Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Where the HELL is my chiffon?

I've realized something the past week or so, which is: I don't care how many times I've seen an episode of Project Runway, I can always, always watch it again. Bravo has tested me, oh how it has tested me, running marathon after marathon after marathon of the same episodes over and over. And I am such a sucker for the catty comments and the make it works and Heidi's lilting pronunciation of "Neeena Gahcia" that I fall for it EVERY SINGLE TIME.

In honor of the LONG-AWAITED, MUCH ANTICIPATED season premiere tonight, I give you a few lessons learned from hours of watching Project Runway:

* Gay men can call each other "baby" with absolutely no sexual connotation whatsoever. (See: Nick, Andrae and Daniel V. from Season 2.)

* Whereas straight men can be completely turned on by an otherwise ordinary outfit. (See: Vincent "It gets me off" Libretti from Season 3.)

* Gay men also, apparently, like to dine at Red Lobster. (See: the cutest imaginary couple ever, Andrae and Tim Gunn.)

* Tim Gunn is about a million kinds of awesome. No one can get away with the snark like he can. I totally forgot about him calling one of the models an elongated marshmallow! AND he said she had Gumby legs!

* Finally (of course): Don't bore Nina.

And a few of my favorite all-time lines (other than, naturally, the subject line):

* I grinned myself a headache. (Michael)

* I hate everything associated with her. I hate her mother. I hate her father. I hate her house and her car. I hate the toilet she has and the plastic furniture in the back yard. I hate her. (Jay)

* Designers! Designers, look out for Andrae. He's our little lamb. (Santino, impersonating Tim Gunn)

* I'm not trying to be Captain Save-a-Ho. (Michael)

* If you get us cut, Daniel, I'm going to snip your pee pee off. (Kara)

* She looks like Barefoot Appalachain Lil' Abner Barbie. (Michael Kors)

* I even made a WHITE girl look like she had some ass. THAT'S how damn sexy my dress is. (Michael ... white girls with ass thank you, Michael)

* Tim: I'm not sure about this jacket. There's something about it that's a little too ... precious.
Daniel: That's the idea. You put it on, it says, "I'm not going home with you." But you take it off, and it says--
Tim: "I just might."
Daniel: "I might let you buy me a drink."

And my absolute favorite, just because of the look on his face:

It's a mother(bleeping) walkoff! (Daniel)

The best Project Runway moments ever are Santino's impersonations of Andrae and Tim Gunn at the Red Lobster, which had me CRYING I was laughing so hard, but apparently RED LOBSTER doesn't think it's funny, because those clips have all been taken down. So we'll have to settle for this:

Happy Wednesday!


At 5:40 PM, Blogger Secretmom said...

I can't wait for tonight! Thanks for the preshow warm up!

At 7:01 PM, Blogger michelle said...

love, love, love project runway ... love! santino's tim gunn impersonation and teh red lobster thing always makes me laugh until i cry ... "where's andré?" if (god forbid!) tim ever left, they could give santino a makeover and bring him in as a comical replacement!

At 7:33 PM, Blogger Beth said...

I just LOVE Michael!!! when he said he gave a white girl some ass, I almost died! And then there is White Trash Kayne..LOVE him! And I have so overdosed on runway too, these lat few days....it's been on FOREVER!!! I started this morning and it's been on all. day. long.

Make it work

I am SOOOO excited for tonite! I hope it lives up to my expectations!!

At 7:42 PM, Blogger Chrissy said...

Love me some Project Runway! Haha, you have some great moments there!

At 11:14 PM, Blogger Stephanie said...

As much as I hated Santino I loved his Tim Gunn impersonation. HILARIOUS!

My fave was Michael and his Captain Save-A-ho! Very excited to watch.

At 8:09 AM, Blogger Sherry said...

I have never watched this program but from what I've just read here, I think I have been missing out on something!!!

At 8:55 AM, Blogger kay said...

it was a great show last night. i love seeing all the new designers. and boy some of them are weird! but that is what makes it such a great show.

and are there ANY straight men that design clothes? just wondering.


At 9:32 AM, Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

I loved Santino's impressions.

An old friend of mine is actully on PR this season. Gosh, I love that show!

At 10:54 AM, Blogger Patti said...

i have never seen this show, but may have to now...since i now have cable and all...

At 12:46 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

I'm not sure how I feel about this season yet! I think so far my favorite is the Jay sorta-lookalike, Chris March. His dress was gorgeous. Some of them are a little weird for me ... Elisa? Rubbing your silk in the grass? Really? And the dude who's a celebrity in his own mind (Christian?) could be annoying or funny, can't tell yet.

At 12:55 PM, Blogger Beth said...

I LOVED the show last night!! It's all I talked about last night...I even had the guys in my house on pins and needles! HA!

So, I like the Chris dude too, he was funny...and the woman who did the grass stains? HUH? Her dress was a MESS!!! YUK! And christian? Loved him...he's so catty! And I think Rami will win the whole thing! His dress was beautiful...but then that gay guy, Rick?..he was pretty hot too....oooh, I love this show!

I SO need to get a life! I was THISCLOSE to getting on here last night to talk to you about the show!

At 1:46 PM, Blogger Monnik said...

darnit - i meant to tivo this. any ideas when the rerun for last night is on?

i've never seen project runway but decided that it needs to be my new thing.

At 1:51 PM, Blogger Andrea said...

I saw maybe one episode of this show, but I just haven't had time to watch TV much with a 10-month-old and no Tivo. Thanks for hitting the hightlights!

(secret confession: I LOVE gay men! I've always had at least one in my BBF category for at least the last 12 years.)

At 5:49 PM, Blogger Cecily R said...

I just started watching PR last season and I feel left out of some of the quotes. But the Michael quotes from last year are unmistakable!

For anone who hasn't seen it. Try it. It's addicting. Maybe not as addicting as it is for Swishy, but addicting.

At 11:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so very very happy the show and Heidi are back! Love it

At 12:51 AM, Blogger Barrie said...

I think I'm going to have to watch this show!

At 2:12 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

OK, I just have to say that my friend made the BEST observation EVER! Rami, the winning designer? TOTALLY Right Said Fred!

At 10:09 PM, Blogger Trish said...

I love Project Runway. I love the new season. I love that they ran marathons of all the old seasons for weeks beforehand. I've even learned to love Santino (but not, alas, the guy with the tatoos on his neck who won last season...he's still creepy).

Yay for designers who care about white girls with ass!

At 9:43 PM, Blogger Bianca Reagan said...

Maybe I should watch Project Runway. Most of my shows are going or gone already.

At 10:12 AM, Anonymous a happier girl said...

Very nice Project Runway analysis! I'm currently loving Christian this season. I want him to be my new best friend. And I find myself strangely attracted to Rami even though he seems like he might be a little full of himself and he'd annoy me in real life.


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