Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Scenes from a coffee shop

(Previous installment here.)

Let me tell you, this place is bouncing tonight. Not like the other night, when I came here and someone actually had the AUDACITY to SHUSH me when the text-message sound on my cell phone went off. (It's like, ONE BEEP. And I was GONNA silence it, but I hadn't even SAT DOWN yet! Sheesh. Or, as I used to say when I was little, sheesh capeesh.)

Anyway. That night is not like this night. This night, there are people everywhere. I snag a nice little spot in the corner and, since nothing is more fun than people-watching and procrastinating, that's what I do.

*****

There are three high school boys doing homework a few tables over. They're always here when I come. Tonight, though, they brought Gatorade to power them through their nightly trig assignment, which is a new touch. (Who knew, by the way, you could smuggle in your own Gatorade?)

One of them is wearing a red t-shirt that says: "Prom '08: SACRIFICE the frills but not the FUN!" OK. I get why "fun" is capitalized ... not so much the "sacrifice." I also don't really get why he's wearing a t-shirt for a prom that presumably hasn't happened yet. Is this like the new vintage?

After a minute or two, one of the boys breaks off from the other two so that he can sit closer to an outlet and plug in his computer. Apparently, though, he misses his buds. Every two seconds he turns around and giggles at them from across the room. It reminds me of a couple of lovesick 14-year-olds, which ... hey. Maybe they are. I'm not here to judge.

*****

There are two tables of ponytailed and goateed guys playing this board game called Attica. I've never heard of it. I'm more of a Scrabble or Pop Culture Trivial Pursuit kind of girl. (And UNO! Never underestimate a good game of UNO.) Anyway, they are VERY into it, which strikes me as somewhat random, but hey, whatever.

OK, now one of the tables has packed up Attica and moved on to ... hmm. It starts with a U, but I can't read it from across the room. Ubonga? I SO need to put in a new pair of contacts. At any rate, these guys totally have, like, a little board game club! I think that's very cute, but I also think it's a little rude of them to hoard the tables by the electric outlets if they're not even going to use a computer. Just saying.

*****

Daddy-daughter math homework! At least I hope that's his daughter. Otherwise ... creepy!

*****

OK, we've got our couple on a date. They look very, very cute, like the kind of couple that met at, like, a poetry reading at some independent bookstore or an acoustic guitar night at some (much hipper) coffee shop. She worked very hard to look good without making it look like she worked hard to look good. You know what I mean? Her hair's freshly blown out, but simple. She's wearing glasses, but has on the shiny lip gloss. She's wearing a basic shirt and jeans, but has on trendy heels.

He, on the other hand, has a hole in his t-shirt and hasn't shaved in three days, but it also seems calculated in a way--he strikes me as the kind of guy who's very concerned with playing it cool. I think she's more into him than he is into her, but you know those boys who like to play it cool! They can be deceptive!

*****

A guy in the corner is teaching himself how to read his palm. Should I go over and ask him to read mine? (He is not cute, so the answer to that is NO!)

*****

Ohhhh, boy. A woman in the opposite corner, who's here with two friends, has just started crying. I have to say, she's a really great crier. She doesn't look bad at all. Me, on the other hand, I look terrible when I cry--eyes all bloodshot, nose all runny, face all red and puffy.

OK, she's crying harder now. I am dying, just DYING, to know what's going on. Actually, scratch that. I have no doubt it's about a man. The BASTARD!

*****

One of the teenage boys just came over and shared half his strawberry smoothie with electric outlet boy, who is now ten kinds of giddy. Secret--or not so secret--looooovahs? Or just strawberry smoothie fans? The jury's still out.

*****

Holy freaking crap, the daddy-daughter duo just walked by and, uh ... she's not his daughter. How do I know? Just trust me. I know. I am SO CREEPED OUT right now!

21 Comments:

At 1:22 AM, Blogger The Franchise said...

First comment?? Big day for me. I laughed out loud at the secret lovers comment. Question, is your coffee house the setting of a bad NBC Thursday sitcom from 1996? I'd watch, where is Johnathan Silverman? He'd be perfect for this.

 
At 7:03 AM, Blogger imkay said...

thanks for letting me see what the real world is like.

this is what i saw from "my coffee shop" last night.

totally tired man 30 something with a ponytail asleep on the couch.

in the other corner 11 year old boy reading a captain underpants book.

and running amok through the rest of the coffee shop is a 4 year old trying to get someone's attention!

 
At 9:56 AM, Blogger Patti said...

i went to starbucks yesterday and hung out. that's always good for some action...

 
At 9:57 AM, Blogger Cecily R said...

Oh, man I wish I had time to do that! I'm so wildly jealous this morning about an evening someone I don't know spent in a coffee shop and I don't even drink coffee!

Maybe I should take my son somewhere totally rad and cool like that to do his math homework. Course he is my son and we'd probably leave with one of us mad because the other wasn't listening or didn't know what they were doing (okay, that's me. I can't do 4th grade math and he's finally figuring out my limitations and getting irritated with my "help")...

GREAT post. Very cool. I'm still jealous.

 
At 10:38 AM, Blogger Tanya said...

Yeah, I suddenly have a craving to find the closest one tonight while the hubby is at school and just chill.

 
At 11:05 AM, Blogger Stephanie said...

What the hell does the prom t-shirt even mean? Like plan ahead don't get a limo? This is what I'll be pondering all day now.

 
At 11:12 AM, Blogger Mike said...

Is Attica about staging a prison riot and seeing how horribly wrong it can get?

And I'm guessing the prom frills are condoms. And the fun is sex.

 
At 11:58 AM, Blogger Andrea said...

Is it possible that with the daddy-daughter duo, she just looks incredibly young and he just looks incredibly old for their ages?

Here's hoping... especially since my mind was originally thinking of like an 8 year old and a 30 year old.

 
At 11:59 AM, Anonymous Kristabella said...

I need to know about the daddy-not-daughter!

Also, I was in Target last night and these 2 dudes were shopping together (roommates?) And then they were all "do you want to grill tonight?" And other dude is all "yeah, what do you want to grill?" And the other one was all "I don't know. What do you want to grill?"

I'm not judging, but if you're straight, shut up. Actually, gay or straight, shut up.

 
At 12:44 PM, Blogger Monnik said...

I love your people watching posts. You do a great job of illustrating the weirdos who are out and about.

 
At 1:06 PM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

Sheesh capeesh!

Man, the coffee shops around here are dull...

 
At 1:45 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

THIS HAS GOT TO BE YOUR BOOK! I'VE TOLD YOU THIS BEFORE!!! YOU ARE SUCH AN AWESOME WRITER. I AM SITTING IN THE COFFEE SHOP WITH YOU, AND OF COURSE, WANT TO KNOW MORE... WHY IS THE WOMAN CRYING--OF COURSE, IT'S A MAN... BUT WHAT DID HE DO. WHY IS THE DADDY HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH HIS BEST FRIEND'S DAUGHTER... SEE, YOU NEED TO TAKE IT ONE STEP FURTHER!??!? HOW IS IT THAT 15 YEAR OLD BOYS ARE FALLING IN LOVE...YOU CAN SOOO MAKE THIS HAPPEN, YOU'VE ALREADY GOT THE GREAT TITLE!!! xoxoxo

And big news over at the Manic house--I'll be blogging about it soon!

 
At 4:41 PM, Blogger Beth said...

CREEPY!!!!! Dirty old man!!!

I want to go to YOUR coffee shop, cuz nothing like that every happenes around here. Swish, you are SO much fun to hang with...and men are BASTARDS!!!! ;)

 
At 4:52 PM, Blogger Andie said...

ok, that totally made me laugh and made my really busy and long work day quite a bit better. thanks.

 
At 6:51 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

Ohhh, you guys are so nice. And Manic's right, I HAVE talked about that before! Who knows, maybe someday!

Don't be too jealous, though--I was only there for an hour and it was 10 o'clock at night! Of course, that's also when the fun ones come out ... :)

 
At 7:40 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Oh! A Swishy People Watching Post!! MY FAVORITE!!!

 
At 8:17 PM, Blogger Frannie Farmer said...

I'm a Scrabble gal myself ..
A terrible (awful) cryer.
The daddhy-daughter thing ... ewww. If I wasn't already sick to my stomach -- I certainly would be now.

And someone SHUSHED you in a coffee shop ... whew. Time to get a life!

 
At 8:56 PM, Blogger Bianca Reagan said...

1. Please write a book. I will buy it.

2. Please make a TV show with Josh/"the franchise." I will watch it. If Jonathan Silverman is involved, even better.

3. The teenage boys with the strawberry smoothie scene was too cute.

4. The not daddy-not daughter duo is a Lifetime Original Movie waiting to happen.

 
At 10:49 PM, Blogger XYZinn said...

I SO have to know about the daddy daughter thing? Who was he? How do you know it wasn't her dad? I am so curious!!

 
At 10:56 PM, Blogger secretmom said...

In graduate school, i sat in bar bathrooms in D.C. (trendy, young, pickup joints--in the "herpes triangle" for anyone familiar with that area) and just wrote about what I heard. It was hillarious and one of my favorite pieces I've ever written. Sometimes fact really just can't beat fiction when it comes to the unimaginable and craziness of humanity!

 
At 1:33 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

Thank you, guys :)

The "daddy" grabbed her ass! He was much, MUCH older than her ... she looked like she was in high school! Like, a FRESHMAN in high school Icky ick.

 

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