Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Bitch and moan

When I was in college, there was this radio show on Friday nights called Bitch and Moan. It wasn't the college station or anything, just a random FM station, and for two hours they'd take calls from people who wanted advice about stuff. I LOVED that show. It was on early enough (8-10) that you could listen to it and then go out and do whatever else, so my friend Jill and I would go get crappy, yummy food and then drive around and listen and eat and talk back to the radio. (You know, like how Meg Ryan does in Sleepless in Seattle? When she's driving around listening to Dr. Marcia Fieldstone and she's like, "Ugh! That's terrible advice! DON'T LISTEN TO HER, JONAH!" Like that.)

Anyway, that's pretty much why I haven't blogged in like forever. Not because I'm driving around listening to talk radio (I wish) but because every time I go to post I want to bitch and moan, and it's annoying to me, so I'm sure it's annoying to everyone else, too. It's all work drama and, I mean, it is all fine, I am just cranky about it.

These are some of the things I've done instead:

* Eaten dinner in my bed. I've done it like three times, which is crazy because I never, ever eat in bed. It feels sort of indulgent, I think that's why.
* Started watching Season 2 of The Hills here.
* Gone to Target like three times to buy totally random things, like a blue glittery ball that lights up when you bounce it and a package of 100 water balloons.
* Went to the Sex and the City movie, obsessed about the woman who brought her poor, sweet 13-year-old son (TO THE LATE SHOWING, no less) and then read all the comments about it on Television Without Pity.
* Took my friend's daughter out for ice cream, which led to the following exchange on the way home:

Her: I have to go to the bathroom.
Me: OK, we are, like, two minutes away. Can you hold it?
Her: No. I don't know.
Me: We're almost there. Listen to me. I am so dead serious. DO NOT pee in my car. OK?
Her (giggles, and then mimics me in a sing-song voice): I am so dead serious.
Me: I AM so dead serious. NO PEEING IN THE CAR.
Her: Too late, I already did.
Me: That's not funny.
Her: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Me: If you pee in my car, I will make you go home with that guy in the black car over there. Do you see him? He's picking his nose right now.
Her: Ewww.
Me: Yeah. He's a grown-up. PICKING HIS NOSE. And I will make you go with him instead if you pee in my car.
Her: No, you won't. (Pause.) Ha ha, I peed again.
Me: Oh, you're soooo funny. Soooo hilarious.
Her: Ha ha ha ha ha. (Makes a whoosh sound.) I just peed AGAIN! Ha ha ha ha ha.

Thankfully, no actual peeing occurred in the backseat of my car. I don't think.

27 Comments:

At 9:23 AM, Blogger Golightly said...

Hilarious. I hear that, sometimes all I want to do is bitch and moan too. Sometimes it helps to just get it out there, no matter what others will think. Hope you have a good day

 
At 10:21 AM, Blogger Patti said...

kiddo shtick is the best...

 
At 10:32 AM, Blogger shopgirl said...

Your blog is great! I'm new to the blog world and stumbled onto yours from a referral from my friend Amanda. Anyway - just wanted to say thank you for letting me escape my work for a bit! And I'm also sure the IT guys here at work enjoy it too - since they are probably logging every site I visit while I should be working - oopsie!

Looking forward to more rants/raves from you - have a great day!

 
At 11:35 AM, Blogger Beth said...

ahhh, Swishy, my swishy....you can bitch and moan anytime you want to, cuz it's always funny!!! You make life so much fun, Swish.

water balloons, huh? Are you throwing them out an upstairs window?...hmmm....maybe? maybe on that grown man picking his nose?
"It was a scratch!!! Not a pick!"

 
At 1:35 PM, Blogger Melissa said...

I would have just threatened to make her pee on the side of the road...I'm crafty like that.

 
At 2:05 PM, OpenID theneatos said...

I can totally relate to the work crap bringing ya down. Between work overwhelming me and issues with the BFF living situation ... I have been MIA from blog world. It sucks, because I feel like it'd be a good release ... but ... wow, I would sure scare away my 3 readers!

Here's to work getting happier and smoother! [_]0

 
At 3:53 PM, Blogger Monnik said...

who would take a 13 yo boy to SATC? psycho.

your friend's kid is funny. and so are you...

 
At 3:57 PM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

Note to self: Do NOT sit in the back seat of Swishy's car on the way to Wisconsin Saturday...

:)

 
At 4:04 PM, Blogger Andie said...

I hear ya on bitch and moan. I have blog entries, but I lose my train of thought and start on something else and they are so not cohesive.

So did you like SATC?

 
At 4:45 PM, Blogger Angela Williams Duea said...

I like your friend's kid. Especially the swooshing in Swishy's car.

 
At 6:03 PM, Blogger XYZinn said...

That was the best radio show! Ahh, the good ol' days! I want some Sconecutters!!

 
At 6:29 PM, Blogger flea said...

haha, girl you are to funny!

who doesn't love to bitch and moan, it's what keeps me going day in and day out, at least you always seem to make it seem so light and funny, mine is always just down right depressing

 
At 7:28 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

Kind of reminds me of you toliet paper outage situation.. I had to pee in a very strange place today and I think I pulled it off without being seen. Let's just say that both of our toliets weren't working properly and i was scared to use either one....
I thought I was going to have to go to 7-11 when I got a brainstorm, thank god I only had to pee.

 
At 8:00 PM, Blogger AlaneM said...

Your friends daughter is killing me...she's got your number bigtime girl!
Thanks for the laughs :)

 
At 8:12 PM, Blogger Vanessa said...

Peed in your car? I would have swerved off whatever road I was on, hauled her out and made her pee right there, wherever there was. See? This is why I'd be a bad mother.

Eating in bed? Now that's divine!

 
At 9:06 PM, Anonymous kristabella said...

I only eat in bed in the summer because that is where the window air conditioner is.

 
At 9:37 PM, Blogger Cecily R said...

Oh, I'd read you bitch and moan. Especially if it had spy stuff sprinkled in every once in a while...

Oddly, I wrote yesterday about a little girl peeing in the car too. Only it really happened. Luckily though, it was my kid.

 
At 11:51 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

Funny...

I find that my blog is frequently a bitch and moan session as well -- thankfully not always -- but that it is better for my sanity and family if I get it out of my system on my blog when it comes up. Although granted, I've yet to post about my new boss who forgot I existed among other deficiencies....

The eating in bed really does sound decadent. And hmmm... I'm taking a mental health day tomorrow (after dropping Little Miss at daycare and getting Mister Man on the bus). Maybe I'll take a cue from you!

 
At 1:30 PM, Blogger kim said...

Wisconsin Saturday?

I'm in Wisconsin.

 
At 5:22 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

Kim ... where??

And you guys are so nice. I just might bitch and moan a little tonight or tomorrow :)

 
At 9:02 PM, Blogger kim said...

I'm half hour from milwaukee and one hour from madison -- is Trish doing a book thing? It's Winnie's birthday and I will have in-laws in town, but if you ladies will be at a bookstore or perhaps a starbucks? I would have to do a drive by if you were near.

I would e-mail, but I'm just about to put the kids to bed. Seriously, e-mail me from my blog link if you will be in my hood.

 
At 8:49 AM, Blogger Mary Ann said...

Know how they say "you could sing the phone book"...well, you could blog the phone book and it would be funny. So bitch and moan all you want.

Loved ttq saying she thinks no one saw her pee. Maybe we'll see ttq on YouTube now!

 
At 3:42 PM, Blogger Bina said...

Ha Ha Ha! Kids are just so funny.

Hm, a 13 year old boy to Sex and The City? WTF?? People are so stupid.

I NEVER eat my bed either. I don't want to chance sleeping on any crumbs, because princess that I am, I can certainly feel them! Heck, I don't even like WRINKLES in my bed, of any kind!

 
At 11:20 AM, Blogger Crazed said...

I am not sure who is crazier... you or that wild child that pretended to pee in your car! You are really the greatest and I think that she has everyone's number... she is just that kind of kid!

 
At 9:01 AM, Blogger Jenster said...

I like it when people bitch and moan. Makes me feel good about my life.

Your friend's girl cracks me up. You crack me up. You guys should hang out more often.

 
At 10:25 PM, Blogger JenKneeBee said...

Haha! What a cute kid. Do NOT pee in my car. Always a good rule to have.

 
At 12:46 AM, Blogger Barrie said...

Have you and Manic Mom considered doing a call-in radio show? Enquiring minds....and all that stuff. :)

 

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