Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Monday, September 24, 2007

I SO should be in the CIA

Seriously. Totally missed my calling in life.

So I'm sitting here at my coffee shop, sending some emails for work and IMing my BBFF Manic, when a guy sits down next to me. Like, at the table RIGHT next to me. He's on a computer too, and since I'm so observant of the people around me (translation: a nosy little people-watcher) I notice after a few minutes that he's getting a little twitchy when people walk past him. Like, as if he doesn't want them to see what he's working on. Like ... AS IF HE HAS SOMETHING TO HIDE!

Naturally, the first thing I think is that he must be looking at porn. Or vibrators. So I oh-so-casually lean forward and glance over my shoulder, and all I see are some mysterious looking charts. How do I know they're mysterious? Just trust me--you know when you know. So then I start noticing other things. Like the fact that he's making very suspicious notations on a piece of paper next to his computer. And the fact that he has a very suspicious tattoo on the inside of his left forearm. A tattoo like Jack Bauer has on 24.

OK. Do you guys ever make up stories about people? I do that ALL THE TIME. And the secretive computer use and suspicious note-jotting and 24-esque tattoo all lead me to one logical conclusion: This guy is totally a government spy. Like, TOTALLY. He comes to coffee shops in shorts and canvas sneakers to try to blend in, but HELLO! I WATCH 24. Did I mention that he also has stubble? Not normal stubble. More like "I have a shadowy past" stubble.

Government spy. For SURE!

Of course I have my camera. So I pull it out to document the fact that I am sharing coffee shop space with a secret spy on an important mission. The only problem is, he is sitting literally a foot and a half away from me and um ... I don't know how to turn off the flash on my camera. Why would I? It's automatic! If I don't need the flash, it doesn't go off.

I am momentarily flummoxed. I fiddle with all the buttons and then--brainstorm!--I realize ... I'm on the Internet! I'm living in the age of Google! So I do a quick search and discover that all I have to do is hit the right arrow twice. Done and done.

(Resourcefulness? Quick, on-my-feet thinking? CIA material all the way, I'm telling you.)

OK. So I do a test shot of my computer. He looks over and ... I don't know what. I guess he thinks I'm a crazy girl who takes pictures of her laptop. Whatever. Anyway, he turns back to his computer and I seize the opportunity:



Not good enough. Clearly. So I try again. Only I accidentally hit the power button, so I turn it back on, position the camera and hit the right button this time ... AND THE FLASH GOES OFF! Ohhhhhhh, SHIT! He totally turns and looks at me. I don't dare look up. Instead, I pretend to study my camera intently until he turns back to his computer.

OK. Try again. I check the flash, I lay the camera casually on the table and ...



I know I can do better than that. I just know it.



Money shot!

I know he might look normal here, but trust me. This, my friends, is a government spy. It's also a man who just packed up his stuff and left the coffee shop. I can't imagine why.

33 Comments:

At 6:39 PM, Anonymous Crazed said...

HA!!! Best stalker... EVER!! Er.. I mean spy like person...EVER!! HA! You know that he had to leave because you blew his cover. I love it. You are so great!!

 
At 6:43 PM, Anonymous www.ramble-on-rose.com said...

OMG!! How funny!! You could totally see his wrinkled up forehead after each photo thinking WTF???


He probably thought you were hot after him and then thought boiling bunnies this lady is a nutter

 
At 7:28 PM, Blogger Bianca Reagan said...

You should have gone over and said, "Hi. I like your shirt." Or something else to that effect. Like 99 does on Get Smart, which I am watching now every day on KDOC. The cool, nonchalant thing always works for her.

 
At 7:54 PM, Blogger Chrissy said...

You definitely missed your calling.

This is my favorite part: Did I mention that he also has stubble? Not normal stubble. More like "I have a shadowy past" stubble.

Haha!

 
At 7:56 PM, Blogger Beth said...

He is SO a spy!!! just look at taht stubble! It's a dead give-away.

And you have some serious stalker.er..spy skills Swish. Really.

 
At 8:00 PM, Blogger All moments remembered said...

I think he looks like a HOT SPY!! I love the stubble and the mystery behind him!! That deep voice he has is way sexy too. OHHHH my I have turned your bad guy spy into a moment of pure lust here. LOL!! Okay so now I have found yet another blogger in the world as crazy as I am!! Wanna go have coffee and look for spys?
LOL,
Stacey

 
At 8:55 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

I am calling you on the phone RIGHT NOW!

 
At 9:45 PM, Blogger Moanna said...

I think he's guilty of something or otherwise he'd have assumed you were just hot for him and wanted a pic of a cute guy. And I wonder what the chick over in the corner behind him, the one watching you, is thinking. LOL

 
At 10:18 PM, Blogger Eileen said...

You should totally star in Alias. You could kick Jen Garner's butt.

 
At 10:26 PM, Blogger secretmom said...

I can't believe how gutsy you are to be snapping his pics.

But spy or not, he looks cute, no?

 
At 10:40 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

Oh Oh! I love making up stories about people! Mom and Honey love to hear me do it too.

He did look kinda cute.. I'm thinking Military Special Ops. His hair is short and the scruff could be shaved off quickly and grown back in a few days

 
At 11:32 PM, Blogger Cecily R said...

I am so pissed that I've wasted so much time on my couch with my laptop when I could be in a coffee house figuring out how to save the freaking world with Goggle and a camera!!!!!!

I have to agree with...someone else that commented (I swear my short term memory was delivered along with my third baby)...he's military special ops. Totally the-guy-from Felicity-once-married-Jennifer-Garner-Bob-from-The-Unit-esque.

 
At 11:33 PM, Blogger Cecily R said...

I said Goggle instead of Google. What an idiot.

 
At 11:46 PM, Blogger JODI said...

Swishy, you are a nut! A funny nut, cause you made me laugh.

 
At 12:42 AM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

....and you are so now on the most-wanted list.

 
At 1:10 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

TOTALLY military special ops! You guys are so right!

 
At 9:19 AM, Blogger Mel said...

if he were really a spy, he would have caught on, grabbed your camera, smashed it on the table, removed the SIM card, and confiscated your laptop, all while giving you a stern "dont mess with me, i'm CIA" look.

im so glad he didnt, otherwise, we wouldn't have this awesome story to read while eating our cheerios.

 
At 9:49 AM, Blogger Lainey-Paney said...

I could people watch all day.
Perhaps that's why I love the mall & the airport.
Okay....it's not why I love the mall, and it's just a perk at the airport....

 
At 10:39 AM, Blogger Patti said...

he's all trying to blend in with his cargo shorts and his button down casually pushed up sleeves shirt, but i say your instincts were dead on!

 
At 10:42 AM, Blogger Monnik said...

Bwahaha! OMG. You totally crack me up.

I'm surprised he didn't ask you to dinner. Then again, you were acting kinda stalkerish, so maybe he was afraid.

 
At 11:20 AM, Blogger Tanya said...

Swishy is a stalker!

Now the real question is, "Did he look over his shoulder to see what you were working on?" Did you hear any camera clicks? Should we be googling "Coffee Shop Stalkers"? I bet he went home and blogged about you!

 
At 12:28 PM, Blogger imkay said...

ahhh... it's good to be home to a swishy spy moment!!

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger Karen said...

Awesome. I am constantly making up elaborate back stories about total strangers based on the smallest things. Would you please tell Hubby John that I'm not the only one who does it? :)

 
At 12:54 PM, Blogger Andrea said...

I love your coffee shop sessions! You give me great ideas for characters!

Now if I could just make the time to sit down and write...

 
At 6:36 PM, Blogger Senor Beavis said...

Relax. It's just Chuck, without the hack Josh Schwartz dialogue.

 
At 7:09 PM, Blogger Trish said...

That guy has guilt written all over him. Just look at the way he is hunched over his laptop...

You are SO on to something!

*Special Agent Swishy*

 
At 7:45 PM, Blogger Bianca Reagan said...

I bet he went home and blogged about you!

tanya, that would be so meta-awesome.

 
At 9:31 PM, Anonymous Kristabella said...

I was thinking he was probably a big math nerd and was trying to solve some complex differential equation and didn't want you STEALING his Nobel Prize award-winning proof!

I have no idea what any of that means. This is all the math I know. Me + beer = GOOD.

 
At 10:14 PM, Blogger The Franchise said...

That story made my day. Oh and the guy at the coffee shop, yeah that was me. Way to blow my cover. The terrorists win again.

 
At 5:10 PM, Blogger Andie said...

ROFLOL you always crack me up swish.

 
At 7:12 PM, Blogger XYZinn said...

Oooh, he's cute. You should have got his number! I like the stubble.

 
At 11:54 AM, Blogger J said...

That was fun! I once tried to take a picture of someone secretly but then the flash went off too! LOL... so it wasn't a secret and I just pretended I was taking a picture of something else :p

 
At 1:48 AM, Anonymous ~SpaceFairy~ said...

Hahaha I thought I was the only one who did this! ;p

 

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