Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Monday, January 21, 2008

And they call women crazy ...

Happy Monday, everyone! My left shift key keeps sticking and is driving me absolutely batshit crazy. Other than that, a couple quick admininstrative details ...

* The winner of our nice prize is Kim! But if you commented on that post and want a little something in the mail, email me your address and I'll send it out (as soon as I get around to sending out a couple OTHER things I keep forgetting to send out).

* Good news, my baby is now out of jail. It would have been nice if he'd been out in time to save my lotion, but ... oh, well. I guess Jack Bauer can't save EVERYTHING.

OK, now a quick story:

A guy comes up to me. A much older guy. A GRANDFATHER. And he says, "Swishy, can I ask you a personal question?" I'm like, ummm ... OK. And he goes, "If I asked you out on a date, what would you say?"

OK. Really. What would YOU say? Keep in mind that you are caught COMPLETELY off guard because WHAT KIND OF GUY asks out a girl 30 years younger than him? I'll tell you what kind of guy: politicians, celebrities and millionaires. People with money or power. Of which this guy has neither.

This is what I said: "Well, you know, I'm really, really, really busy, and I go out of town a lot, so I'm not really around very much."

You would think that most guys would understand what that means. But as we've established, this guy is not like most guys. A few minutes later, he comes back.

"Swishy," he says, "will you be my Valentine?"

Will I be his WHAT? Am I in third grade? Isn't Valentine's Day like several weeks away?

And then he takes my hand and kisses it. But he doesn't stop there, oh, no, he doesn't. He starts MAKING OUT with my hand. Full-on, mwah, mwah, mwah, making out, and every time I move my hand away, he moves his head along with it. I should post a video reenactment because, for real, you would die. Thankfully--THANKFULLY--there was no tongue.

I am, however, still scrubbing my hands.

26 Comments:

At 5:37 PM, Blogger michelle said...

okay, i have to ask ... where did this happen!? a coffee shop? work? hand-kissers anonymous? was there booze involved? and will you now start carrying hand santizer in your purse in case you run into this odd, yet intriguing, man again? ;)

 
At 6:04 PM, Blogger Melissa said...

Oy, I'm with Michelle, where would this be seen as appropriate behavior, cuz I'm just not seeing this happening in your office. At least I hope I'm not...

You seem to attract some interesting people, Swishy!!

 
At 6:54 PM, Anonymous Ree said...

Ack! OMFG. Ack.

Yes, thankfully, no tongue.

 
At 6:55 PM, Blogger Bianca Reagan said...

Whoooa. Not cool at all. What a loser, dude.

 
At 7:26 PM, Blogger Sarah said...

EEEEWWWWW........old man mouth all over your hands! Good grief! His Valentine? If you hand out those nifty little cards with popular characters on them, be sure to get those that come with a little something special attached! I'm sure you could get one just for him with a special Viagra pill attached! ;) EEWWWWWW

 
At 8:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't know Sloan was a grandfather.

 
At 8:54 PM, Anonymous dimples said...

personally i hate the really really busy standard answer. i just recently got a new one popular among the females these days, she said, i have to get ready for the week. i guess she wasn't getting ready for me for that week, or the other 3 weeks of the month. oh well. luckily we have each other. woo!

 
At 11:23 PM, Blogger Moanna said...

Yuck.

Wait, are you sure he's not wealthy?? LOL

 
At 11:25 PM, Blogger Golightly said...

ew, ew, ew, ew! You and I are gonna have to fight over Keifer ;)

 
At 11:52 PM, Blogger Cecily R said...

EWWWWW! That just makes me a little queasy. Where do you find these weirdos?

I thought about you today when I read the article about you boyfriend's 48 day stay in the clink.

 
At 12:00 AM, Blogger Jules said...

AWKWARD! Is this about the old dude that was in the picture w/ you & Manic from a few months ago when you were out in Naperville? ;)
Jules
House of Jules

 
At 12:34 AM, Blogger Melek said...

ewwww...thanks for the sexual assault, Grandpa.

totally gross. and yeah, did this happen just like in your cube or what?

 
At 9:32 AM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

AGGHH! It seems like guys like that (the obnoxiously audacious ones of all ages) bank on the fact that you'll be too nice to give your honest reaction.

But this is why they invented the word NO.

It's also why they invented anti-bacterial soap :)

 
At 9:52 AM, Blogger Lainey-Paney said...

"Well, X, you are old enough to be my father. While others may be comfortable w/ that type of age difference, I am not."
...that's a nice way to tell him no....

ewww.
Does he have KIDS your age????

 
At 9:55 AM, Blogger Monnik said...

too bad you don't have your lotion to put on your hands after that much scrubbing. they've got to be dried out by now.

Weirdo... (the man, not you!)

 
At 10:52 AM, Blogger kay said...

I Choo-Choo-Choose You! Be My Valentine. (picture a cute little train being driven by a purple puppy, under neath this.)

 
At 10:55 AM, Blogger kay said...

oh and btw go give blood

 
At 11:11 AM, Blogger Tanya said...

Wow, that is creepy and gross. Especially cause he didn't stop at one kiss. I don't ever find hand kissing romantic, unless maybe it was your husband / boyfriend and even then.... its kind of weird.

 
At 11:13 AM, Blogger The Franchise said...

Wow um hey Swishy listen im sorry about what happened, but to be fair all you said was that you were "busy" I still thought I had a shot so I did what any normal man would do, aggresively make out with your hand. You didn't need to write a blog about it..jeez

 
At 11:56 AM, Blogger Eileen said...

You should tell him that if he persists this will be taken by the nursing home to be a sign of his advancing dementia as clearly he's losing touch with reality.

 
At 12:31 PM, Blogger Beth said...

Oh swish!!!!! that is GROSS!!!!!! Was this at work? Can you report him to someone? EEEWWWWWWW!

and I saw that Your Boy was free once again, so I knew you would be happy! I bought my husband the dvd's of that show for Christmas...now he wants to BE Jack Bauer!!!!!

 
At 2:36 PM, Blogger Johnny B said...

Wait a second....So women DON'T like this?? There goes my entire plan for picking up ladies when I get elderly......

 
At 8:08 PM, Blogger Midwest Gent said...

I had to reread the story a few times. I was very sure I missed or skipped something. like the punch line.

 
At 11:34 PM, Blogger kim said...

!!!:o)!!!

happy.

And, uh -- dirty. old. man.

 
At 11:19 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

OK, what I want to know is was he like Old Old, like the guy from the bar with the shirt on that said Drink until I look good? Like that old? Ewwww.

Your hand probably has an STD now.

I'd say Happy VD for sure!

 
At 12:04 PM, Blogger Andie said...

eew gross.

 

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