Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Week 1

I would be a terrible lady of leisure. I mean, absolutely terrible. Which is funny considering the number of Saturday afternoons I've sat comatose under a blanket on my couch watching My Best Friend's Wedding or Project Runway or whatever else TBS or Bravo has to throw at me, but there you have it. I told myself that the first few days I could chill out and do nothing while I got myself adjusted, but three days in, I'm already stressing out that I'm not getting enough done.

I've also discovered that I absolutely cannot work at home during the day, at least not yet--it makes me feel claustrophobic or stir crazy or something and I have to go somewhere. At night, no problem. During the day, no way.

I am such a neurotic girl sometimes.

It's been a very, very strange week. I'm sort of just feeling my way through it, I guess. I am fairly calm most of the time--even giddy sometimes--but every day there are a couple of hours where I seriously am so annoyed and aggravated and sad and just incredibly frustrated. Then it passes, and I feel OK again.

Yesterday was hard. I sent out my goodbye email to everyone at work. I've already said goodbye to everyone a thousand times, so I thought it would be OK, but it hit me much harder than I thought it would. It made it all so FINAL. And then these responses started coming in, these gorgeous, sweet, generous emails, and I just cried and cried. I have very, very emotional ties to that job. So it was hard.

(And then I took my stupid freaking car to the stupid freaking shop so it could pass the stupid freaking emissions test so I don't get any more stupid freaking tickets and my usual guys weren't there and the guy who WAS there wanted a thousand dollars to put in a new fuel tank! I was like, why. WHY?!?!??! And he said blah blah blah, and I said no, thank you, I think I will pass, person I now hate. That's why I didn't blog yesterday. I felt like if I blogged, the subject line would be "I am a cranky little bitch" and I didn't think that was a very cheery or empowering message to send out into the world.)

Anyway, get this. This was my horoscope the other day:

"You're in the middle of a readjustment and ought to find that the new situation is much more to your liking--once it's all past you, that is. Things are still a bit out of balance for now."

Yes! That's exactly how I feel right now. I'm a little sad, a little scared, a little stressed out, but there are big, heaping helpings of hope and excitement mixed in there, too. I hope I can figure out a better way to articulate this in the coming days, but there is something very empowering about wanting something more and doing something about it even though it's scary, and something very exciting about breaking away from complacency and seeing what happens. It feels pretty awesome.

I say that now. Just wait until I'm sitting in a gutter somewhere, selling pet rocks with magic marker eyes.

Just kidding. I'd at least glue on felt.


At 10:42 AM, Blogger Patti said...

i know this feeling well and can say it will pass,like bad gas. now send me one of those magic-marker eyes rocks. Want!

At 11:35 AM, Blogger Crazed said...

I would buy a set of your rocks! Could they be celebrity rocks? I would love that. You know that you have a huge support system and that you will never be without! Much love!

At 11:40 AM, Blogger J... said...

I would so totally buy a pet rock from you with Magic Marker eyes...as long as it had beautiful hair. :) Hang in there.

At 1:17 PM, Blogger THopgood said...

Change is always hard. But it'll pass. You'll be happier in the end.

At 2:07 PM, Blogger Melek said...

i wouldn't be able to sit idle either. i'd spend the first day at the pool reading a book. the 2nd day, i'd clean the house. the third day, maybe a massage and shopping. after that, i'd be nuts! how much longer will the sitting around go on? are you job hunting? what's up with that...anything good on the horizon?

At 2:33 PM, Blogger Dizzy Ms. Lizzy said...

Your system is reacting to the change in lifestyle, and it will take time to work through all of it. It will happen - - just give it a bit more time.

And I do so loves me some felt eyes on my pet rocks - - just let me know what they cost . . . :-)

At 3:57 PM, Blogger Monnik said...

no! Don't use felt eyes, you HAVE to use the little googly plastic ones!!!

Change is hard, but so worth it sometimes. Can't wait to hear more about it!!

At 4:24 PM, Blogger Beth said...

Swish, I would totally buy a pet rock from you....magic marker eyes and everything! and a "Celebrity rock" would be even better! you can do Brad and Angie's twins and make some BIG money!!!!

I love you Swish! you're da bomb!

At 5:58 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

Celebrity Pet Rocks for sale--I think you've found your calling-I've even googled it and there's nothing. (Not really, but I am sooo going to google it now!)

So, while you're figuring out life, what say you--a little Jess Riley and David Cook next week at my place? The invite's still there for the taking! xo

At 6:07 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

OK, I googled "Celebrity Pet Rocks" and came across a website called Pet Rock that had a real telephone message posted on it, then I went to youtube and found a 'reenactment' of the real telephone call--check it out--this'll make ANYONE feel better about his or her life!


At 11:26 PM, Blogger Mary Ann said...

I can't believe you worked so hard right up until the last day. They're going to miss you. And you will find your way. You will.

At 12:02 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

Hey, don't knock the pet rocks. We had a fundraiser for our local park where kids were selling magic marker eye pet rocks... with little felt blankets. Mister Man wanted one (for $2!) but I talked him into looking around elsewhere before making a decision. Phew, he forgot about them!

At 1:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved my pet rock....not really. But I do love how you had the courage to take this risk. Change is such a mixed bag, sad,frightening and exciting. I know good things will be happening for you with this change. Time to really grow. Know that it will be better than okay, it will be really great.

At 5:35 PM, Blogger Vanessa said...

I know emissions are important, but gah! $1000 for a gas tank?

Be sure to add a smile to your rock. ;-)

At 6:38 PM, Blogger Kristabella said...

I am right there with you kiddo! I think your horror-scope (that's what my dad always called it) was right.

Every time I've been jobless, I've turned into the LAZIEST HUMAN EVER.

At 10:03 PM, Blogger Sue said...

You might make more if you put on googly eyes instead of magic marker ones.

At 10:51 AM, Blogger Bina said...

Well thank God, cause I wouldn't buy a pet rock without felt missy!

And you'll be fine. You'll see. And SOMEONE out in blog land would rather have you stay with them then in some gutter, I'm sure! LOL

At 2:05 PM, Blogger Angela Williams Duea said...

Woo hoo! Your horoscope is right. You're on the verge of something big - even if it does involve celebrity pet rocks.

At 2:30 PM, Blogger Andie said...

hey, you never know, your pet rocks could be the next major fad!

seriously, though, I get it!

Good luck to you! I'm sure you'll do great!


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