Karma bites Swishy on her sweet ass
I never call in sick. Ever, ever, ever, EVER. But I was soooo tempted yesterday, so I could watch the Oscars. I usually take a vacation day for them, but I didn't this year, and I was totally regretting it. I was like, no, I can't call in sick. Yes, I can. No, I can't. Yes, I can. No, I ca--I can! And I'm gonna! Before I change my mind again! I didn't have too much to do, so I figured the guilt would be manageable. And I really NEVER call in sick.
(OK, I feel SO scandalous right now, admitting that I called in sick to watch the Oscars. SO SCANDALOUS! You have no idea. I almost want to delete it and write a blog about something else. Ahhhh.)
Anyway, this is where that bitch karma comes in. Literally--LITERALLY--less than a minute after I called in, my vision started getting blurry. I was trying to type an email and the letters started mixing all together, and I was like, ohhhhhhh, shit. Because I know EXACTLY what kind of blurry that is. It's not the kind of blurry you get before you put your contacts in or when you accidentally get something in your eye. It's the kind of blurry you get when a migraine--a freaking MIGRAINE!--is thundering into town. Twenty minutes later, I was in bed with my head buried under the blankets, my eyes squeezed shut and the shades all closed to make the room dark, while I listened to the Law & Order: SVU marathon on volume three for three hours. It downgraded to a headache by the time the Oscars started, but didn't fully go away until--you guessed it--approximately the second the show ended.
I am seriously not making this up. This kind of thing only happens to me, I swear.
Anyway, I thought the Oscars were TOTALLY random. There were major pacing issues, and I didn't think Ellen was very funny. Definitely not as funny as I hoped she would be. Reese Witherspoon was the only one I thought looked drop-dead gorgeous. Oh, Jessica Biel looked pretty good, too, but that's it. Jennifer Hudson? Hated the bat wings (that, thankfully, she took off before the show started). Penelope Cruz? The bottom of her dress looked like a '70s shag carpet. Nicole Kidman? Horrible red bow. And I think Leo DiCaprio is hot, hot, hot, but I was NOT down with the slicked-back hair. I was pretty happy Alan Arkin won. I guess that's it.
In other news, I am staring down a big, nasty bug on my window blinds right now. It's HUGE and it's GROSS and I can't decide how to kill it. It's like Shootout at the Swishy Corral. Neither of us has moved. We're just staring at each other from across the room. This is so not going to end well.