Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson

They have this saying in journalism about burying the lead. So in the interest of not burying the lead, I give you this:

(There used to be a photo here ... now, you're gonna have to use your imagination. OK? OK.)

So! What a weekend. On Friday night, I went to a Jimmy Eat World concert, which was SO fun. I love Jimmy Eat World (no matter WHAT you say, F). They played 23, which I LOVE, and Sweetness and a gorgeous version of Hear You Me, and basically every song I wanted them to except for Kill. (Which I LOVE love!)

And then Saturday ... oh, Saturday. If you haven't figured it out yet, I was with my lovely BBFF Manic and our friend Jess (whose book comes out in May! Buy it!). The hijinks always ensue when we get together, oh, do they ever. You know when you start talking over dinner about lap dances and what goes on in certain New York City alleys that it's gonna be a night for the books (or blogs).

So: movie (Lars and the Real Girl). Dinner. Then upstairs to a bar where a band named ED was playing. (My guess? It stood for Erectile Dysfunction.) ED, supposedly, was a bunch of doctors moonlighting as musicians, but I think only one of them turned out to be a doctor. I think the rest of them just liked to PLAY doctor. After determining which of the guys on stage was the most you-know-whattable (I actually think the lone girl in the group got a few votes, which should tell you what we were working with there), we decided to go downstairs to a different bar. And it was perfect timing, because just then, the fabulous Kristabella and her equally fabulous friend Darcie showed up. Unfortunately, I didn't get to talk to Kristabella as much as I would have liked, because I was a little distracted ...

(I know I'm being a little bit of a tease, but we'll get back to that picture in a second, I promise!)

So. We go downstairs and get some drinks and all of a sudden, this old man blows into the bar. He's waving neon glow sticks through the air and grinding up on a bunch of girls who are seriously young enough to be his granddaughter. And THEN he rips open his shirt and ... ta-da! A t-shirt underneath that says DRINK TIL YOU WANT ME. We grab him for a picture, he grinds up against a few more girls, and then he runs out. I seriously think it was truth or dare night at the nursing home, and he picked dare. It was HILARIOUS.



So we're laughing and talking, and then a few guys walk past us on their way to the bathroom. They look at us, we look at them. And then a minute or two later, one of the guys is standing next to me and saying in my ear: "Look, I know I'm only 22 years old, but I just have to tell you you're the hottest girl in this whole bar."

Ohhhhhh, boy. Are we in trouble.

Me: "You're a little charmer, you know that?"
Him: "I'm not. I'm a really shy guy, I never do this, but I had to tell you."
Me: "Oh, you are SUCH a liar."
Him: "You are, though. You're so hot. You think you could handle a 22-year-old?"
Me: "Can I handle you? I think the question is, could you handle me?"
Him: "Oh, yeah. Yeah. I've got a lot of energy."

Needless to say, we found our new friends for the night.

So a couple hours later, it's down to me, Jess, Manic and two of our new friends, who I'll call F and J (the 22-year-old charmer). And holy shit, was it one of the funniest conversations of my entire life. Those boys were sharp. And FUNNY.

On sex:
F: "I like to pretend that I'm sick, and the girl has to figure out what's wrong with me and then cure it. I'm totally into role play."
J: "I like to pretend that I'm a refugee and she's the U.N."

On the pros of a younger man:
F: "We're spry." (Spry was a big theme of the night. And yes, they were spry. Very.)
J: "Here's the difference. An older guy comes home, he asks, 'What's for dinner?' We come home, and we're like, 'All right, where are we going?'"

I wish I could remember everything we talked about, because it was SO funny. Showers, feathers, spring break trips, a little truth or dare ... that picture? That's J. In his boxers. At 3:45 in the morning.

We did catch them in a fib or two (or 10), because as experienced older women we know that all guys lie a little at bars (six sisters? nice touch, J). But remember, F, what we were talking about later that night? And what you said? You're right, there will be. By all three of us.

So here's to you, cute college boys. Until next time, whether it's in New York or Chicago or Stroudsburg, Pa. Whichever city you pick that day.

36 Comments:

At 5:53 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

OK, before I even read the post, I just had to come over and comment because I KNEW the title would be enough to crack me up! I just got through performing a "FPC" and if you think hard enough Swish, I know YOU'LL figure that one out, and now I'm going back to read the post. I seriously woke up and it feels like Xmas... like, Ooh, I can't wait to read what Swish has to say...

Although I was thinking of an alternative title... "Jimmy may have eaten world on Friday night... but Swishy on Saturday... Well, THAT'S ANOTHER STORY!"

And tell me, Swish, Jess, Kristabella, Darcie, Jx and Frd, you are not laughing HYSTERICALLY at THAT!... cuz THAT is HOW I ROLL!

Be back in a minute with real commentary...

 
At 5:55 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

Decided to "Live Comment"... How Ironic that they played "23" which was practically, almost, but not quite the age of the younguns...

 
At 5:57 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

PLAY doctor! I forgot about that!!! Wasn't one of them a PROCTOLOGIST!?!?!? That Tom Petty looking one?!!?

 
At 6:03 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

I wish I didn't have a house full of Thanksgiving guests because I am busting out at this:

He's waving neon glow sticks through the air and grinding up on a bunch of girls.

 
At 6:05 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

I am laughing SO HARD I may throw up...

AND I WAS THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
At 6:06 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

But remember, F, what we were talking about later that night? And what you said? You're right, there will be. By all three of us.

Fred: I already did.

 
At 6:30 AM, Blogger kay said...

oh yum! thanks for that at 6:30am!!

you girls are BAD!! wish i could have been there too!! :)

 
At 9:32 AM, Blogger Melek said...

sounds like a GREAT night. the young ones are always the most fun.

What i'm curious about s why he gave you a photo of himself in boxers and how he took it from behind...unless....wait...maybe SWISHY TOOK IT HERSELF!! *gasp!* :)

you go girls. sounds like a wild night out.

and i LOVE the 'drink until you want me' shirt! hahahaha...

 
At 9:47 AM, Blogger cubmommy said...

Now how did it come about that Swishy takes that photo of a guy in his boxers at 3:45am? Very curious.

Sorry I missed out on all the fun. I really wished I could have made. Sorry I missed you!

 
At 10:14 AM, Blogger Monnik said...

Dude - you are totally rocking the cougar angle there! Nice!!

That picture of you hotties with the old guy is priceless. Sounds like a blast!!

 
At 10:26 AM, Blogger Patti said...

man, that second pic is funny christmas card material...

 
At 10:27 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

YOU ALREADY DID!!!!!! HA HA HA HA.

And of course I took the picture!

 
At 12:19 PM, Blogger Tanya said...

Wow, that was a crazy night on the town.

That picture with old guy is priceless.

 
At 1:00 PM, Blogger Jess Riley said...

Oh my GOD, I forgot about those conversations! I am dying here. Great recap--and I miss you and Manic already! You guys are the best. I can't wait until we get together again.

 
At 1:21 PM, Blogger Moanna said...

With the photo you've provided, we all probably COULD. hahahaha

Not that I have any idea what you guys were talking about.

 
At 2:12 PM, Blogger Andrea said...

Ack! I showed up too late to see the first picture!

What a riot! I, too, am curious to how you ended up taking a boxer pic at 3:45 AM...

 
At 3:28 PM, Blogger Andie said...

ahem. please elaborate on the 3:45 boxer shot. LOL

and wow. I wish I would have cute 22 year old dudes hitting on me every now and again.

Instead, I have the old man in the bar with glow sticks wearing a "drink until you want me" shirt hitting on me. LOL

Looks like a blast!!! You guys crack me up!

 
At 4:19 PM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

Between the college dudes and the guy with the glow sticks, you guys had quite the multi-generational evening! Please, please, please come to the east coast. Winters get long and dull here and you ladies are hysterical :)

 
At 4:34 PM, Anonymous kristabella said...

OMG, this was HILARIOUS!

For the 100th time, I can't believe I missed out on some of this!

You guys are so much fun! I can't wait until we do it again!

And now if I see you this weekend Swish, anything we do will pale in comparison! HA! :)

 
At 4:59 PM, Blogger Rob said...

Well, was he really spry or just yet another lying bastard of a man? ;)

 
At 9:36 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY SUCKERED YOU INTO TAKING DOWN THE PHOTO!!!

THOSE DUDES ARE SOOOOO SPRY!!!

WE LOVED THEM!

THEY WERE SOOO FUN!

AND YES, I WAS OFFICIALLY REALLY AND TRULY OLD ENOUGH TO BE THEIR MOM, AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH BOTH OF THEM IF I WASN'T AN OLD BAG!

 
At 9:42 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

Manic is lying, she is not!

And yes, they were definitely spry. Ha!

 
At 10:17 AM, Blogger kim said...

koo koo ka choo.

Ya'll look fabulous in that pic.

 
At 11:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

swish you are so hot!!!!!!

 
At 12:42 PM, Blogger Melissa said...

Sheesh, you even get pick up lines on your blog, Swishy. I want to be you when I grow up.

 
At 6:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please, can we get a part two to that story, its classic, i need more!

 
At 2:22 AM, Blogger Barrie said...

Very, very funny!! I think it would be fair game to put the first pic up for, like, 24 hours. Sort of a Thanksgiving gift to those of us who missed it! :)

 
At 8:42 AM, Blogger cubmommy said...

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

 
At 9:52 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

I sooo need to do a part two! There is so much I left out ... what a fun, fun night. It WAS a great picture--we'll have to see what we can do :)

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

 
At 12:16 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

BWAHAHAHAHA!!! That is so funny!!

I love the t-shirt.

And if you guys land in Stroudsburg let me know. I'll tag along with the camera. :o)

 
At 10:58 PM, Blogger secretmom said...

okay, i'm confused...or just stupid. why and more importnatly WHERE was he in his boxers at 3:45 a.m.?

 
At 12:34 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

Now, let's consider things, shall we? Because these young men were in LAW school, we are in ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NO POSITION to reveal where and why he was in his boxers at 3:45 a.m.

 
At 2:34 PM, Blogger Beth said...

Swish...here's my e-mail

frankie-joe@hotmail.com

I tried to e-mail you but "They" wouldn't let me....whoever "they" are.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

 
At 5:40 PM, Blogger XYZinn said...

OMG! You HAVE to call me! Now I am dying to see the picture!

 
At 1:27 AM, Blogger Bianca Reagan said...

I need some spry college guys to pick me up. Of course, 22-year-olds are only four years younger than I am. But why would I bother with anyone younger than that?

 
At 7:44 AM, Blogger Karen said...

OK, so fun! Who knew that three of my fave bloggers were together in one night. (Well, sure, you knew, but that doesn't count.)

I can't imagine how much fun you three had. Thanks for sharing the stories.

Hope Thanksgiving was great as well.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home