Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Crazy love

Did you know there's a very soon-to-be famous author in our midst? It's true. Her name is Eileen and she makes funny comments and has a funny blog and--ohhhh, yes--has an even funnier book called Unpredictable coming out next week. NEXT WEEK! How exciting is that?!

I will let our friend Amazon.com tell you a little bit about Unpredictable:

Sophie Kintock isn't crazy, she just wants her guy back. And posing as a psychic to give his new girlfriend a face reading designed to break them up isn't going overboard, is it? Don't answer that.

Faking psychic powers turns out to be easy and fun, especially after a few lessons from Nick, the cute (if a bit nerdy) skeptic, who knows all the tricks of the trade. But her readings do a lot more than she could have predicted, and soon Sophie needs to figure out whether the answers lie in the stars--or in herself.

To celebrate, I plan to go out with Eileen and Manic and Jess and see how close we can all come to getting arrested before one of the stops on Eileen's book tour. Wait. What I MEANT to say is that to celebrate, we're going to have ourselves a little contest. What's the craziest thing you've done in the name of love--or, at least, misguided, lustful obsession? Put it in the comments, and next Tuesday--book release day!--I'll announce the winner. The prize? A signed copy of the book and a Magic 8 ball, which, let's be honest here, is a pretty damn awesome prize.

OK, I'll start. I'll tell two stories, but before I tell them, I would just like to emphasize that they were both A VERY LONG TIME AGO. All right? All right.

Story 1. When I was in high school, there was a super hot guy named Mike that my best friend and I completely, totally lusted after. Every day after lunch, he would go to his locker, and we'd take turns walking past him and touching his butt. She got odd days, I got evens, and the hallway was always so crowded he never even noticed. I don't think.

OK, well, that year we were in this TV production class and made a show that aired on local cable. We were doing a holiday special, and we had to go out and get footage of local decorations. NATURALLY, we went straight to Mike's neighborhood, and, you know, I don't really remember whose idea this was (ha), but long story short, we were using the camera to try to zoom into Mike's bedroom window when all of a sudden a cop pulled up behind us. He was all, "Girls? Is there a problem?" And I was like, "Oh, no, officer, we're just doing a school project, and I had to get something out of the back seat, and I couldn't reach it without taking off my seat belt, and we didn't want to be driving around without seat belts, because, you know, we're really responsible, so we just pulled over and ..." He was like, yeah, OK, whatever, I'm gonna follow you out of the subdivision now, and the whole time my friend was COMPLETELY crapping her pants because she had just gotten her license and she had never been pulled over and her parents were SO going to kill her and never let her drive again, never ever, not even when she was 80.

That wasn't the worst part, though. Can I tell you the worst part? This was the worst part: While we were spying through Mike's bedroom window, we were talking nonstop to each other. Stuff like ... ohhhh ... "He is so hot, I wonder if he's a good kisser, he has the cutest butt ever." Stuff like that. Well, a few days later, we were in class, and we put the tape in to edit. Before we knew it, Mike's bedroom curtains came up on about 10 different TV screens across the room and all you could hear, on the highest volume possible, was the two of us squealing, "He seriously has THE hottest butt EVER!" In front of our entire class. Which, incidentally, completely blew our chances with a much more attainable hot guy who happened to be in the room. Sad!

OK, next story. So, when I was in college, I did this internship one summer and then came back the next summer as sort of a little boss of the new interns. I am proud to say I put that power, however flimsy and transparent, to use quite often, but in no better way than forcing one of the interns to call a boy I liked and conduct a pretend survey so that I could find out stuff about him.

Yeah. I totally did. I made her pretend to be from the national headquarters of a student society he was part of and give him a fake survey about what he was doing and where he wanted to get a job and so on. Isn't that a great idea?!? I've got to be honest, I was pretty proud of my ingenuity. I wrote up the questions for her and coached her through it and everything. I didn't really find anything out that I didn't already know, but I think it was more about being bored and wanting to see if we could pull it off than anything. Which, by the way, we SO did. We even used a NYC area code in case he checked the caller ID.

OK, umm ... I think I should stop talking now. I will just end by saying the first chapter of Eileen's book is here, and you can order it now here, and enter the contest by hitting that little comment button. Have a good Monday, everyone!


At 2:12 AM, Blogger Jules said...

OOoohhh, this is a good one. I don't know how 'crazy' this one is, but here goes. I was living in NYC and on a certain birthday I had an out-of-town friend in for a long weekend. We were walking around SoHo (where I worked) and passed a fire station. I have a thing for firemen... and as we walked by, we both noticed the hottie in uniform doing something around the fire truck. We decided to go back and ask if we could get a tour of the fire house, just as a kind of joke, to see what he'd say. The guy was hot, we couldn't resist.

To our surprise, he humored us and gave us an actual tour, and we even got to try on some of the gear. Did I mention he was hot? Then my friend mentioned that it was my birthday and he asked what our plans were.... long story short, he met us out later that night, along with a group of his co-workers, and there is nothing like being 2 women out with a group of firemen.

I ended up spending some 'quality time' with our fireman tour guide, which included some birthday spankings and a whole lot of making out. I can honestly tell you that to this day, when I go back to NYC to visit my friends there, I always look in the by the fire trucks to see if he's around. That whole night was hot. ;)

House of Jules

At 11:38 AM, Blogger Tanya said...

I have lived an uneventful life. I'll have to think back to see if I can remember any good crush stories. I'm sure I've got them. I think I just blocked them out of my mind.

At 12:10 PM, Blogger Monnik said...

i think i'm too boring... those are some great stories.

And I think eileen's book looks great!!

At 12:18 PM, Blogger Beth said...

wow...this is a good one Swish! Let's see, I've done SO MANY crazy stupid things for love...but this one stands out in my mind...

I was living with my Baby Daddy, and we lived in an apartment, in a building. so, he and his friend robbed a bar one night, which was right around the corner from where we lived. they WALKED to the bar and robbed it, carrying the stuff back to our apartment! They made a couple of trips. All this time, I'm sleeping away...so someone FINALLY notices what they are doing and calls the cops. He comes running home and jumps into bed with me, telling me to pretend to be asleep, the cops are banging on the door, yelling for us to "openup!"..they bust the door down and come into our bedroom, where we are in bed pretending to be asleep, and arrest both of us! I spent the night in jail for my boyfriend..who was such a loser to begin with. I mean, who robs a place ON FOOT?!!! Stupid, and I was stupid to go go along with it, and pretend to be asleep and then pretend to not know what the hell was going on.....oh, and I also set my mother's jerk of a boyfriend up to be robbed by that same boyfriend...he was a jerk and I ahted him. We got some good shit outa his house!!!

I have since matured...a little bit!!

At 12:23 PM, Blogger Melek said...

great story jules!! and you too swishy! my only story would be something like this (and it was a long time ago, so it's somewhat fuzzy around the edges). i was 18 i think...just graduated from high school. me and my friends E & S met three guys at the drug emporium parking lot (or maybe the mall...the two hangouts of choice). and the guy i met was super cute, hot bod, all that. he was 16 tho, which seemed incredibly young for my wise 18 years. we all hung out, made out, did whatever high-moraled high school kids did. then, come to find out that he WASN'T 16....he was THIRTEEN!!!! THIRTEEN! holy crap. that ended things pretty quickly.

so, i didnt really DO anything for 'love' but it's my only good story. so, there you go.

At 12:24 PM, Blogger Melek said...

and holy cow, Beth...crazy story!!

At 1:37 PM, Blogger Moanna said...

Ok, I was sixteen so maybe that's an excuse.

I had the hots for a guy that I worked with an hour or two after school. We'd talk and joke around but he'd never ask me out. So one Saturday, I called him at his house, his mom answered and had him come to the phone, and I said something so brilliant, even today I can't believe it: "Did you just call me?" I asked. Um, nooooo.

I still ache from the awfulness of it.

At 3:09 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

OK, I met this guy at a party and we were making out in a random room and I totally liked him and then the party was over and he got my phone number but then he didn't call me and I liked him, and I didn't have his number but I knew he worked at Jewel (grocery store), so I called the grocery store and asked for the manager. I asked the manager if I could speak to Whateverhisnamewas because I found his wallet and his work ID and needed to return his wallet to him. Is that not the queerest thing in the world? I pretended the dude LOST HIS WALLET in order to get him to call me!!!

Oh, and yeah, I've done worse, much worse, I just wish I could remember everything. There were some good times. yessireeee!

At 3:14 PM, Blogger kay said...

i just peed in my pants

i've done some things i can't post b/c they could come back and bite me in the you know where. but when i was in middle school i was in total love with adam coats and i was spending the night with a girl who lived down the street from him. we took some shaving cream and some toothpaste and i wrote i ♥ adam on the sidewalk in front of his house with those goodies. just so you know, those 2 things together harden and form a glue that doesn't come of with water. or nail polish remover. or acid rain. it just had to wear off over time. it's probably still there. i have no idea if he knew it was me.

At 3:57 PM, Blogger Eileen said...

Oh you guys are killing me! These are great stories. And educational- should I ever plan to rob a place I am going to be sure to have a get away car. Thanks so much for having me Swish!

At 4:26 PM, Anonymous www.ramble-on-rose.com said...

Love the stories, Here's mine,

So I was a 20 year old know it all, working a normal job, living in a apartment with 2 others and writing to a dude in Australia who came out to visit.... He invited me to Australia and would pay for the ticket (hey I was strugglin there) So I sold everything I owned, (including my car), quit my job and off to Oz I went.... with hardly any money, and moving in with his Nan and putting up with his family who Strongly dislike Americans, 14 years later and 3 kids later were still together and happy and I'm pleased I went "crazy" as my friends have said about the move...

At 5:37 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

I had a huge crush on this one guy and during one weekend of underage drinking sometime near Christmas, I drank enough fuzzy navels (so I could overcome shyness and win him over) to become sick all over him since I was in the backseat with him, me in the middle and somebody else on the otherside of me. They tried to stop the car and let me out but alas ..it wasn't meant to be.

At 6:12 PM, Blogger Patti said...

13th! hey...that should count for something, and if not does it make you wanna prize me because i'm grieving? (oh have mercy...i played the grieving card. straight to hell i tell ya...)

At 9:16 PM, Blogger mylhibug said...

I have no crazy stories, I'm just crazy. :-)

Which is why I tagged you, and now you should feel obligated to visit, right? Is that how this works? I guess I will find out.

Kind of makes me wish I had a nice butt. Is that all you girls ever think of? Sheesh! I feel almost violated. :-)

At 9:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh which crazy in love story to tell? Hmmm...either way I'm so getting this book, LOL at the 1st chapter. How fun.

My story goes way back to middle school when the guy I so knew was my prince charming didn't know I existed - so I wrote him these 'secret admirer' notes but I would hand deliver them to him and tell them 'my friend' was sending them through me (because I had no other way to get the notes to him) and at first it was going great b/c I'd write 2 notes a week, but then it got so out of hand and I was delivering notes to him at all different times in the day! I think I got up to about 3 notes a day - eeek. GET THIS: this went on for more than one school year. Until this girl asked me if I was the one writing him notes and of course I denied it and she had the nerve to call me out during lunch period in front of his whole crowd. I was so embarrassed. years passed and it came about that that same guy was in a class with me. Still smitten, you'll never believe what I did...YEP, wrote a note. Oh gosh the embarrassment!!

At 9:55 PM, Anonymous Liz said...

Not sure if this counts, but I used to have a redonkulous crush on Christian Slater. Well, my kind of cousin once dated Robin Tunney before she was in anything that mattered, right? Before the Craft, before anything. I found out that she was in some movie with Lara Flynn Boyle, so I totally wrote my sort of cousin a letter asking him to ask Robin to ask Lara, who was in Mobsters with Christian Slater, to come to my 12th birthday party. I still recall being rather sad that he never showed up. Christian owes me big time!

At 11:04 PM, Anonymous dimples said...

what?! you mean kristabella hasn't replied to this blog yet? she may win this bet hands down, or up, or around, or however she works it... 11 times over. in any case, i have done many a looney thang for gals of the night, but one that sticks out for me is a gal i met and what she did to kick it with me. we meet, in say, a city we shall call san luis, hit it off, share a "look" or 1,324,343. we go our separate ways without exchanging an email or number. i am quite bummed. but being the veteran stalker i am, i track said female down and decide to get "in touch" with her. well she decides to meet me a few weeks later and we have the most fantastic, fun, i didn't know people were that flexible weekend ever. and she is great. i've been in lerrrrve ever since but have not heard from her. i guess it wasn't meant to be. so i guess my story is that both her and i are both crazy enough to meet up and kick it with strangers, gotta love those strangers!

At 9:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh god...those are some funny stories.

I did my share of spying back in the day. What fun! But now we have the internet to do cyber lurking...not as fun as driving by the cute guys house though.

At 9:19 AM, Blogger LaskiGal said...

I knew I wasn't the only crazy person out there! Great stories . . . What fun!

OK, so here's my story. I was "in love" with this guy, we'll call his the "Italian Stallion," since I was 14. I did everything from stalk him (I was only 14, is it really that bad?), write him anonymous love notes (that sent him into the arms of another!), bake him stuff (My mom said the way to a man's heart was through his stomach--so, I baked), I even learned all about how to repair a moped (I feigned interest just to be near him).

Finally, my senior year of high school and my dream is about to come true. Italian agrees to take me to PROM! Music plays, birds sing, and the heavens open up. Prom tanked. But only a year or so later we met up at his b-day party. We laughed and talked about my silly little crush. Meanwhile, I was still plotting. But, my plot backfired as I was planning to corner the poor guy, I ran into a cute "Nerd" who cut me off at the pass. I watched Italian from afar as Nerd and I chatted about school and smart stuff. Years and years later, including over 10 years of marriage and a baby boy, NERD and I couldn't be happier!

At 12:23 PM, Blogger KATE said...

I am just loving reading everyones stories! Holy Cow!
I'm going to have to keep my stories to myself, too many to choose from & too many to get me into trouble! Whoa...

At 8:04 PM, Blogger XYZinn said...

I am dying right now. That story about your high school experience totally seems like something I would do!
And was it who I think it was who you were calling in college??? I can vaguely remember you telling me that. Was I there? How funny!!!

At 9:24 PM, Anonymous Ree said...

Um, hugging Mr. Hot while he was still married to the Ex-Mrs. Hot and sticking my tongue down his throat?

yes. I admit it. I was the other woman.

But they WERE separated.

At 3:18 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

You guys are KILLING ME!!!

And Beth! How could you not point out that your husband is a COP!!! HA!

At 11:06 AM, Blogger Patti said...

i so want to participate, but should boy ever get wind of what i did i/we would be mortified until the day i kick. it was 1) illegal and 2)extremely dangerous but 3) very satisfying.

the others are great to share. good luck all!

At 9:08 PM, Blogger Katie said...

I've heard that this book is incredibly funny, and I would really like to get a copy! (plus a magic 8 ball is definately one of the coolest prizes ever) so I would love to be entered into this contest!

The craziest thing that I have ever done for love is, well...I didn't call it stalking. But I would turn up at every corner he walked around and say somehting cool like, "hey there" and walk away. well, let's just say that he started walking in a different route!

no the most eventful story like some of these hillarious posts! But it's still pretty embarassing to look back on, especially since we're friends now! :)

thanks for the contest!


At 9:32 PM, Blogger Bianca Reagan said...

Wow, y'all were stalkeriffic. And I thought I was bad.


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