Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Saturday, March 08, 2008


I have had job stuff and nothing but job stuff on the brain for the past week, which pretty much makes me the most boring person in the world. Here is a (partial) list of things that are much more interesting than me right now:

* Bleaching socks.
* Blowing air across a half-empty bottle of Dr Pepper to the tune of America the Beautiful.
* Flossing.
* Googling random area codes to see what cities they belong to.
* Cleaning the lint out of the dryer.
* Watching a bug crawl up the wall, all the way to the ceiling.
* Seeing how many times you can shake your head back and forth before you get dizzy.
* Holding both arms over your head to see how long you would last in one of those endurance challenges on Survivor.
* Calling the 800 number on the back of cough syrup/Hostess cupcakes/L'Oreal mascara/whatever just to say hi.
* Counting how many squares are on a roll of toilet paper.
* Reading old term papers you wrote in high school English class ... which, yes, for some reason you still have in your possession.
* Engaging in a debate about what it means to be a "hollaback girl"
* Or what Fergie means when she talks about her "london bridge"
* And then wondering why you even care about two stupid songs that came out like two years ago anyway.
* Et cetera.

Actually, I take back what I said earlier. I've thought about lots of things besides work. Like, for example, I finally got around to reading the Oscar issue of Entertainment Weekly and I decided that if I ever win an Oscar, I'm going right up to Jack Nicholson and totally laying a big kiss on him before I go on stage to get my award. Just because it's Jack Nicholson. And it's the Oscars. And--

I'm sorry, you what? You have to go clean the lint out of the dryer? Fine. FINE!


At 9:36 AM, Blogger Jenster said...

I found this post to be riviting. RIVITING, I say!!!

Can't wait to see you liplock with Jack before your acceptance speech!

At 11:53 AM, Blogger Patti said...

ok, how did you find my list?!

At 2:25 PM, Blogger Vanessa said...

This was hilarious, good luck with work!

At 4:16 PM, Blogger Tanya said...

So what IS Fergie referring to with her "London Bridge"?

At 5:20 PM, Blogger Beth said...

eeewwwww, JAck Nicholson? He IS The Dirty Old Man!!

I liked your list...more interesting than my day!!

hugs Swishy Girl!!

At 7:09 PM, Blogger Chrissy said...

You are as usual hilarious!

Reading old term papers you wrote in high school English class ... which, yes, for some reason you still have in your possession.

Haha, I actually still have papers from grade school.

At 7:45 PM, Blogger Stephanie said...

I so want you to win an Oscar now! I think you now know where you are moving to. Pack your bags you are heading to LA for a career in the BIZ.

At 11:03 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

You're so fucking funny. I just adore you and am so so so glad you are my BBFF in the entire world.

Truly, and HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY almost birthday! ! ! ! ! ! ! !


By the way, I am kinda buzzed so I forogt owhat I was gonna say, so let me rethink this... Oh yeah... last night, Mr. Manic and i were playing Would You Rather on the car ride home last night and we played Would You Rather meet Robert DiNiro or Jack Nicholson and it was a tough debate but he sooo chose JACK!!!


At 11:09 PM, Blogger Sara Hantz said...

Hey, happy birthday Swishy!!!! Your life sounds as wicked as mine hahahaha

At 11:34 PM, Blogger Moanna said...

Not borrrring!

At 12:00 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

Well, as scintillating as you make gathering dryer lint, I'm guessing your life is a bit more fun -- especially TODAY since it's your birthday! Happy Birthday, Swishy (even though you got gypped out of one hour because of daylight savings time)!

At 12:00 AM, Blogger Kalynne Pudner said...

Yes, I guess I'm one of Manic's minions. Everytime she says to go somewhere or do something, I do it.

Guess it's a good thing I'm not as close to her as you are!

Happy birthday, and pleased to meet you!

"The Philosopher-Mom"

At 1:16 AM, Blogger Cecily R said...

So according to Manic, we share a birthday! Happy Birthday Swishy! I hope it's a great one (even though I am wildly irritated that I lose an hour of sleep...)!!

At 3:31 AM, Blogger Jules said...

House of Jules

At 6:07 AM, Blogger Amanda said...

Happy birthday to you!
Squash tomatoes and stew!
You look like a monkey
And you live in a zoo!

Happy birthday swishy!

At 8:37 AM, Blogger Donna said...

Well I am not sure I could enter into a debate about either the "hollaback girl" (even after reading the very intriguing article) or Fergie's "London Bridge" the latter mostly because when I hear Fergie I think Duchess of York not Pop star. Their currently are no bugs crawling up the wall, and cleaning lint out of the dryer would require removing the clothing and forcing me to put it away. I am intrigued about calling one of the numbers, but I don't think they would be answering this early on a Sunday. So I went ahead and read your blog and I was not disappointed. Oh and Manic says to wish you a happy Birthday. So... Happy Birthday Swishy!! May your day be better than your previous week :)

At 8:42 AM, Blogger Melisa said...

Happy Birthday!!!

At 9:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Swishy!!! Happy Birthday to my daughter Stephanies BBFF! Don't know how old you are and age never really matters. Just so you have lots of friends who love you and as long as you have good health!! Nana Banana in Florida

At 10:19 AM, Blogger Steph said...

I good friend of yours told me it was your birthday soo...Happy birthday!Hope you have a great day!

At 11:27 AM, Blogger CelticBuffy said...

Birthday? Did I hear birthday? Happy Birthday to you! from a fellow March birthday gal.

At 11:30 AM, Blogger Melissa said...

Looks like I'm late to the party! I hope you have a great birthday!!

At 11:50 AM, Blogger Sue said...

I hope your birthday turns you into the most scintillating person in the world today, Swishy!

Happy, happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!k

At 12:45 PM, Anonymous Holly M. said...

Happy Bithday Swishy!!! Hugs from the 'Great White North"!!

At 12:52 PM, Blogger jenny gardiner said...

Taking a break from cleaning bird poop off the floor (see, there IS someone engaged in more boring things than you!) to wish you a huge HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! (When Stephanie tells us to do something...)

At 2:16 PM, Blogger Moanna said...

Oh wow, Happy Birthday! I hope you're having a great one and taking photos...

At 4:53 PM, Blogger Tanya said...

I hope you get to party like its your birthday!

At 8:11 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

HOW NICE you all are!! Thank you so much!


At 12:19 AM, Blogger mylhibug said...

I was just going to leave some nonsensical comment as always, but since it's your birthday - for the next 44 minutes, at least, I shall now sing to you...

Happy Birthday to you - cha cha cha!
Happy Birthday to you - Cha Cha Cha!
Happy Birthday dear Swishy, happy birthday to you - cha cha cha, ooh la la pizza!

Hope I got that right, and was only slightly out of tune even. :)

Happy Birthday!

At 5:57 PM, Blogger Andie said...

dude, when I was in jr. high... I called the customer #'s on the back of everything- toothpaste, hershey's kisses, cereal, salsa, detergent.

I got overloaded with a buttload of free samples and stuff. I even got a "colgate" gym bag.

They like it when you give them compliments. I wonder if they still do that sort of stuff.

At 7:17 PM, Blogger Angela WD said...

OK, I actually did have to go check out the hollaback girl debate. That's been a mystery to me for years.

Happy Birthday!


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