Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Gossip girls

So I get home the other day, go to get my mail and ... FUN!!! A package from Beth!



Fun fact: Beth was one of the very first people to read my blog, which was an especially big deal because I didn't really tell anyone I knew that I had a blog. I seriously thought it was the coolest thing ever that she randomly found it one day and then kept coming back. It's been two years now, and I just adore her.

Anyway, I was super excited to get her fun bag in the mail. She made it herself and it's adorable, in colors that I love, with a cute little pocket on the inside. And she even included a Star magazine! But not just any Star magazine, ohhhhh no. I got into bed, opened it up ... and found that Beth had left me little notes inside! So it was almost like we were sitting and gossiping together! Oh, my gosh, I laughed so hard I almost woke up the entire neighborhood.

So let's gossip a little, shall we?



OK, on Jake Gyllenhaal she writes, "LOOK AT HIS PECS! Is he for real? Do you think he's gay?"

I have no idea. What I DO know is that he needs to cut that hair NOW. I am definitely not a fan of the long-haired look on him. I am a fan of the pecs, however, I have to say.

And then we have Michael Phelps ("Freakishly long body! But he has a cute little lisp.") and Chace Crawford ("Gay!!!"), which allows me to bust out my little "degrees of separation" fact of the day: Apparently, Michael Phelps (who, allegedly, is the biggest manwhore who ever whored ... I guess that's what eight golds gets you) is going on a date with Carrie Underwood, former girlfriend of (ta-da!) Chace Crawford.

And speaking of Carrie Underwood, who also formerly dated Tony Romo, we have Tony's CURRENT girlfriend, Jessica Simpson:



My People magazine is late this week, but apparently this week's cover story is Jessica gushing about how Tony Romo is the love of her life and how (this part kills me) she doesn't "really ever say that to anybody." Really, Jessica? Your boyfriend is the only one you call the love of your life? I'm stunned. I mean, there's the mailman, the FedEx guy, the guy who walks the neighbor's dog, the dude who plays the banjo on the street corner ...

That reminds me of another headline I saw recently on People.com, something like, "Vanessa Minnillo: Nick said 'I love you' first." I was like, really? REALLY? THAT'S A HEADLINE??? Yes, my friends, even I have standards. Which perhaps is not the greatest segue to our next photo, but ...



OK, I COMPLETELY AGREE. I thought the same exact thing when I saw the commercial for Meg's new movie. She looks 10 years younger than she did five years ago. Maybe she has a hot younger boyfriend. I hear that has a similar effect.



Of Britney, she writes: "She's looking good but she needs to stay away from men!" FOR. REAL. Any time something happens with Britney, I don't blame K-Fed, I don't blame Jason "Don't call me Constanza" Alexander. I blame Justin Timberlake. The second they broke up, it was like someone broke the lever on her happy little carousel of life and it's been spinning like crazy ever since.

She is looking good, though. And I do like her VMA commercial.



"Beth's future baby daddy." NOT IF I GET HIM FIRST! Oh, but wait ...



"I think he dumped Jen so he's free for Swishy! Will I see you in the Star next week?"

Page 39. I am just saying.

27 Comments:

At 9:17 AM, Blogger Beth said...

OMG!!!!! LOL!!!! Girl! You crack me up! And I SO wanna see you in the Star!!! Cuz, if it's in The Star, you KNOW it's true!!!!

Love you Swish!!! so much fun gossiping with ya!

 
At 11:50 AM, Blogger Patti said...

it's like she sent you your own star version of perez hilton's site...except funnier.

 
At 2:47 PM, Blogger KATE said...

I LOVE it! How fun! What a fun friend to have, I love the fun bag and all of her little written comments. I totally agree! With everything! How fun!

Nothin' like gossipin' with the girls! hee hee

 
At 4:05 PM, Blogger Candyland said...

this was a REALLY kewl post!!!! I think you're right about Justin and Britney. Apparently he convinced her she was white trash, and she believed him and ACTED according to the way she felt about herself.

 
At 7:48 PM, Blogger Andie said...

mwhahahahahaha you're funny.

 
At 12:28 AM, Blogger Eileen said...

That is the greatest gift. I love Beth, she is just great. I can just see you reading her funny, perceptive comments. Love the bag too!!
XXX

 
At 1:51 AM, Blogger Mary Ann said...

What a nice surprise! Can't wait to see you on p. 39...

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger Lainey-Paney said...

wow, Meg Ryan really is looking hot!

 
At 5:42 PM, Blogger Cecily R said...

That was AWESOME!

I think if we were all still in junior high you and Beth would be at the cool table at lunch. And I would WISH you would invite me to sit by you someday...

 
At 9:55 PM, Blogger Frannie Farmer said...

I Love Beth!
I Love the bag!
and I am so jealous that you got all of her witty comments in person .. ish!!
Too flippin' cool!

 
At 2:31 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

Well you know if you got with John Mayer he would treat you right. He would either break up with you or cheat on you because that's what guys do, but he's not a cheater so he'd break up with you. Or wait, isn't that what he did with Jen? I'm so confused.

BTW, tonight I wished for you because I told everyone at a party that I wish I had my fun friend around (thinking of you) who would go into the city with me tomorrow to see my fave band, Poi Dog Pondering, cuz everyone else is so lame and no one will go, but I know you'd probably maybe even just get in your car and drive here now so we could hang out tomorrow, and man it has been FOREVER since we really CHATTED. Dang-o-mang!

 
At 1:27 PM, Blogger shopgirl said...

OMG - I'm soooooo jealous! That bag is soooooo cute!! Beth you rock! And, how fun was that magazine with her notes - such a great gift!

Here's to our upcoming editorial spread on page 39!

 
At 4:28 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

Ahhh... it's good to know that even you have standards ;) I LOVE the interactive reading. You should do this every week sending the mags back and forth with your commentary. And such a cute bag, too!

 
At 9:22 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

First things first - I LOVE the bag!! Tres Cute!

The notes are great! Funny stuff. And I have to agree with all her opinions.

 
At 12:43 PM, Blogger Angela Williams Duea said...

What a fun package! Usually I get my celeb news from you, but I am shocked to find I've read the Jessica Simpson People story before you! My sister had a copy at the beach this weekend.

You didn't miss much, really. Except for a weird story about a cat with 4 ears.

angelawd

 
At 1:11 PM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

This is fabulous. I want a crafty friend to send me a cute bag with an annotated magazine!!!

And now I realize that to reach my potential as a friend, I must learn to sew.

 
At 1:40 PM, Blogger Elle Charlie said...

That's a great present! I used to get People from work (waiting room for patients, and yes I stole it and yes that's horrible) and now I'm so behind on my gossip!

I agree about Jake's hair. I don't think he's gay though. But I always think he's short, when I guess he's not really... I don't know why he seems short to me.

 
At 2:06 PM, Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

Beth! Where is my gossip mags?

Too funny.

 
At 5:08 PM, Blogger MereinSC said...

haha... that's so cute!! i love the post its!

 
At 5:27 PM, Blogger Golightly said...

so cute and fun!

 
At 7:31 PM, Blogger Eileen said...

You crack me up. I think you can do better than John M. just saying

 
At 9:41 PM, Blogger Kristabella said...

My heart just broke a little with the Michael Phelps manwhore news. Not that I'm shocked. He's 23 and has the body of a Greek God. If he's not getting a lot of tail, he's wasted a huge opportunity. Also, can we discuss The Hills? And how I think I'm over it and has LC always been this STUPID?

 
At 1:08 AM, Blogger Stephanie said...

I've always thought Jake G was gay. So sad about Michael Phelps and the manwhoring.

Cute bag!

 
At 2:49 AM, Blogger Barrie said...

I'd like to look like Meg Ryan. Even how she looked 5 years ago.

 
At 9:39 AM, Blogger DeeMarie said...

That has to be one of the coolest presents ever!! I'm also a bit bummed to hear about Michael Phelps manwhoring, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised. You and John, the next p. 39? Without question!!!

 
At 10:54 AM, Blogger Bina said...

That is so awesome Swish! Beth is the just best person every, in the world. But you know, I'm prejudice I guess. And funny!!!!!! We can laugh for hours. You two should talk on the phone. You would love her even more than you do. I promise!

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger Trish said...

That is so funny!

Beth is the best, isn't she?

 

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