've never known anybody who knows a real pirate.

I'm so happy Wednesday was a good day! Good luck with apartment hunting.

At 11:32 AM, Blogger Bina said...

WHY in God's name would ANY person steal underwear? I wouldn't even want to TOUCH someone's underwear I didn't know. Now I'm picturing some psycho stealing your underwear, stalking you, and next thing you know you will only one sock of every single pair you own, if you even wear socks.

But hey, the first week is out of the way and it's just gonna get better. Hope you find a GREAT apartment, with a washer and dryer.

At 1:21 PM, Blogger Barrie said...

By a real pirate, does he mean his friend works at Treasure Island in Vegas?? Good luck settling in.

At 2:12 PM, Anonymous kristabella said...

So we did sexual harrassment training when I worked for the 49ers. Only like in my 4th year or something ridiculous. And every situation, I wanted to raise my hand and be all "we've all had those exact things said to us. MANY TIMES."

Hang in there kiddo! It's only going to get better!

At 8:34 PM, Blogger Karen said...

"(I know what you're going to say, and noooo, no, no.)"

Haha, that was EXACTLY what I was thinking!

Am now leaving your comment section with more questions than answers--what the heck is 2 Girls 1Cup?

At 2:23 PM, Blogger MaNiC MoMMy™ said...


if you google it, ... wait. DON'T GOOGLE IT. JUST DON'T DO IT. ... but if you do, don't do it around young children, old people, ANY PEOPLE ... it's disgusting porn ... DISGUSTING PORN INVOLVING FECAL MATTER AND WOMEN.

There. I said it. You're welcome.

At 5:34 PM, Blogger Melek said...

sounds like you're making progress. isn't the first week (or is it the first year?) supposed to be the hardest?

hopefully you won't have to resort to the sundae in the tub again soon :)

At 4:53 PM, Blogger Monnik said...

no BRAVO? Dude. Good thing Project Runway is over and Top Chef hasn't started....

Glad your undies weren't stolen.


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