One crazy Emmy day
You guys! I literally stepped off an airplane mere minutes ago after a whirlwind, last-minute trip for work, only to find out my bag didn't make it with me. But am I going to let that get in the way of Emmy fun? No, I am not. (Although, ohhh ... the blog stories! We'll have to get back to those in a day or two.)
All right, Emmys. I just flipped on E! Ryan Seacrest got a haircut for the big night, and so far both Kyra Sedgwick and Tina Fey have asked him what the hell he's doing on the red carpet when he's going to be hosting one of the biggest awards shows on the planet in just over an hour. Good question, ladies! He also just talked to America Ferrera, who didn't seem very amused when he made a joke about her being 13. Oh, America.
5:39: Kate Walsh looks like she has an animal nesting on the side of her head!
5:51: OK, so Jaime Pressly's talking like a drill sergeant about her cabbage soup detox diet. That sounds absolutely disgusting. I think I'll hold on to the extra eight pounds, thank you very much.
6:01: I think Ryan is gone.
6:12: Sorry, I HAD to go get some chocolate and soda, because I am dying and need a caffeine boost. In the meantime: Julia Louis-Dreyfrus looks gorgeous, and Joely Fisher has very large breasts.
6:17: John Krasinski walked in with a beautiful woman ... who's his AGENT! Ha! Still single!
6:21: Jenna Fischer, when have you EVER seen an enormous bow on a dress that looked good?
6:26: OK, you heard it here first: I think Giuliana DePandi/Rancic is totally pregnant, or about to be. She keeps asking everyone how they lost their baby weight so fast. Um, THEY STARVED THEMSELVES! Duh.
6:32: I did not think it was possible for Heidi Klum to look bad. Tonight, I discovered that anything is possible. Why is everyone wearing their hair like that tonight? I DO NOT like it!
6:39: My friend, commenting on Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart: "I hate it when they look like they just stepped out of a coffin."
6:39: Me, on Katherine Heigl: "She is soooooo pretty!"
6:46: Playing the role of Bride of Frankenstein tonight: Ellen Pompeo!
7:00: I do not like cartoons on award shows. So far a big "F" to the opening!
7:03: Cutting to T.R. Knight after the cartoons sing about Isaiah Washington? Not awkward at all!
7:08: OK, the "Teri" thing made me laugh. So did the Jeremy Piven/Hayden Panettiere line. Ha.
7:14: Jeremy Piven. Yawn. He looks like he got his hair cut by a four-year-old with paper scissors.
7:16: Upset! Terry O'Quinn! I like him. I don't know how I feel about the pink shirt, but hey, you know what--I like to see middle-aged bald men take fashion risks. Go on with your bad, fashion-flaunting self, Terry! And cute speech!
7:26: HA! Ha ha ha ha. Oh, Katherine Heigl. That girl just says every single thing that comes to mind. I love her. I could see her mouthing, "Hi-jell?" on her way up, and I was like, "Nooo ... she won't say anything ... she did!" Ha ha ha. "It's OK, it's a hard name," she says. She kills me.
7:41: I. Love. Katherine Heigl! LOVE HER!
7:45: I still really love her. But, wow, I'm surprised she won!
7:59: Does anyone else remember Christina Aguilera writhing around in a boxing ring singing about being "dirrty"?
8:04: Roots tribute? Food break!
8:23: OK, whenever I see people from The Office, I always think, "Why can't *I* work with totally funny people?" I mean, SOME of the people I work with are funny. Sort of. I guess. Well OK, a few of them are. Just ... it's not the same.
8:38: I saw someone passing a note! Now I'm trying to figure out what it said. Maybe something about Marcia Cross's boobs?
8:51: Annoying non-Emmy side note: My cell phone just died, and I realized my charger's in my bag ... THE SAME BAG THAT HAS YET TO SURFACE AT THE AIRPORT!
9:05: Blah, blah, blah. I'm ready for the big awards.
9:07: So you remember my political consultant airplane buddy? He swears Al Gore will announce in November that he's running for president. And that Hillary Clinton's head will then explode.
9:09: I have never heard so many boob jokes in a 45-second span in my entire life. Thank you, Joely Fisher and Brad Garrett.
9:29: I love Rainn Wilson. And I loooove The Amazing Race!
9:41: Can Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell host the Emmys next year?
9:43: This is what we call irony: FOX, of all networks, is the one with the itchy trigger finger when it comes to the "potty mouth" cutaway?
9:56: OK, I called America Ferrera ... but James Spader? Seriously? Wow. The Sopranos is not doing so hot tonight, huh?
10:09: All right, I spoke too soon. Enjoy your little prize, Sopranos. 30 Rock, on the other hand? Upset of the night!