This is why I get the mail
There are things I love more than People magazine. Certain blood relatives. Toilets that flush. The fact that I'm not in jail in some foreign country for a crime I didn't commit.
Some things. But not many.
I don't always have a lot of opinions when I read People magazine, but I did yesterday. Very hard-hitting opinions. Life-changing, world-altering opinions. Which I will now share with you.
It was the J.Lo baby picture issue. We'll get to that in a second. First, Angie and the kids.
Would you just look at the bags of Cheetos in those kids' hands? Would you?? Those kids love their Cheetos, and I love that they love them. Their parents are freaking Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, and they still have sticky faces and orange fingers and messy hair like any other normal kids. That is awesome.
Oh, my hotness. I loved Pacey Witter. LOVED. If staring at this picture for 10 straight minutes is wrong, I don't want to be right.
Apparently the editor of People shares one of my guilty pleasures, because this is merely one of THREE separate pages devoted to The Hills in this issue. That is on par with the attention they devote to, say, shirtless Matthew McConaughey pictures, which is basically as high status as it gets in People magazine world.
The Hills starts its new season this week. I'm not sure why I like The Hills. It's kind of like asking Shiloh Jolie-Pitt why she loves her Cheetos so much. I just DO.
And finally ... the J.Lo baby pictures.
(OK, all of a sudden I'm scared to post this one because People paid like SIX MILLION for them AND agreed never to call Jennifer Lopez J.Lo again and I don't want their lawyers to come after me and my tiny little blog. I'll mail you my copy if you want to see them, how's that? Or you can look when you're at the grocery store. In the meantime just PRETEND you're looking at a picture of J.Lo and a pink-clad Mark Anthony pushing highly impractical strollers across their driveway. Ready ... go!)
I am sorry, but these pictures CREEPED me OUT! The photos themselves are beautifully shot and the babies are cute and everything else. But there was something SO CREEPY to me about them. They reminded me of Brad and Angelina's W magazine shoot a couple of years ago. I liked those photos ... but the difference is that THOSE were fake. They were two people play-acting, sort of a stylized satire. They weren't supposed to be representative of someone's REAL LIFE! Like, do people really wheel around $3,000 strollers? Do they really decorate their children's nurseries with crystal chandeliers and silver baby rattles? Do straight men really wear pink cardigans? SO MANY QUESTIONS!
All right, that concludes this installment of "Let's pretend you're sitting on the couch next to Swishy while she talks nonsense about nonsensical things." Tune in next week when she dissects the pros and cons of the three different vanilla lotions she has in her bathroom. Fun!
(P.S. How was everyone's weekend? Good? I hope so. Bracket update: Pretty much everyone has taken a turn in first, I think, but coming out of the weekend Mr. Josh is in the lead. I have it on good authority that he drank the USC Kool-Aid, though, soooo ... we'll see!)