Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Dream lover

OK, first, some administrative details:

* My People magazine didn't come in the mail yesterday! At first I was like, I can wait until tomorrow, but I think you and I both know that would have been completely impossible, so I went out and bought a copy. (Do you ever wonder why People spent $14 million on those photos? Because of people like me, that's why.) It's hard to really tell anything with babies that little, although they do seem to look a little like Shiloh did, but the photos of Brad and Angie and the kids? TOTALLY LOVED THEM. I had a whole conversation with the lady at the checkout about them, and another conversation with a girl at the gym about them, and I will have a conversation with any of you about them, too. I love that Angelina looks exhausted and barely has any makeup on but still looks so, so beautiful and happy. I love that they seem so normal and natural. And that picture of Shiloh and Vivienne is SO GORGEOUS it just kills me. She really looks like a little doll.

* For those who are curious, I posted a comment detailing my computer neuroses on my last post.

* Finally, a completely random note: I would just like to announce that I lost my cell phone on Sunday (since recovered, thank GOODNESS) and then managed to run out of gas yesterday. I think I am having a contest with myself to see how stupid I can be. And I am winning.

And now ... let's talk about John Mayer. I am never quite sure where I stand on him. For a long time, I did not like him and I especially hated his hair, but on the flip side, I DID always love it when Clarity came on at my coffee shop. Then he did this interview with Cosmo where he talked all about how much he loved and respected women for their talent and intelligence, and I was like, YEAH, RIGHT, Mr. Body is a Wonderland ... but then I was like, you know, he DOES seem like a nice guy, MAYBE he means it. And then he did an awesome Grammy performance with Alicia Keys and an awesome cover of Free Fallin' AND he cut his hair ...

Which brings me to this: I TOTALLY HAD A DREAM I MADE OUT WITH JOHN MAYER THE OTHER NIGHT! The whole thing was very, very random. He was on some kind of break with Jennifer Aniston (who totally got mad anyway when she heard we made out ... JUST LIKE ON FRIENDS!). Anyway, we kissed for a while, and then he had to rush to a show, but he left me little presents and watched me open them while he was on stage. And you know what? I'm just going to say it: I have heard rumors about Mr. Mayer's various talents, and let me tell you, if my subconscious is any indication, they are ONE THOUSAND PERCENT true. He was a totally, TOTALLY good kisser in my dream. Like, REALLY good. Like, I opened up People magazine and his picture was in the front and I blushed a little, that's how good.

Yeah, I know. I'm not sure what to do with that either.


At 3:18 PM, Blogger The Gang's All Here! said...

I don't know how you do it, but every single time I read your posts I totally laugh out loud. It's like you say all the crazy things that run through my head but am too straight-laced and prissy to say out loud. Or write. It's like you are my id, in cyber space. :)

And it wouldn't be John Mayer for me - totally Keith Urban or David Cook!

At 3:25 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

This post is so very Swishy. It gives me hope for the world. :o)

At 3:48 PM, Blogger Bina said...

I think Shiloh is the BIGGEST baby doll ever!!!!! Those kids will never be able to compare to her.

John Mayer, huh? I never even thought about it, but I bet I wouldn't be able to pick him out in a crowd. However, I've had dreams like that before of guys from work, (a long time ago) and girl, it's like I can't even look at the person for a few days! Weird, huh?

At 3:54 PM, Blogger THopgood said...

I just got my People magazine!! It is an absolute crime for that couple to have that many gorgeous kids! seriously!

At 4:09 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

OK, SERIOUSLY! Aren't truly gorgeous people supposed to have less gorgeous kids to sort of balance everything out? But those kids are BEAUTIFUL. It is unreal. (And yes, I have read the story like three times now. HA.)

At 5:44 PM, Blogger Kristabella said...

I hate Angelina.

Also, I once had a dream I made out with Missy Elliot.

At 6:46 PM, Blogger kim said...

Swishy, Your posts make me so happy.

John Mayer -- I'm with you on the undecided thing. I know I could not deal with him long term, he and Sting have a certain quality that just seems they take themselves too seriously or something (I feel angry about it sometimes)...buuuut, there is that sexual component that is compelling, none the less.

Dream share: I had a make-out dream with Dane Cook. Rich was in it and it was very "Bridges of Madison County" except that, I ran off with Dane (even though he has that one eye that kind of crosses -- he was a super hot kisser and we loved each other SO much).

At 6:53 PM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

Wait--you're eternally loyal to AOL, and yet okay with the fact that Angelina stole someone else's husband to procure those babies???

She skeeves (sceeves?) me out.

On the other hand, if AOL doesn't change it's interface every 45 days like the other email programs, I can understand your dedication.

At 6:56 PM, Blogger cubmommy said...

That totally sucks you didn't get it on Monday. I got mine in the mail and I told Hubby I bet Swishy is so excited to get this today.

I am on the fence about John Mayer. He seems like a player I hopt that is not true. Thank goodness he got out of the relationship with Jessica Simpson. I can not stand her.

At 10:00 PM, Blogger shopgirl said...

OMG sister - you are too funny! I am becoming a huge fan of your blog!! And John Mayer - well, he doesn't do it for me - but Ms. Aniston's ex (not Brad) but Vince Vaughn - pre-chubby days - would be my make out wish!!

Can't wait for your next post!

At 1:10 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

Wow, I don't even remember what a kisser that good feels like. May I borrow your dream for a moment?

And if it makes you feel any better, I had a pretty crappy Monday myself although thankfully I did NOT lose my phone (although it was misplaced and forgotten twice) or run out of gas (although I nearly did that today).

And People does the photos for people like me who really could care less but are totally intrigued because everyone's talking about it. I need to head to a Borders or something ;)

At 3:08 AM, Blogger AlaneM said...

I can't wait to buy my copy - only I have to wait until Friday when I do my weekly shopping in Cheney. Our little grocery in town does not sell People (lame, I know but that's Sprague for ya) so I must suffer, knowing all gossip loving women in the civilized world have seen it already.
Sounds like your dream was a dandy...John Mayer does nothing for me but still, a good makeout dream is a good makeout dream.

At 7:38 AM, Blogger Little Ms Blogger said...

OMG this made LOL...I never met anyone besides my sister and her friend that get upset when their People magazine does not arrive on the designated day (Fridays, except for special editions).

My sister's friend has even gone as far to write to People and complain when it doesn't arrive on time.

Thanks for the laugh.


At 10:52 AM, Blogger Andie said...

you are just too cute.

and I"ve always had a thing for John Mayer. He has quite a way with words. I mean, he is sort of dorky- but I think his voice and the way with words are what make him sexy... ya know?

At 11:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL - I am sure you are ten times more fun than Jennifer Aniston. I'm not a big fan of his and would just throw up a little if I had that dream. His new haircut makes him look ill to me.

OMG I so need to go get this People today!!

At 12:29 PM, Blogger Beth said...

I kinda like John's voice and his songs...but I just CANNOY watch him sing! His "orgasm faces" freak. me. out!!! YUK!

now, THE BABIES!!! Meh...they're babies! They all kinda look the same at this point. But I DO love the pic of shiloh holding viv....they have the same lips! and I love the family picture too, on the bed, all of them piled up. they really DO have family sleep! I love the whole bunch of them...I don't care what anyone says.

and I dreamed one night, that I was making out with John Secada....have you ever heard of him? he's a singer and it was FUN!!! and I do wonder about John and his, uh..."abilities"...lots of rumors goin around out there!

At 1:30 PM, Blogger Monnik said...

I haven't seen the pictures yet. Does that make me a dork?

But do you like John Mayer's new hair cut???

At 1:31 PM, Anonymous angelawd said...

Hot dreams with John Mayer? I dunno, his voice really annoys me. I guess you don't have to worry about that when you're kissing, though.

At 3:03 PM, Anonymous Ree said...

Can you make me have a dream like that about Fernando Torres? (By the way, I tagged you on 8/4's post...)

At 3:07 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

OK, so I took the copy of the People mag at the spa into the waxing room with me and while I was getting a bikini wax I read the mag! I talked to my waxer while I checked out the pictures, and when she was done, I was not finished with the mag so I sat in the lobby and still read it before I left!!!

And I LOVE that you call John M. Mr. Body is a Wonderland!

And I like him more now that he got his haircut and that he left you little presents during his performance!

And KB, why do you even hate Angelina? Are you the anti-Christ!?!?!? LOL!

and Missy Elliot? Ewww. I wouldn't be sharing that with too many people on the web. That would definitely be a DINAO choice. Bwhahahahah! ; )

At 10:16 PM, Blogger Mary Ann said...

Does this mean John Mayer wins over the spy from the coffee shop??

At 2:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dream luvah
Runnin' on full
Bumpin unducuvah
Hittin' that ass
Like they ain't no utha
Takin' it down
like yo' big ol' brutha
Buryin' yo head
up in da cuvahs
Slap it, tap it
Word to yo' mutha

At 3:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeaahhhh, Dream luvah
Poppin' don' stoppin'
hittin' it unda the cuvah
Toppin' an' droppin'
like they ain't no utha
Betta tell somebody
they go yo' mutha
What she gonna do?
Yo Tina Yothers

At 1:12 PM, Blogger Michael said...

At least it wasn't the freecreditreport.com guy.


At 7:24 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

I still have my girl crush on Angelina. I love that she is a freak.

At 10:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay i have a seriously problem with someone stating that angelina "stole' a husband. that is just stupid in my opinion. who can go steal a person. what? like she kidnapped brad and forced him to stick his penis in her. yeah.

At 10:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

okay i have a real problem with someone saying angelina stole brad. like what? she kidnapped him and forced him to stick his penis in her to impregnate her. that's just dumb.

At 2:06 AM, Blogger LaskiGal said...

I'm way too petty and jealous about the Angie and Brad thing. I looked horrific after the birth of J.

Granted I didn't have great lighting or a make-up crew . . . I know it was hopeless.

John Mayer, eh?

I love random make out posts. Love 'em!

At 1:52 PM, Blogger MereinSC said...

i have not yet seen the pics of brad and angelina's new babies!! i keep forgetting to pick up the magazine!!

thanks for reminding me :) have a great weekend!

At 6:34 PM, Blogger Patti said...

i say to all willing to listen: john mayer is my next husband. yeah, he is...

At 3:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you blog about once a week nowadays. there can't be much doubt you're gettin' some. probably right now. hell, probably as you read this. are you also eating a pastrami on rye?

At 12:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks Swishy! I think those were some GREAT ideas. I am going to try them. Right now I am tending to stick to raw veggies. I like them, so it works for now.

If it makes you feel any better, I couldn't wait for my people to come in the mail either. I bought it in the store, as soon as I saw it. It was worth it. So beautiful, the whole family!


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