Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Monday, October 29, 2007

This is getting ridiculous

So I got pulled over again Saturday night. AGAIN! This is ... what? Three times in the past six months? WTF? I am a TOTALLY GOOD DRIVER!

OK. Maybe not totally good. But DEFINITELY not totally bad!

So I'm on the phone with my mother of all people, and I see my favorite red and blue flashing lights in my back window, the lights that seem to follow me everywhere I go. "Shit," I say.

Mom: EXCUSE ME? What did you say?
Me: Shit. I'm getting pulled over. (Pause.) DAMMIT! I cannot believe I am getting pulled over right now!
Mom: What did you do?
Me: I killed someone. The body's in the trunk.
Mom: Are you kidding?
Me: About the dead body? No. Listen, I gotta go.
Mom: But--
Me: I didn't do ANYTHING! Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go. I'll call you back.

I flip the phone shut and, to my utter surprise, a HOT cop strolls up to my window. I actually got a hot cop this time! The last three were grumpy, middle-aged men with limps, cops who couldn't take down a senior citizen in a wheelchair if their lives depended on it. This one looks like he has plenty of energy, if you know what I mean. He is yummmmmmy.

Officer: Did you know you ran a red light?
Me (batting my big green eyes): Really? I did?
Officer: You didn't know that?
Me: Well ... I thought it was yellow!

He checks my insurance and takes my license back to his car, and the second he walks away I'm like crap, crap, CRAP! Why did I say it was a yellow light? I admitted to speeding through a yellow/almost red light! You're supposed to slow DOWN at yellow lights! I totally just admitted to breaking the law! WHY AM I AN IDIOT?

He's still in the car, so I text message my mom: "I AM NOT A CRIMINAL!"

He's STILL in the car. If I have learned anything from my frequent brushes with the law, it's that if the cop takes longer than five seconds, it means you're getting a ticket. So imagine my surprise when he comes back, leans his delicious head through the window and goes: "All right, you have a great driving record, so I'm going to let you go with a warning. No more running red lights!"

Me: Wha--oh! Really? Thank you so much! Seriously! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! Have a great night! Thank you!

And then I speed off--exercising liberal use of my blinker, of course--before he can change his mind. Or realize that the address on my license hasn't been updated since I moved, oh, 16 months ago. Oops.


At 7:15 PM, Blogger Beth said...


I know another "hot cop" but I hear he's married to some really hot, older woman, who keeps him very busy in the bedroom...YA RIGHT!! ;)

Swish..you gotta stop talking on your phone and PAY ATTENTION while you're driving! ;)

At 8:38 PM, Blogger Eileen said...

Clearly chatting on the phone with mom is too distracting. : ) I think having a cute cop makes the whole process much better.

At 9:40 PM, Blogger Secretmom said...

did you get his name? Maybe you could send him a thank you note or cookies or something :)

At 9:51 PM, Blogger Moanna said...

You'd better update your address so the next hot cop will know where to find you...not that there will be another cop stopping you any time soon. :)

At 10:58 PM, Blogger Stephanie said...

I think you could write a whole book about people you see in coffee shops and getting pulled over by the police. Too funny!

At 11:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

damn - you're a cop magnet! LUCKY you, once I fell for it when a cop asked me my address and I told him - the one I had on my license was hella old and I had no idea until that day that you have 30 days to update it. SHEESH.
At least he was a yummy cop ;)

At 12:54 AM, Blogger icanseeclearlynow said...

"i am a totally good driver!" hah! obviously NOT young lady. the LAW is the LAW! *giggle*

swishy, you are one FUNNY chick!



At 8:25 AM, Blogger kay said...

green eyes rock!!

At 8:57 AM, Blogger Monnik said...

I agree with Beth - quit yappering on the phone while you're driving. :D

I never get hot cops. Not that I'm experienced with getting pulled over or anything.

At 9:26 AM, Blogger Melek said...

the first, and only time, i ever got pulled over was for going 43 in a 35. and i was only doing that bc we'd been robbed the day before and i was frazzled and on my way to the insurance company. i tried using my sob story (while sobbing, mind you) but it totally didnt work on the old, fat, slow, red-necked cop who stopped me. and i had a PERFECT driving record. but nope. got a ticket. i must not have the swishy charm.

At 12:19 PM, Blogger Patti said...

i was once pulled over with boy in the truck (he was about 5) and when the officer asked me if i knew what i did i said, "yes sir, i ran right thru that stop sign. i'm so sorry." (just so youknow that i would never endanger boy, it was on a rural road with no other traffic.)

he looked surprised that i fessed up and then he leaned to look into the cap where boy and 3 of boy's stuffed animals where all buckled in, and he laughed and let me off.

he told boy what a good mommy i was by making them all buckle up. boy was happy that we had been stopped and upon arriving home immediately told husband!

my cop was hot too...

At 12:31 PM, Blogger Sherry said...

It's lovely when they just issue a warning...and of course I know you've spent this morning updating the address on the license ....

At 2:11 PM, Blogger Andrea said...

Lucky, lucky Swish!

You totally should have gotten his phone number, though, or at least looked for a wedding band!

At 2:25 PM, Blogger Angela WD said...

Swishy, there was part of that transaction that was missing! The part where you move from ticket-related discussion to dinner-related conversation.

Was there a wedding ring?

At 2:38 PM, Blogger Rob said...

Lucky you!

In spite of the fact that it seems to be a staple theme of those late night movies on CiniMax I have never had a hot lady cop pull me over.

At 2:46 PM, Blogger Tanya said...

Lucky, lucky you. I can't believe your mom wanted you to stay on the phone while talking to the cop. Really. Does she want them to know you aren't paying attention cause you were on the phone?

FYI: I heard that they are setting up speed traps on Hwy 70 with an airplane in the work zone near Mid Rivers.

At 2:47 PM, Blogger michelle said...

i haven't lived with my parents for almost 10 years, but it wasn't until last month that i changed my address on my licence to reflect where i actually live and not what was once my "permanent address" ... it felt weird, and very grown up. ;)

At 3:19 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

I had to change my name and address last year. I cheated and out a hypen in and my new last name. I wasn't planning on it, but I figured that it would be ok if half my id had my old name and half had my new name without the hypen. Weird. But it was just in case I never got around to changing everything, which I haven't. Hah now I have aliases..

At 4:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

He totally pulled you over because YOU are hot!

At 8:53 PM, Blogger Cecily R said...

First time I got pulled over I GOT OUT OF THE CAR! The cop actually (I'm assuming as a reflex)put his hand on his gun while he very sternly told me to "Please get back in the car miss!" I was 17,on my way to buy cake mix and not wearing shoes. I think he didn't ticket me because I was comic relief for the night. What an idiot I was!

Glad you got the hot cop this time!

At 10:45 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

You know what this means?

"All right, you have a great driving record," is code for "All right, you have a great set of ta-ta's."

And I LOVE the text you sent to your mommy!

At 11:56 PM, Blogger Melissa said...

Lucky girl!! If this had been me, not only would I have gotten the ticket hot cop would have found something else (broken taillight, expired sticker) and I would have walked away with two tickets.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who hasn't changed my address yet...two years and count, but hey, whose counting?

At 12:57 AM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

Aw, Swishy - you almost had my heart-rate going there. Don't you just hate getting pulled over? Well, duh - of course, you do. Anyway, if it was the green eyes batting away at him or the fact that you had the wherewithall to text your mom, it doesn't matter... at least you got out of it. Nicely done.

At 1:58 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

No ring! Too bad he has the WRONG ADDRESS, now he can't track me down. Ha.

And I swear to you I am starting to hear sirens everywhere I go now. Even when I'm sitting at my desk at work. It's insanity.

At 5:02 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

Hey, Rob the Nerdy Redneck posted about you and your run-in with the coppers!

At 5:10 PM, Blogger Andie said...

the same thing happened to me last year, around this time. I was running late for my friend's rehearsal dinner and I was speeding, and the cop let me go. If he would have given me the ticket, it would have been a WHOPPER.

Go you! he probably thought you were hot, too. ;)

At 6:04 PM, Blogger KATE said...

Hey, did you ask for his #? Come on girl, he was yummy & delicious. Give me more details!!

At 7:25 PM, Blogger XYZinn said...

Did you at least flirt a little?

At 8:27 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

I ran a yellow light tonight and I thought of you.

Taylor, who will be driving with a permit in a few more months, was with me. I said,

Now Son, that is an example of how NOT to drive. I wanted to prove a point. Otherwise I would have come to a proper stop.

He didn't buy it for a second.

At 11:27 PM, Blogger Shauna said...

Hmmm...so why did he take so long? Was he copying your phone number? Can they do that?? I wanna know if you get a follow up "Are you driving good, wanna have coffee" phone call. ;-)

At 9:37 PM, Blogger Noe said...

lucky you werent driving in my neighborhood while talking on the phone!
my 1st ticket was for driving in the passenger seat with no seatbelt. nice.
the only one time i got pulled over, 4 years ago, i was driving w/ no driver's licence and the guy told me: 'dont you EVER drive around here again w/o a DL. you'll never gonna find another nice policeman like me'. :) cool.
now i see a police and go the other way. lol.


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