Where the HELL is my chiffon?
I've realized something the past week or so, which is: I don't care how many times I've seen an episode of Project Runway, I can always, always watch it again. Bravo has tested me, oh how it has tested me, running marathon after marathon after marathon of the same episodes over and over. And I am such a sucker for the catty comments and the make it works and Heidi's lilting pronunciation of "Neeena Gahcia" that I fall for it EVERY SINGLE TIME.
In honor of the LONG-AWAITED, MUCH ANTICIPATED season premiere tonight, I give you a few lessons learned from hours of watching Project Runway:
* Gay men can call each other "baby" with absolutely no sexual connotation whatsoever. (See: Nick, Andrae and Daniel V. from Season 2.)
* Whereas straight men can be completely turned on by an otherwise ordinary outfit. (See: Vincent "It gets me off" Libretti from Season 3.)
* Gay men also, apparently, like to dine at Red Lobster. (See: the cutest imaginary couple ever, Andrae and Tim Gunn.)
* Tim Gunn is about a million kinds of awesome. No one can get away with the snark like he can. I totally forgot about him calling one of the models an elongated marshmallow! AND he said she had Gumby legs!
* Finally (of course): Don't bore Nina.
And a few of my favorite all-time lines (other than, naturally, the subject line):
* I grinned myself a headache. (Michael)
* I hate everything associated with her. I hate her mother. I hate her father. I hate her house and her car. I hate the toilet she has and the plastic furniture in the back yard. I hate her. (Jay)
* Designers! Designers, look out for Andrae. He's our little lamb. (Santino, impersonating Tim Gunn)
* I'm not trying to be Captain Save-a-Ho. (Michael)
* If you get us cut, Daniel, I'm going to snip your pee pee off. (Kara)
* She looks like Barefoot Appalachain Lil' Abner Barbie. (Michael Kors)
* I even made a WHITE girl look like she had some ass. THAT'S how damn sexy my dress is. (Michael ... white girls with ass thank you, Michael)
* Tim: I'm not sure about this jacket. There's something about it that's a little too ... precious.
Daniel: That's the idea. You put it on, it says, "I'm not going home with you." But you take it off, and it says--
Tim: "I just might."
Daniel: "I might let you buy me a drink."
And my absolute favorite, just because of the look on his face:
It's a mother(bleeping) walkoff! (Daniel)
The best Project Runway moments ever are Santino's impersonations of Andrae and Tim Gunn at the Red Lobster, which had me CRYING I was laughing so hard, but apparently RED LOBSTER doesn't think it's funny, because those clips have all been taken down. So we'll have to settle for this: