Scenes from Thanksgiving
On the shuttle at the airport:
Woman next to me: I cannot believe much luggage I have. We're going to New Zealand for seven days, and then Fiji for seven days so ... it's a lot of stuff.
Woman across from me: You're going to New Zealand? I'm from New Zealand!
WNTM: No way! Are you going there now?
WAFM: Oh, no. I'm going to Maui.
Me: Yeah, well, I'M going to Michigan, so ...
Conversation at Thanksgiving dinner:
Mom: Who is this Tila Tequila, anyway?
Me: She has, like, the most friends on MySpace or something.
Mom: She has a dating show on MTV. A BISEXUAL one.
Me: Yeah, I know. I don't watch it, though.
Mom: FRIENDS. (Harrumphs.) So friends, huh? That's what they're calling it now?
Me: Mom, it's just the word they use. Saying someone has a lot of friends doesn't mean anything.
Mom: I don't know about that.
Me: Like, if I friend Danny (my brother) on Facebook, it doesn't mean it's sexual.
Brother: Get up, I'm going to Best Buy.
Me, shoving my face deeper into the pillows: I just went to sleep, like, 15 minutes ago.
Brother: Shut up. It's already 6:30. I waited, like, a whole hour just so you wouldn't whine about it.
Me (muffled): I can't move.
Brother: Get up.
Me: Five more minutes. Give me five more minutes.
(Five minutes later.)
Brother: It's been five minutes.
Me: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm tiiiiiiiiiiiiired.
Brother: You are SUCH a baby.
Me: But I'm waaaaaaarm. It's cooooooold outside.
Brother: GET UP.
(Five minutes later.)
Brother: Why aren't you up yet?
Me: I can't do it. I don't even know where I am right now. I'm delusional. I can't shop while I'm delusional.
Brother: You are so pathetic.
I'm at the airport, coming back home. I sit on the floor near my gate, look up and ... oh, my gosh, is that Matt Saracen? It totally looks like Matt Saracen. I LOVE MATT SARACEN! (Matt Saracen = just the cutest piece of jailbait ever on Friday Night Lights.)
All right, you know what that means (if you don't, just ask my friend the CIA operative). I sneak my camera out of my bag and surreptitiously position it so Matt Saracen can't tell I'm about to take his picture from across the terminal. And then I capture the moment for posterity.
All right, I can't help myself, I have to rant a little. Despite not being a super-patient person in general, I am a very patient traveler in many ways. I don't mind layovers and I don't mind delays, and I don't even mind getting stranded overnight as long as I don't have to sleep on a hard, nasty floor. What I do mind, however, are people who act like they have never seen the inside of an airport before (kind of like the people who look at ATMs they're like something from another planet). Like, really? You're surprised you have to take off your shoes? You're surprised you can't waltz through the metal detector, laptop in hand, with your cell phone, keys and wallet chain dangling out of your pocket?
Also, I know this may not be a popular opinion, but it is REALLY worth reclining your seat the extra two inches if someone's sitting behind you? Someone who's TRYING TO USE A LAPTOP? And finally, I need someone to explain to me why a person would voluntarily choose to sit in a middle seat between two people instead of walking back a few more feet to any one of the several empty rows in the middle of the plane. Is it about being in the front of the plane? Because I don't get what's so exciting about that. I'm not on the Amazing Race. It's not going to get my bags on the carousel any sooner, it's not going to get me my peanuts and Dr Pepper any faster. So ... why? What am I missing? Someone? Anyone?
Matt Saracen just got on the ... oh. Oh. False alarm. It's not really Matt Saracen.
The guy getting on the plane behind me starts whistling the Gilligan's Island theme song. Forgive me for my limited knowledge of '60s sitcoms, but didn't they, you know, CRASH ON A DESERT ISLAND on that show? Like a ha-ha funny version of Lost, minus the plane and the mysterious monster and the Others? Just WHAT is he trying to say?
Girl behind me: Southwest just, like, totally took our word for it that our bags weren't overweight.
Boy behind me: Yeah, Southwest is cool like that.
We are SO going to crash.