A few sprinkles of random
The Saturday afternoon errands edition ...
* Are you aware that there is a severe wire hanger shortage in America? That's what the sign says at the dry cleaners: "Due to a severe wire hanger shortage, please return any unwanted hangers." Given the approximately 7,985 wire hangers in and around my closet, I always find this shocking. How did we get to this state? Who determined it? What's next, a toothpaste shortage? It's all very disturbing.
* I always wave at the security camera at the ATM. I play it cool for about 20 seconds, until I enter the pin, and then while I'm waiting for the money to come out I scrunch up my face and do my best cute wave to the camera. I wonder if anyone ever sees it.
* I hate going to the grocery store. I have a hard enough time deciding what to eat on a daily basis. I'm supposed to get DAYS worth of food at a time? Without knowing what mood I'm going to be in 72 hours from now? I don't think so.
But even though I hate the grocery store, I love, love, LOVE the Muzak. You know how when the store is quieter, the Muzak gets louder? I love that in a way that is impossible to describe. Short of plopping me down on a beach, there is no way to bliss me out more than to give me a cart and an empty aisle with, say, Journey blaring over the speakers. I'm serious. It is my Zen. Today I got to hear Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac ("Oh, ahhhhhhhh ... I wanna be with you everywhere"), The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkel ("Li la li ...") and ohhh, my personal favorite: Endless Summer Nights by Richard Marx. Do I remember? Why, yes, Richard. Yes, I do. I remember, and it was magical.
My love affair with the Muzak began when I worked in the mall (something all good Jersey girls do at least once). I'd get there in the morning. The lights would be low, the store would be quiet ... and then, boom! Someone would flip a switch and Phil Collins would start crooning about a groovy kind of love. Ahhh, sweet serenity.
* Finally, thank you, Tim Gunn, for making it impossible for me to ever shop again. Every time I try something on, I hear his voice in my head: "Swishy! You need to ACCENTUATE your WAIST! No boxy styles! NO BOXY STYLES!" So then I put that adorable burgundy jacket that's more than FIFTY PERCENT OFF back on the rack, and that adorable green scoopneck tee that's only a tiny bit too baggy back on the shelf and skulk out of the store empty-handed. Sad. So sad.
All right, kiddies. Time to catch up on TV premiere week (more on that later!) Hope you're having a great weekend!