Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

One crazy Emmy day

You guys! I literally stepped off an airplane mere minutes ago after a whirlwind, last-minute trip for work, only to find out my bag didn't make it with me. But am I going to let that get in the way of Emmy fun? No, I am not. (Although, ohhh ... the blog stories! We'll have to get back to those in a day or two.)

All right, Emmys. I just flipped on E! Ryan Seacrest got a haircut for the big night, and so far both Kyra Sedgwick and Tina Fey have asked him what the hell he's doing on the red carpet when he's going to be hosting one of the biggest awards shows on the planet in just over an hour. Good question, ladies! He also just talked to America Ferrera, who didn't seem very amused when he made a joke about her being 13. Oh, America.

5:39: Kate Walsh looks like she has an animal nesting on the side of her head!

5:51: OK, so Jaime Pressly's talking like a drill sergeant about her cabbage soup detox diet. That sounds absolutely disgusting. I think I'll hold on to the extra eight pounds, thank you very much.

6:01: I think Ryan is gone.

6:12: Sorry, I HAD to go get some chocolate and soda, because I am dying and need a caffeine boost. In the meantime: Julia Louis-Dreyfrus looks gorgeous, and Joely Fisher has very large breasts.

6:17: John Krasinski walked in with a beautiful woman ... who's his AGENT! Ha! Still single!

6:21: Jenna Fischer, when have you EVER seen an enormous bow on a dress that looked good?

6:26: OK, you heard it here first: I think Giuliana DePandi/Rancic is totally pregnant, or about to be. She keeps asking everyone how they lost their baby weight so fast. Um, THEY STARVED THEMSELVES! Duh.

6:32: I did not think it was possible for Heidi Klum to look bad. Tonight, I discovered that anything is possible. Why is everyone wearing their hair like that tonight? I DO NOT like it!

6:39: My friend, commenting on Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart: "I hate it when they look like they just stepped out of a coffin."

6:39: Me, on Katherine Heigl: "She is soooooo pretty!"

6:46: Playing the role of Bride of Frankenstein tonight: Ellen Pompeo!

7:00: I do not like cartoons on award shows. So far a big "F" to the opening!

7:03: Cutting to T.R. Knight after the cartoons sing about Isaiah Washington? Not awkward at all!

7:08: OK, the "Teri" thing made me laugh. So did the Jeremy Piven/Hayden Panettiere line. Ha.

7:14: Jeremy Piven. Yawn. He looks like he got his hair cut by a four-year-old with paper scissors.

7:16: Upset! Terry O'Quinn! I like him. I don't know how I feel about the pink shirt, but hey, you know what--I like to see middle-aged bald men take fashion risks. Go on with your bad, fashion-flaunting self, Terry! And cute speech!

7:26: HA! Ha ha ha ha. Oh, Katherine Heigl. That girl just says every single thing that comes to mind. I love her. I could see her mouthing, "Hi-jell?" on her way up, and I was like, "Nooo ... she won't say anything ... she did!" Ha ha ha. "It's OK, it's a hard name," she says. She kills me.

7:41: I. Love. Katherine Heigl! LOVE HER!

7:45: I still really love her. But, wow, I'm surprised she won!

7:59: Does anyone else remember Christina Aguilera writhing around in a boxing ring singing about being "dirrty"?

8:04: Roots tribute? Food break!

8:23: OK, whenever I see people from The Office, I always think, "Why can't *I* work with totally funny people?" I mean, SOME of the people I work with are funny. Sort of. I guess. Well OK, a few of them are. Just ... it's not the same.

8:38: I saw someone passing a note! Now I'm trying to figure out what it said. Maybe something about Marcia Cross's boobs?

8:51: Annoying non-Emmy side note: My cell phone just died, and I realized my charger's in my bag ... THE SAME BAG THAT HAS YET TO SURFACE AT THE AIRPORT!

9:05: Blah, blah, blah. I'm ready for the big awards.

9:07: So you remember my political consultant airplane buddy? He swears Al Gore will announce in November that he's running for president. And that Hillary Clinton's head will then explode.

9:09: I have never heard so many boob jokes in a 45-second span in my entire life. Thank you, Joely Fisher and Brad Garrett.

9:29: I love Rainn Wilson. And I loooove The Amazing Race!

9:41: Can Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell host the Emmys next year?

9:43: This is what we call irony: FOX, of all networks, is the one with the itchy trigger finger when it comes to the "potty mouth" cutaway?

9:56: OK, I called America Ferrera ... but James Spader? Seriously? Wow. The Sopranos is not doing so hot tonight, huh?

10:09: All right, I spoke too soon. Enjoy your little prize, Sopranos. 30 Rock, on the other hand? Upset of the night!


At 7:19 PM, Blogger KATE said...

Thanks for the updates. I'm loving them!!
- Kate

At 7:48 PM, Anonymous Melissa said...

I hate the guys in the black on black suits.

At 8:14 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

I totally missed the red carpet. Boo!!

Yea for Jeremy Piven. I was kind of hoping Neil Patrick Harris would win, but I love Jeremy, too!

What a sweet speech. *sniff*

At 8:16 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

LOL on the haircut. Still, I'm a fan. :o)

What about Locke??

At 8:31 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Drat!! I missed Katherine Heigl!! But I have commandeered the good TV and I now have complete control...

At 8:58 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

I love Robert Duvall. Glad he finally won an Emmy.

At 9:04 PM, Anonymous allee said...

Swishy--Next year you should blog live at the Emmy's. I just checked out their blogs on fox.com--boring!

At 9:19 PM, Blogger Beth said...

I just don't like Jeremy Piven...I don't really know why...he just rubs me the wrong way for some reason.

I thing what's her name is pregnant too!!!!

At 9:20 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

So what did you get to eat??

At 9:29 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

I don't like Marcia Cross's dress. I think she's beautiful, though.

At 9:30 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Her boobs looked funny and it looked like two cut outs on her butt.

But I really like her. lol

At 9:34 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

Her boobs looked TOTALLY weird! I don't know how to describe it. It was like there were divots ... or something ... in the middle. Her hair looked pretty, though!

And the eats ... chocolate caramel brownies! Yummmmy!

At 9:42 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Oooo! That sounds good. I had an entire carton of Ben & Jerry's Fossil Fuel. I wanted Vermonty Python - my new favorite - but they didn't have it at the store.

I'm starting back on Weight Watchers tomorrow. Really.

Is it just me, or is "Talk Like a Man" and the voice totally inconsistent?? Taylor just asked me, "Is he walking like a man who got kicked in the jimmies?"

At 10:02 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Um... is the airport going to call you on your cell phone when your bag shows up??

At 10:15 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Jolie Fisher's boobs begged to be commented on. And they were much better than Marcia's.

At 10:23 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

I'm spelling everyone's names wrong tonight. Don't care.

The woman who played Alec Baldwin's mother on 30's Rock (I can't think of her name) - she was a hoot!!

At 10:34 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

It's 10:35 and I'm tired. Makes me wish I was on the West Coast.

At 10:37 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Elaine Stritch is the lady's name who won guest actress on a comedy series. I've always liked her.

At 10:44 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Can Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell host the Emmys next year?

I'll sign the petition.

At 10:48 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Regarding the cut aways - I kept thinking they were having technical difficulties. LOL

Told you I'm tired!

At 10:59 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

I didn't see that one coming, either, but I'm a huge James Spader fan. I was pulling for Hugh Laurie, though.

At 10:59 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Hey! Do I win something for posting the most comments in one evening??

At 11:12 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

I like 30 Rock. Heck, I even like Alec Baldwin. I don't want to 'cause I think he's a putz. But he's a funny guy. Schweaty Balls and all.

And of course Sopranos couldn't walk away empty handed.

At 11:14 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Thank God it's over! I've got to wrestle with a bunch of 2-year-olds tomorrow so I need my sleep.

Nighty night, Swishy! This was fun!!

At 11:38 PM, Blogger Moanna said...

Along w/ voting for the Jon Stewart trio hosting for next year, I vote for a regular stage. What's with "in the round" if the speakers don't turn around once in awhile?

Great posting, Swishy! Hope you get your lost luggage back.

At 12:16 AM, Blogger Bianca Reagan said...

I didn't watch at all. Hooray for 30 Rock! I second your call for a Stewart/Colbert/Carell Emmys.

So you remember my political consultant airplane buddy? He swears Al Gore will announce in November that he's running for president. And that Hillary Clinton's head will then explode.

That would be hilarious. It would also give me a viable candidate to back since I am currently supporting Dennis Kucinich.

John Krasinski walked in with a beautiful woman ... who's his AGENT! Ha! Still single!

swishy, John could be dating his agent. It worked for Hilary Swank.

At 1:44 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

GOOD POINT! Except the part that I left out is that his agent is eight months pregnant. ha ha. John was joking around, like, "Yeah, I've been able to hide a relationship for nine whole months!"

Jenster, you totally win! (And yes, I finally got my freaking bag. I'm sure I'll blog about THAT debacle later.)

At 6:57 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

OK, so, since i don't watch TV anymore, I don't know who MANY of these people are.

Whoa is me, the loser girl! And I want to know! I want to know all the hidden secrets but I can't call Swishy to do an "emmy recap walkthrough" because HER CELL PHONE IS DEAD!!!!!!!!

And I can just picture you, cozied up on your couch, with your laptop snuggled in next to you, and jumping up for the food and potty breaks!


Absolutely in the BBFF way! xo

At 6:58 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

Oh, and OKAY!!!!

Did you forget to tell all your reader fans that Jenster was YOUR CO-HOST for the evening!?!?!!??!!

You two might as well been sitting side by side sharing those chocolate caramel brownies!!!

At 7:13 AM, Blogger Jenster said...

I know!! Next year I'm getting my hair and make up done, wearing a beautiful designer dress and rolling a red carpet in the family room. I think I may have fancy little canapes and champagne, too.

It was like a cyber-party!!

(Note to self: Really, really, really get back on Weight Watchers today so you can fit into a beautiful designer dress next year.)

At 7:16 AM, Blogger imkay said...

when they said catherine heigl's name wrong i looked at my DH and said that not how you pronounce that. then you could see her mouth working and it just came out! i loved it! we laughed and laughed. i mean HELL-O. you think the announcer would have some idea how to say these peoples names. how rude

but she did look awesome!

and did you think that Hayden Panettiere looked awful in that dress. it was the same color as her tan. and it was wayy too pouffy for her tiny little body. not a good choice i'm thinking.

At 8:04 AM, Blogger Beth said...

I didn't watch any of the Emmys at all....I'm going through withdrawl. I live in a house full of men...all we had on was football. I need some estrogen in my house! Come visit me Swishy!

At 11:01 AM, Blogger Stephanie said...

Oh my gosh you totaly made my day with the John Krasinski / agent bit. I saw him sitting with her in the audience and was like "I hope that's his sister, please tell me that's his sister!" :)

At 12:24 PM, Blogger Patti said...

whoa...nice job. loved the "we're giving' the emmy to our friend steve carrel (sooo misspelled)"

At 12:26 PM, Blogger Andrea said...

I checked in really quickly last night before popping off to bed, but the only part that stuck with me was the middle-age-man-in-a-pink-shirt part.

I get to work this morning in time for the staff meeting, and what do I see? One of the directors wearing a pink polo. A BABY pink polo, no less, and I consider him beyond middle-aged!

So, Swishy, I just wanted you to know you made me chuckle before I even managed to drink my first cup of coffee this morning.

At 4:37 PM, Blogger Monnik said...

I saw the Katherine Heigl win and everything before, but then I went to workout and forgot to turn it back on.

Guess that shows how into that I am, huh? I don't know what it is... I LOVE reading about the awards shows the day after, and love seeing the dresses and hairstyles and such, but something about the shows themselves make me squirm. And awkward speeches make me itchy. Like what in the world was that dude saying about having to pee and his pants not fitting anymore? Weird.

At 4:55 PM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

As always, you crack me up. I missed the Emmys...was at the Mandy Moore concert. But even if I hadn't been, there's no way America Ferrera & Ryan Seacrest would have made it onto our TV while both the Patriots and the Red Sox were playing.

At 7:49 PM, Blogger Eileen said...

I have to say- overall wasn't blown away by the event. Not that it stopped me from watching every moment- but still.

Hope the bag has shown up

At 10:06 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Heya, Swish. I got a little suhm'n, suhm'n for you over at my place.

At 12:58 AM, Blogger XYZinn said...

Okay, did you think Heidi Klum looked super skinny? I mean, I know she is a model and everything, but she just looked extra skinny to me. Whatever.
I was so happy for Katherine Heigl. Her speech was hilarious!

At 9:50 PM, Blogger Jess Riley said...

This was so fun! I can't wait to hang out with you again...

At 12:31 PM, Blogger Senor Beavis said...

A few days late, Katherine Heigl is naturally gorgeous, but looked better on Roswell, despite my never having seen that show. I'm probably biased because she's said her (unneeded) weight loss and maintenance secret is smoking. Nice role model.

As for her award itself, I was going to make fun, but I'm unable to differentiate her acting from the hack writing she got stuck with, so I'll probably never know.

I hope a piano falls on Jeremy Piven.

Friday Night Lights could have won every award and didn't even get nominated. This is why I don't pay attention to these things. :)


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