Hi, everyone! So. You know those books full of questions you can ask people at a party or on a road trip or something? Questions like, "What food best describes your personality?" I love those books. I decided last night that I would pick a question and answer it today on my blog. And since I am the queen of indecision, I had my friend pick a page number for me (he picked 112). Easy, right?
Right. Of course I would get this question: "If you had to secretly dispose of a dead body, how would you do it?"
Well, I learned on Friday Night Lights and Dexter that it is bad to dispose of dead bodies in the water, because they will ALWAYS be found. And you should never put a body in the trunk or backseat of your car, because the fibers will get trapped in the victim's zipper and then your cop dad will have to torch the car in a quarry somewhere to destroy the evidence. And if you hide a body in the basement or under the floorboards, it will slowly turn you insane. (Thank you, Edgar Allan Poe.)
I'm officially stumped, so I turn to my friend Google for advice. If you never listen to one thing I say, listen to this: Do NOT do a Google search on how to get rid of a dead body! Unless, of course, you want to be completely freaked out. Or if you want to never see the words lasagna, dog food, butcher, incinerator or carpet beetles the same way again.
Google did give me one good suggestion, though: Hide the body in the morgue. It's genius! Slap a tag on the toe, and no one will ever know it doesn't belong there!
Unless you've got something better ...