So ... I opened the new computer. And I hate it. It sounds like I am kidding, but I am TOTALLY serious, and yes, I was/am completely stressed out about it. I was sitting on my living room floor at like 4:30 in the morning the other night, surrounded by styrofoam and boxes and bubble wrap, going holy shit, this is a complete disaster and I am the biggest freaking idiot on the planet.
I am literally shaking my head right now. It stressed me out so much I seriously can't even talk about it, other than to say THANK GOODNESS they're going to let me return it and then (goody) I'll start the whole thing all over again.
Ahhhh. OK, I'm changing the subject now. So they're repaving all the parking by my apartment, and they're doing it in four stages. They put up all these flyers that are like, "On Tuesday, we're doing Section 1. If you don't move your car from Section 1 by 7 a.m. that day, your car will get towed." Which immediately makes me paranoid because that would SO be the kind of thing that would happen to me (see: practically any blog post I've ever written).
So it was supposed to go Sections 1-4, Monday-Thursday, but they fell behind, so Section 1 got done on Tuesday and Section 2 got done on Thursday. I usually park in Section 3. They didn't put up any new, updated Section 3 flyers, but I thought, OK, I'll just park in a different section to be safe. Well, I got home around 10:30 last night, and there was NO parking ANYWHERE. I drove around and around and finally found a spot at the end of Section 3. I told myself a thousand times, "It's fine, there are no flyers, it's fine, they're not going to tow you, it's fine."
Well. I get into bed at like 2, turn off the lights and then pop back up, suddenly CONVINCED I'm parked in a bad spot, and even if I set my alarm for 6:30 so I can move my car, I won't wake up, and my car will get towed and then I'll just have to hurl myself off the golden arches of the McDonald's down the street because at that point it'll be official that I completely suck at life. So I throw on some flip-flops, grab my keys (and cell phone to dial 911 in case I trip over a serial killer lurking in the bushes) and go outside.
Once outside, I'm not entirely sure what I'm trying to accomplish. There are no more spots than there were three hours earlier; in fact, cars are lined up all along fire lanes and "do not park here" spots everywhere. So I basically just walk around, and can I just tell you, it was like the Secret Life of Apartment Living out there. First, the random guy unloading massive pieces of art out of the back of his SUV. At 2 a.m. On a weeknight. Inside the SUV, a splinted arm jutted in the air, connected to a lifeless body slumped in the passenger seat--my guess, someone who was shot and injured during the heist. "Do you know if they're repaving this part tomorrow?" I ask him. "No," he says, and starts grabbing the paintings faster. It's totally like The Thomas Crown Affair, only without Pierce Brosnan's charm and with Rene Russo, like, DEAD in the front seat. I clutch my keys so the pointy ends are facing out and start speedwalking away as fast as my flip-flops will let me.
A few minutes later, I bump into another guy. He doesn't know if they're repaving, either, but thinks I should be fine as long as I'm parked in a real spot (as opposed to the rebels in the fire lane spots). He tells me how he saw someone's car get towed that morning; I tell him about how my neighbor flew into a panic and raced outside at 8:30 just in time to move his. And then I remember it's the middle of the night and I'm standing outside in my pajamas with messy hair and no bra and I'm like, why I am even HAVING a conversation with another person right now.
But just then, there's a light. We turn, and it's a tow truck. A sneaky, stealthy, slowly-creeping-down-the-road tow truck, and we're like, WHAT is going on? The tow truck stops, and a guy jumps out with a super-high-powered flashlight and starts randomly PEEPING in some random, COMPLETELY LEGALLY PARKED PERSON's car!
My new friend: "I think that's a renegade tow truck."
Me: "Oh, my gosh, he's gonna STEAL something, isn't he?!?"
The guy jumps back into the tow truck and creeps along another few yards, and then starts peeking in someone ELSE'S car. And then someone ELSE'S! We watch as he goes all the way down to the end of the road, completely bypassing all of the questionably parked cars, and then turns around and drives back out.
NF: "That was really weird."
Me: "That WAS really weird." Pause. "I think I'm gonna go inside now."
And then I run inside. I am happy to report that I stumbled out in bare feet at 7:30 this morning to find my car still parked in its spot, next to a sign that said the paving will happen on Monday. Also, in completely unrelated news, my coffee shop gave me like free everything today and the Jolie-Pitt baby pictures are but a mere 48 hours away (supposedly 30 PAGES worth ... holy crap). So, you know. Computer debacle aside, there's that. Have a good weekend, everyone!