Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

A desk says a thousand words

(Completely random note of the day: I got an email today FROM MY OWN EMAIL ADDRESS advertising hot, naked Angelina Jolie videos* and I was like, what? How is that from MY OWN email address? I think it's because I opened another email yesterday that I thought was a nice, friendly email because it said "Hello" in the subject line but really turned out to be spam. And then that little piece of spam somehow wrested control of my email address. Anyway, I got all freaked out, like, did it send dirty Angelina Jolie emails to everyone who's ever emailed me? If it did, I'M SORRY! I DID NOT SEND IT! If I were sending out hot, dirty emails they would be of BRAD. OBVIOUSLY. On to our post!)

So ... it took me eight hours to clean out my desk at work. EIGHT HOURS. Not eight hours with a little time spent eating lunch, a little time spent IMing, a little time spent talking about Brad and Angie's new twins** in the breakroom. EIGHT SOLID HOURS. Of course, because I am the most sentimental person on earth, I was taking pictures of everything, and as I was doing it, I was like, wow ... if you wanted to crack open the book that is Swishy, this would be a good place to start. Eyes are the windows to the soul ... and apparently my desk is a window to my neuroses.

I love sticky notes. I love making myself little notes on them, I love making lists on them, I just love them. Unfortunately, I love them so much ...

... I can't throw them away. Strangely, I don't have this little quirk at home, but at work, once I crossed everything off, I would save the stickies in an envelope just in case I needed them again. Or, you know, ever wanted to pull out a stack and marvel at my efficiency during that one week back in whatever that month was.

I threw away the envelope of stickies when I left. It was a very solemn, ceremonial moment, complete with the audience such a moment requires.

I don't remember how it came up, but once upon a time, I very innocently said that I liked the shiny little apple on the base of our Macs because I could check my hair in the reflection without even having to go to the bathroom. A few weeks later, I found a small mirror on my desk with that note.

But that wasn't the only mirror by my desk, ohhh, no. We moved offices two years ago. My old desk was in the back of the room, which was perfect. The new desk was smack dab in the middle of traffic, and it FREAKED me OUT. What if some serial killer snuck into the office? He could creep up behind me with his 12-inch knife and stab me right in the neck before I could so much as grab a dull pencil to retaliate. So I bought a bigger mirror and, after much trial and error, figured out how to hang it on the wall so I could look up and see behind me. In addition to scaring off serial killers, it also allowed me to clearly see every time my boss walked out of his office and ... oh, FINE, occasionally check my hair. Not that I was ever good-naturedly MOCKED for that or anything ...

I think I've mentioned before that people liked to leave things on my desk. In this case, however, I am sure they had the wrong desk. I'm SURE.

All in all, the desk in, oh, Hour 2 (you'll notice I eventually moved the computer so I could face the direction of traffic ... but yes, left the mirror hanging there):

And in Hour 3,984:

And, of course, it wouldn't have been a proper farewell without this:

* Great. People are totally going to come to my blog now after doing Google searches for hot, sexy Angelina Jolie videos.
** The Brangelina baby photo shoot is allegedly going to take place on Monday, so ... pictures next week! Maybe!


At 3:12 AM, Blogger eva said...

Well indeed a desk say more than a thousands words and as the matter of fact one must practice to keep desk clean and tidy and sometimes a messy to show how much work you are performing....
Vivienne Marcheline

At 4:56 AM, Blogger House of Jules said...

Eight hours! It's truly amazing how much of ourselves we can have at work. About 6 years ago, I got laid off from a job at a publishing company and it was totally unexpected (to those of us who got laid off, anyway). My boss had to escort everyone in the art dept. out of the building and I was last b/c it took so long for me to pack up my things. I even had to schedule a time to come back and pick the rest of my stuff up; and our IT department had to burn a bunch of personal project files of things I worked on when we were slow from my computer to a CD for me (which was lucky, most places would not have done that).
Anyway, congrats on this next step in the big process for you, that photo of your cube all cleaned out is symbolic. Fresh start... wooooo hooooo!
House of Jules

At 6:26 AM, Blogger Jules said...

Oh my gosh! Your desk is NAKED!
But isn't it kind of freeing? Uh..... getting rid of all that stuff part I mean..... not the naked part.

At 7:43 AM, Blogger Mary Ann said...

Cute toes! Is that a green wig over there on the left??

Here's to fresh starts! Looking forward to when you walk in a place and have a whole new naked desk to start making your own.

At 10:03 AM, Blogger The Franchise said...

You should use a sticky note to leave yourself the note..."Buy more sticky notes!"

Yes I am hilarious...

At 10:05 AM, Blogger Beth said...

Would they PLEASE hurry up and get those pictures out there??!!! and did you see Jassica Alba's baby? CUTE!!!
Ha! I typed "JASSica"!!!!!!!

all that ...stuff...was your desk??? How did you ever get any work done?! ;) I think I see a stack of US Magazines in there somewhere too! ;)

At 1:11 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

Your toes look great.

Your office looks lonely and sad.

I am pouting.

Get in the car RIGHT THIS SECOND and get your arse to CHICAGO!!!!

I called you yesterday!!!

At 1:20 PM, Blogger Eileen said...

Those are some fine looking toes. Toe porn people will google you too now.

At 8:17 PM, Blogger AlaneM said...

Congrats on cleaning off your desk - mine didn't take me that long but close :)
I love your cute toes, nice color on the nails!

At 10:12 PM, Blogger JenKneeBee said...

Man those google searchers are going to be disappointed. And WOW that's alot of sticky notes. I love it. I should start buying more sticky notes.

At 10:50 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

Nice toes and flip-flops!

I'm amazed at your cleanout. Right now, I have so little at the office (partly due to our "clean desk" policy) that if they fired me, I wouldn't actually have to go in except to drop off my laptop. Sad, isn't it?

And I loved your sticky note filled desk!

At 12:58 AM, Blogger Sarah said...

HOLY CRAP that's alot of sticky notes.

The bare desk is so sad, though. You should have left 1 sticky behind at least.

But, kick back and enjoy where life takes you now. But hopefully not before you snag a date with the CIA guy!

At 9:19 AM, Blogger Melek said...

wow, ihope the 'before' desk picture is after a few hours of cleaning bc wow, how could you work like that? there's no room to write a sticky note...not to mention anywhere to stick it! :)

i LOVE that you work on a mac! i thought that by law, corporate offices HAD to use PCs. or maybe that's just in TX since Dell and HP are both here. Either way, best of luck on your new journey Mac-Sistah!

At 1:06 PM, Blogger Angela Williams Duea said...

Breaking up is hard to do.

At 2:26 PM, Blogger Andie said...

I'm a post it fanatic too. I have some fun ones that have clever messages on them and stuff.

I don't keep them though. I get a weird satisfaction in 'doing' the things on them and then crumbling them up into a rainbow of color in my trashcan.

I guess it's sort of therapeutic like crossing off stuff you've finished on a "to do list"

At 4:53 AM, Blogger La La said...

I absolutely love post it notes, too, and I wish I had bought some stock in post it notes or even better, I wish I had invented the darn things.

I spend so much money on them and I have my students use them for everything, too!

I'm just catching up on blog reading and I usually just lurk around yours, but this time I wanted to comment and let you know that I share your love for sticky notes. : )

At 7:29 AM, Blogger kim said...

It's not the angie porn you need to worry about, it's the foot fetish weirdos -- if you post the feet, they will come.

...I see eileen already picked up on that one!

At 10:13 PM, Blogger shopgirl said...

OMG!! 8 hours of cleaning out your desk!! You are too funny - yet - it feels very familiar. I have been at the same job/employer for abut 8 years now and I think I've had to move like 6 or more! Every time I say I'm not going to keep as much "crap" on my desk and everytime I end up with more! I'm sure if I had to pack up tomorrow - it would take the entire day to get me out of there!

Best of luck to you on your new journey!

At 4:53 PM, Blogger Vanessa said...

Holy sticky notes Batman!

At 9:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

good to see this one..

At 10:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hai top all



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