Dancing with the Stars' biggest fan
That would be me, as of 24 hours ago. Do you know who's going to be on the new season? DO you? Jason Taylor, that's who. So? you ask. So, I reply, Jason Taylor is merely one of the MOST AMAZING PHYSICAL SPECIMENS ON PLANET EARTH.
I am not kidding. Photos do not do this man justice. This is the only person who has ever rendered me speechless--no small feat, I will have you know--simply by virtue of his physical beauty. A reenactment of when Swishy and Jason met:
Swishy, mouth open, drool puddling on the floor: I ... I ... I ... I'm sorry, I completely forgot what I was about to say.
(Jason smiles, and Swishy is simultaneously dazzled and driven into further idiocy.)
Swishy: I ... I'm sorry. I just ... my mind just totally went blank.
(Jason smiles some more, and Swishy stares some more. And then some more.)
I literally COULD NOT TALK. It was like the sky parted and the heavens opened up. Angels started singing and he was suddenly surrounded by a halo of radiant light. Holy crap, that man is beautiful. And now I will get to watch him (in regular clothes! TIGHT clothes! sans helmet!) every Monday night on my TV. I am totally going to start a training regimen for my dialing finger. And possibly invest in a high-definition television. A BIG one.
(P.S. I will do the CD drawing as soon as I can tear myself away from Mr. Sex on a Stick.)