Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Things that make me go hmmm

So I was looking around while I was waiting in line at Target today because, I mean, what else are you going to do while you wait in line at Target? The guy in front of me opens his wallet, and I notice the entire thing is lined with photos ... OF HIMSELF. With numerous expressions and poses. With no one in them but him.

OK, in fairness, I am less of a "wallet" girl and more of a "change purse" girl, so the whole concept of carrying around photos isn't really high on my radar. But is that normal? Photos of yourself? Of JUST yourself? Yes, he's decent-looking, and yes, they are decent photos, but still. That isn't normal. Is it?

I decide that it's not. So, naturally, I have to take a picture RIGHT THIS SECOND before he closes his wallet and takes his receipt and walks his photo-loving self out of my life forever.

What follows is the most daring, smoothly executed shot of my paparazzo/secret agent/stalker career. (MUCH more seamless, for example, than this time or this time.) I reach into my purse, turn on my camera, hit the right button twice to turn off the flash, and evvvvvvver so subtly lift the camera out of my purse just long enough to take the picture.

And she gets off the shot! Undetected! In a line at Target!



Yes, I am a rock star. Of course, you can't really see the Wall(et) of Photos, so some cropping is in order.



OK, so you can still only see one of the pictures. But TRUST ME. There are like three more right next to it.

This lady dropped her stuff on the way out and he stopped to help her, so I don't THINK he's a self-absorbed narcissist. Is he a gigolo? Is his number printed on the other side, like a business card? Is he a model/actor/waiter, and those are all mini-head shots? Did he used to be missing, and those are the photos from the milk carton? Did he get a set of playing cards made with his face on the back? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

29 Comments:

At 7:29 AM, Blogger Beth said...

oh gawd....stay farrrr farrrr away from HIM Swish! He is very stuck on himself....was it John Mayer by any chance?

 
At 7:42 AM, Blogger Jenster said...

Your skillz with a camera boggle. Truly. Can't that be your job in real life because you're so good at it!!

And yeah. That's kind of weird. I vote for the gigolo thing.

 
At 10:06 AM, Anonymous Ree said...

I don't know, but in addition to giving you the sa'laams for your stalking abilities, I wanted you to know that the last paragraph cracked my ass up.

 
At 10:49 AM, Blogger shopgirl said...

OK - I soooooooo need your mad camera skillz so I can get a picture of "Scary Mary" at my local Walmart (see my blog). Your blog is HILARIOUS!!!

Watch out local Paparazzi - there's a new girl in town!!

 
At 10:55 AM, Blogger House of Jules said...

What if it's his twin brother who he tragically lost in an avalanche when they were on their annual trip to ski in the mountains of Chile, and he keeps those photos within eyeshot at all times to remind himself to live his life fully and without abandon? Yeah, probably not. But maybe!
Jules
House of Jules

 
At 11:16 AM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

That's some serious camera skill! Note to self after reading this: Learn how to turn off the flash on phone camera...

 
At 11:21 AM, Blogger Travis Erwin said...

Maybe it is his long lost twin brother.

 
At 11:33 AM, Blogger Monnik said...

wow- you need to move to LA so you can get started on Britney! Great paparrazo shooting!!

Seriously, though, good work. And yeah, that's weird.

 
At 1:16 PM, Blogger J... said...

You seriously took a pic of a man standing in line at Target? How did you get the nerve?!? That is just awesome!

I like the playing card thing, but my vote would be the gigolo. Gotta have cards to hand out if the need arises, right?

 
At 1:41 PM, Blogger Nut Nut said...

Darn it. I was going to say the twin brother thing too. I see others have that that as well.

When I got my camera cellphone, I had plans of doing this sort of sneaky picture taking, but I never did.

You rock!

 
At 4:06 PM, Blogger Bina said...

Only you girl. Only you.

And yea, he's probably a stalker, and acts all like "Oh, here. I even have a picture of myself. I'm a model, blah blah blah" and then when you go to take the picture, he nabs you and stick you in his car and drives off....

Well, yea. What Beth said!

 
At 6:05 PM, Blogger Angela Williams Duea said...

How is it you're always running into the oddest people on the planet?

 
At 6:56 PM, Blogger Vanessa said...

I think it means he's vain. He needs them in case he gets too far away from a mirror and needs to look at himself.

 
At 8:39 PM, Blogger Eileen said...

I am convinced you have a career in front of you as a full time paparazzi.

And as for photo boy- WEIRD.

 
At 9:17 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

What was he buying?

Mirrors??!?!?!

YOU SOO NEED TO APPLY FOR A JOB AS PEOPLE PAPPARAZZI! You are like THE BEST STALKER EVER!

 
At 10:14 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

Oh I find that very freaky. I carry pictures but only because I'm a mommy, and they're pictures of my wee ones.

Him... maybe he has amnesia and seeing his face is the only thing that reminds him of who he is -- or at least reminds him enough of it that he can function.

Still freaky though.

So when he helped the lady with her groceries, did he ask for her number or just let her go on her merry way?

 
At 11:40 PM, Blogger Eileen said...

You always make me smile. Only you would observe such "suspicious" wallet behavior! I'd go with the stuck on himself feature, his calling card.

I do agree that you should go to LA and start the paparazzi shots. In your nice Swishy way, you could be very rich. You have the instinct.

XXX

 
At 1:04 AM, Blogger LaskiGal said...

Holy cow, it is a mystery.

But man, you should seriously consider spy work . . . undercover agent, maybe??? Detective???

 
At 9:19 AM, Blogger kim said...

As one who has posted one too many pictures of herself on her blog -- I'm not sure I qualify to answer, but I'll give it a shot.

I did think the twin thing for a second, but then I remembered all of my gay guy friends and that's my vote -- he's gay.

Not that gay men are narcissistic, but many need to know, and carry proof, that they are indeed hot. Furthermore, they are versatilely hot. If you could see the back of the photos, they are most likely labeled "Me looking hot, pose #1, Me looking hot, pose #2," and so on.

This would not be a guilty secret either -- they're like trading cards. Hand them out, post them on the internet, send them to each other over Craig's list, etc.

 
At 9:26 AM, Blogger kim said...

and your camera skills -- killer!

I said your name out loud yesterday. I was in my car and I saw a guy who looked just like magnum p.i. and i do not have a camera phone. Instead of marking the missed opportunity with a ,"dang" -- i said, "swishy".

...don't ban me from your blog.

 
At 12:03 PM, Blogger Golightly said...

huh - that is very very very odd. I need your camera phone skills, or what phone do you have? Mine makes a very LOUD camera shutter noise when I use mine, not good for incognito picture snapping.

 
At 7:49 PM, Blogger KATE said...

First of all, your stealth camera taking ability is AMAZING!!! You are so my new hero! I'm NEVER that good!

Second... NO it's SO not normal to have pictures of yourself. That is just creepy! Like he's Creepy McCreeperson! Yuck!

 
At 1:29 PM, Blogger Melek said...

so funny!! i love that 1) you notice these things and 2) that you take pictures of them!

and you're right, it's very odd for him to carry around a bunch of photos of himself. Manic thinks he was buying mirrors...i think he was buying a wallet with one of those accordion photo holder things so he could put more pictures in there. :)

 
At 7:46 PM, Blogger Elle Charlie said...

You are very daring - I would never have been able to pull that off! I'm horrible at being sneaky. I'm so impressed with that part of the story that I can hardly focus on what the rest of it means???

Maybe he has a twin?

 
At 7:48 PM, Blogger cubmommy said...

That is very weird. You are so sly! I could never get a shot off like that.

 
At 5:48 PM, Blogger Cecily R said...

THAT? Is why I freaking love your blog.

I think he forgets who he is and has the pictures to remind him. He has to leave them in various places in case he forgets say, in the produce section of the store. So he drops one in the pile of artichokes and another by the bananas. It all makes sense to me.

Then again, I live on very little sleep and am slowly losing my mind...

 
At 9:59 PM, Blogger Frannie Farmer said...

Maybe it is cosmetically altered Partner ...
You totally rock the camera thing though. I could never be so brazen.
Ha, and I agree with Beth - I bet is was Johnboy!

 
At 9:40 PM, Blogger Kristabella said...

That is really weird. I didn't know people still had photos in their wallets. Maybe it is his twin brother? Who is missing? And is an actor looking for work?

 
At 5:00 AM, Blogger henric6116 said...

I must say that you got a great art of clicking photographs without getting the person to know that he is been clicked. I believe you should take up professional photography as a career option.
====================
Henric6116
Google

 

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