Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Monday, March 31, 2008

The streak is over

I am notorious for cutting it close at the airport, and it drives my dad absolutely batshit crazy. Every single time I visit my parents, we have the same conversation:

Him, while watching me either throw things frantically into a suitcase or eat a leisurely bowl of Golden Grahams in front of The View: You're going to miss your flight.
Me: Dad. Relax. It doesn't leave for like an hour and a half.
Him: It takes 20 minutes to get there. And the security lines are always long at our airport.
Me: Dad. I fly all the time. We'll be fine, I promise.
Him: I'm not kidding. Do you know what time it is? You're going to miss your flight.
Me: DAD! It's FINE. I haven't missed a flight yet, have I?

He goes and grumbles in the other room, and I finish getting ready. And then we leave for the airport, it takes me two minutes to get through security and I call him from the gate and say, "Told you!"

I will NEVER get to say that again. Yes, I am home, and yes, I am alive, but sadly--SADLY!--the streak is over. I have now officially missed a flight. But really, it was only PARTLY my fault.

This is what happened. I stopped off on the way to the airport to say goodbye to some people, and I figured since they actually LIVED there they could give me directions to the airport from their office. So one of the girls writes out these directions for me--detailed, NUMBERED directions--and I set off on my merry way.

Well. Several minutes later, I'm like, this does not, not, NOT look like the right way, so I call her and tell her where I am. "Uh-oh," she says, "I think I forgot to write down one of the turns. Let me put you on the phone with someone else." Mr. Someone Else gets on the phone. "Whoa," he says, "you are WAY out of the way. You need to come back the way you came." Did I mention that the NCAA Tournament was in town? The NCAA Tournament was in town. Which meant I got to double back through lots of traffic. Good times!

I finally get back on the road I think I'm supposed to be on, but I'm a little nervous because I don't see any airport signs. I see a guy in a church parking lot and I decide to pull off and ask him if I'm on the right track before I waste any more time. Bad move. BAD move.

Me: Hi. I'm so sorry to bother you, but can you tell me if I'm going the right way to the airport?
Him: Hi! I'm Troy! This is my wife Tracy, and these are our kids ... Tracy's pregnant with twins, due in July.
Me: That's great. Congratulations.
Him: Yeah, it's really exciting. I'm in charge of an afterschool program here at the church ... do you want to come inside and meet our pastor?
Me: I really ... that's really nice of you, but I'm kind of in a ...

Five minutes (that felt like 50) later, I finally get back on the road.

I get to the airport and I zoom, I mean ZOOM, through the rental car return. I book it into the terminal, 20 minutes before the flight is supposed to leave, and am immediately informed that I am too late to check in, but I can fly standby on a flight three hours later. Fine. Whatever. I have my laptop, I have a book, I'll survive.

I go to the gate and tell the guy I'm there, and he's like, yeah, come back in three hours. So I go off, get something to eat, make some work calls, flip through USA Today, all the while being INCREDIBLY Zen about the whole thing. It's just a few hours, I figure. It's no big deal, it's even kind of funny ... and then I go back to the gate.

Guy at the gate: So ... you know how you were here earlier?
Me: Umm ... yeah?
Guy: You actually could have gotten on the flight. They had just started boarding.
Me: Wait ... what? The flight I was scheduled on? The flight you said I MISSED?
Guy: Yeah. There was a lot going on, and I didn't realize it until after you walked away. Sorry about that. (Swishy note: There was more than one flight boarding at the same gate, which is why I didn't push the issue--I knew I was late, and I just assumed it was the other flight.)

Bye-bye, Zen outlook! WHY EVEN TELL ME THAT??? WHY? I did NOT need that little piece of info, I really didn't. But of course I was all nice to him anyway, mostly because I didn't want the only available seat on the next flight to mysteriously end up "taken." Also because I am passive-aggressive. But mostly to make sure I got on the flight.

Oh, well. It could have been worse. They could have lost my luggage. Or the plane could have crashed. Or I could have sat next to someone who farted the entire flight. So ... not so bad.

27 Comments:

At 3:51 AM, Blogger Shauna said...

You have the best airport stories EVER!! I'm glad you're home safe and didn't have to survive a flatulent flier next to you. ;-)

 
At 8:04 AM, Blogger THopgood said...

That's a great story! Love it! I wish I could be more zen like! I'da been goin crazy!

 
At 9:34 AM, Blogger Jules said...

Of course the worst part about the story is that your streak is over. Sadcakes!!!! Sorry to hear it but as always it makes for a good story!
Jules
House of Jules

 
At 10:09 AM, Blogger Monnik said...

Wow - sorry to hear that the streak is over, but like you said, it could have been worse.

The guy in the church parking lot cracked me up. Funny, funny.

 
At 10:43 AM, Blogger Melissa said...

LOL! I love the bright outlook at the end!

 
At 11:08 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

ZENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

ZEEEENNNNNNNNN

ZZEEEEEN

ZEEENN

ZEN

NO ZEN

I'm glad you posted because I was seriously beginning to wonder what the heck has happened to my Swishy!

Also, glad you didn't get all "medieval on his ass" because he didn't get you on your flight. You are still total Zen in my book!

PS--Name that movie.

 
At 11:35 AM, Blogger Melek said...

manic - that movie is Pulp Fiction

Swishy - it would have been better had he not told you. that stinks. but at least you were very calm about it. good for you. and i love the "i could have sat next to a guy who farted the whole trip" hahaha

 
At 11:40 AM, Blogger Tanya said...

Three hours in an airport has got to feel like an eternity.

You really could have seen the after school program at the church. At least it would have killed some time.

;)

 
At 12:06 PM, Blogger Patti said...

i want to know why he didn't chase you down after his mistake. ugh...

 
At 12:19 PM, Blogger Mary Ann (Moanna) said...

Or why he didn't page you??? This was so not your fault.

 
At 12:25 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

YEAH! He TOTALLY should have paged me!! I was only like three gates away!

 
At 2:11 PM, Blogger Angela Williams Duea said...

Awww. that stinks! Glad you got home, though.

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger Andie said...

I would have gone crazy on that guy. seriously.

you are a really patient person.

 
At 2:49 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

You sound just like me when I'm flying. So far, my streak is intact though. Since they started allowing you to print your boarding pass in advance though, I've really started cutting in close! My parents are the opposite (see the movie experience yesterday), and I hate being in the airport 2 hours in advance when we travel together.

Glad you made it home, though!

 
At 3:14 PM, Blogger Bina said...

My Lord. I think I would slapped that guy for even telling me that! And what town were you in? Mayberry? They told you 1/2 their life story before they helped you? Are you sure that wasn't a nightmare?

 
At 4:41 PM, Blogger Stephanie said...

I'm totally the opposite! I always give myself 1hr 1/2 to two hours. Which I'm glad I did this time, cause there was the longest line because of NCAA tournament and Easter. I have no ounce of Zen in my body. I wish I did! :)

 
At 7:57 PM, Blogger Eileen said...

What did your dad have to say? I am totally imagining how I would have to hear about him being right over and over and over until my dad either became demented or I stopped coming home.

 
At 8:07 PM, Blogger flea said...

hahahahhaha

oh my, girl you could write a book on airport stories. i so would've flipped out and caused a major drama scene if that would've happend to me cuz I HATE airports, like really hate them, so instead I read your funny little stories

 
At 8:36 PM, Blogger LaskiGal said...

After all you went through. I'm with you . . . why did he have to tell you that!?! This is a case where ignorance would have been bliss . . . or ZEN. Ugh.

 
At 8:51 PM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

Seriously, you have some funny airport stories. Makes me want to book a flight with you to somewhere random, just to see what happens :)

 
At 9:29 PM, Anonymous Ree said...

Snort. ;-) I'm not EVEN going to talk about never missing a flight. This is why I get to the airport 3 hours ahead of time. And drink. The entire 3 hours. ;-)

 
At 12:10 AM, Blogger KATE said...

Wow, that licks! Sorry! I am glad to know that you didn't in fact end up sitting next to a farter tho! Good Job on side stepping that land mine!

 
At 2:23 AM, Blogger Barrie said...

So, now that your streak is over, how early will you arrive at the airport? :) One hour? Two hours? A day?

 
At 10:23 AM, Blogger cubmommy said...

You should write a book about your airport travels. So funny!

 
At 10:26 AM, Blogger Mommy Confidential said...

batshit crazy, my favorite phrase ever. My hubby and I have even shortened it to BSC when our kids are welling being BSC. love the story

 
At 11:42 AM, Blogger Steph said...

My husband use to be like you when it came to getting to the airport for a flight until he missed one (all his fault I might add!) Now he is crazy about flying and getting there on time, total 180 of the old flyer :)

 
At 2:30 PM, Blogger mylhibug said...

I will have you know that just because I pass a little gas on the plane, does not mean i'm not a human being!

I hope this doesn't mean that you are starting a new streak, of NOT making your flight.

Okay, I will now go back and crawl under that rock you picked up. :)

 

Post a Comment

<< Home