Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Dancing with the Stars' biggest fan

That would be me, as of 24 hours ago. Do you know who's going to be on the new season? DO you? Jason Taylor, that's who. So? you ask. So, I reply, Jason Taylor is merely one of the MOST AMAZING PHYSICAL SPECIMENS ON PLANET EARTH.



I am not kidding. Photos do not do this man justice. This is the only person who has ever rendered me speechless--no small feat, I will have you know--simply by virtue of his physical beauty. A reenactment of when Swishy and Jason met:

Swishy: Hi.
Jason: Hi.
Swishy, mouth open, drool puddling on the floor: I ... I ... I ... I'm sorry, I completely forgot what I was about to say.
(Jason smiles, and Swishy is simultaneously dazzled and driven into further idiocy.)
Swishy: I ... I'm sorry. I just ... my mind just totally went blank.
(Jason smiles some more, and Swishy stares some more. And then some more.)

I literally COULD NOT TALK. It was like the sky parted and the heavens opened up. Angels started singing and he was suddenly surrounded by a halo of radiant light. Holy crap, that man is beautiful. And now I will get to watch him (in regular clothes! TIGHT clothes! sans helmet!) every Monday night on my TV. I am totally going to start a training regimen for my dialing finger. And possibly invest in a high-definition television. A BIG one.

(P.S. I will do the CD drawing as soon as I can tear myself away from Mr. Sex on a Stick.)

34 Comments:

At 12:00 AM, Blogger Cecily R said...

Okay, the whole post is awesome, but the Mr. Sex on a Stick comment nearly made me pee. Fan-freaking-tastic!!

 
At 12:35 AM, Blogger Stephanie said...

Ooohhh! He was one of the ones I'd never heard of but now based on the pic, I'm very excited.

 
At 1:03 AM, Blogger Jules said...

I am going to make it my business to know who Jason Taylor is and what his stats are before this season of DWTS begins, but in the meantime I am agreeing completely with your "Mr. Sex on a Stick" description... so really, I suppose knowing who he is doesn't really matter.
Did you see that Adam Corolla is with Julianne Hough? I love me some Adam Corolla (though, not in a sexual way) but I couldn't help to think that someone has set her up with the ultimate challenge. I can't imagine his body moves anything like speedskater Ono or at all like that adorable racecar driver she was with last season. Don't think he'll be rolling his hips very well to the tune of Salt n Pepa's Push It! Poor Julianne.

 
At 8:01 AM, Blogger Moanna said...

Ok, if he wears a helmet he must be either a hockey player or a racecar driver or...it doesn't really matter 'cause he is gorgeous! Love your posting. Can't imagine a speechless Swishy.

 
At 8:41 AM, Blogger kay said...

oh he is yummy! thanks for the pix! what a nice way to start my day!

 
At 9:40 AM, Blogger Melissa said...

Rawr...that guy is hot!! I think I'm adding DWTS back into the tivo!!

 
At 10:46 AM, Blogger flea said...

ok, i will admit i didn't know who he was, but I DO NOW! damn he is smoking, like David Beckham smokin. I will be watching this season of DWTS as well now

 
At 10:53 AM, Blogger Shauna said...

First, I gotta ask, YOU MET THIS GUY??!!! For real, in the flesh, face-to-face MET HIM?! 'Cause yeah, I can see the heavenly glow about him. And I may be a very happily married woman, but I agree. That man is one fine specimen of the male species. I've never been a big fan of Dancing With the Stars, but I just may have to check it out. Big Brother is turning out to be a bit of a dud, so I may get some extra hours in my week for star gazing. ;-)

 
At 11:11 AM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

Hee! The image of a speechless Swishy is priceless! As is the image of you reenacting that credit card commercial, calling VISA from the TV store to see how big an HD you can afford :)

 
At 11:12 AM, Blogger Golightly said...

hot damn that is some hotness!

 
At 11:19 AM, Blogger Beth said...

OMG!!! HE IS YUMMY!!!! AND YOU MET HIM???!!! ok, spill it...what do you do? i know you're around sports/football....SPILL IT!!!!

 
At 11:26 AM, Blogger LaskiGal said...

Oh geez . . . I don't think I could even say a word. More like drool in his presence! HOT!!!!


I have something for you
!

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

So THAT'S Jason Taylor! Yummy.

 
At 12:59 PM, Blogger Melek said...

what beautiful skin he has....

better that you were speechless than having said something like

"oh my, you're like sex on a stick...i mean, can i rub your head with baby oil..i mean, damn, did i say that out loud? i'm sorry. that was hugely inappropriate. am i fired now? no? good. then let me go get that baby oil."

 
At 2:15 PM, Blogger Tanya said...

I got a 57 inch.

just saying.

:)

 
At 3:50 PM, Blogger mylhibug said...

I would like to admit that people have mistaken me for Jason Taylor....

But I would be lying. Sorry. :)

You're gonna need some drool cups before the season starts, by the sound of it.

 
At 4:10 PM, Blogger Patti said...

everything is better on a stick...

 
At 5:44 PM, Blogger Melek said...

He's gonna be on Oprah tomorrow!!!! don't miss it

 
At 5:52 PM, Blogger cubmommy said...

Wow, he is really hot!!! I guess I will be watching DWTS this season and voting online.

 
At 9:23 PM, Blogger Sara Hantz said...

I've nevwr heard of him... but OMG he's HOT!!!!

 
At 9:14 AM, Anonymous Ree said...

Great. Must go find a new keyboard. Drool seeping into spacebar.

 
At 11:01 AM, Blogger JenKneeBee said...

Looks like I'll be watching Dancing with the Stars too!

 
At 7:05 PM, Anonymous dimples said...

so it was like the night we met? i miss my swisher sweets. i leave tomorrow..

 
At 9:48 PM, Blogger ALF said...

I concur - he's hot.

 
At 8:16 AM, Blogger Moanna said...

Ok, what's the story on dimples? We could use an update! And photos this time, huh? Happy Friday.

 
At 12:22 PM, Blogger Karen said...

I haven't thrown my support to anyone yet, so I'll try to extend your vieweing pleasure with my votes. :)

 
At 3:08 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Hey! Are you going to be live-blogging Sunday night??

 
At 3:08 PM, Blogger Barrie said...

Yes, go the big screen high def TV. You deserve it.

And you will be blogging about seeing Eileen next week, right? Please. :)

 
At 4:25 PM, Blogger Bina said...

"Mr. Sex on a stick" LMAO!

Oh my goodness. See, I'm speechless just looking at his picture. I'd probably faint in his prescence!

 
At 6:09 PM, Blogger Eileen said...

You are too funny. You had me laughing out loud. I never heard of him, but he is cute. Sex on a stick, that is a new one on me. SMILE.
I will watch now.
XOXOX

 
At 6:29 PM, Blogger AlaneM said...

Oh my I almost peed - you always give me a much needed laugh. Plus you have cute toes ;)

 
At 10:52 PM, Blogger Samara Leigh said...

I've never watched the show and no I didn't know who he was either. But the fact that he is apparently "Mr. Sex on a Stick" is reason enough to watch. LOL

 
At 3:31 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

Yes, I met Mr. Sex on a Stick, and not just in some hot, sweaty dream, either! Ha. He is hot times infinity. I caught the end of Oprah when he came on, and I was just like, ohhhh man.

What else ... I don't think I can live-blog the Oscars because of work! But we'll see. And of COURSE I will blog about Eileen! FUN TIMES!

 
At 1:37 AM, Anonymous kristabella said...

I'm really shocked he's on so close to the start of mini-camps and training camp. Other NFL stars, and other sports stars in general, were all retired.

Can you imagine how pissed the Dolphins will be if he like makes a wrong move in the Paso Doble and tears his ACL?

 

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