Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Monday, August 13, 2007

You can take the girl out of Jersey ...

(... but you can't take the Jersey out of the girl. As you're about to find out.)

(OK, I'm sticking in a preface. I read this again, and if I sound like I was a complete bitch, I PROMISE I wasn't! I swear. I was only a little one. I didn't raise my voice or gesture wildly with my hands or anything like that. In fact, I'm normally very non-confrontational about these kinds of things. But I was very tired, it was a very ridiculous situation, and ... I'm going to stop now.

Anyway. Back to our regularly scheduled post.)

You guys! I'm back. And you know how I had a crazy time GOING on the trip? I had just as crazy a time getting BACK. I swear. Sometimes I seriously feel like I'm on a candid camera show.

So this is what happened. Before I left, I dropped my car off at the shop because it had been spazzing out whenever I accelerated. I called the shop the day before I came back because I hadn't gotten a call with an estimate yet and I wanted to make sure it was going to be fixed and ready for me to pick up. I was informed that I had gotten a tune-up and that it was going to cost $200-something. I was pretty ticked that they hadn't called BEFORE doing stuff to my car, but fine. It didn't cost that much, and if it was fixed, fine. "I can come pick it up when I get back in town, right?" I asked. Oh, yeah, they told me. The shop itself would be closed, but there would be a woman there who could take my payment and give me my key. I've done that like seriously a half-dozen times there, and it's never been a problem. So ... good.

So my friend picks me up at the airport and we go to the shop to get my car. I pay my $241.86 and wait for the woman to give me my key. And wait. And wait.

Her: I can't find your key. Do you have it?
Me: Ummm ... NO.
Her: You might have to come back tomorrow.
Me: Are you serious?

My friend goes to check my car. He comes back with this "please don't shoot the messenger" look on his face.

Friend: Uh ... your key's in the ignition. And the doors are all locked. And (deep breath) ... the radio's on.

(This is where I go from pleasantly mellow to cranky and tired and pissed off.)

Me: What? WHAT?!?!?! You've GOT to be kidding me. (Turn to back to woman.) What are you going to do about that?
Her: I can't do anything about it.
Me: Well, I'm not the one who locked my keys in the car with the radio on.
Her: Well, neither am I.
Me: OK. I understand that YOU, YOURSELF did not lock my keys in the car. But SOMEONE here did, and seeing that you WORK here, I want to know what you're going to do to help me.
Her: I told you, you're going to have to come back tomorrow.
Me: OK, do you not understand that my car is also ON? I am not leaving my car here, ON, all night.
Friend, under his breath: We can call Triple-A.
Me (eyes, no doubt, blazing): SHE can call Triple-A. And besides, why should I call ANOTHER garage to come open my car when I'm already AT a garage? The garage that DID IT in the first place? (Turn back to woman.) You're going to have to call someone.
Her: I'm telling you, if you just come back tomorrow ...
Me: You know, I really wish you would stop saying that.
Her: I know how you feel, but ...
Me: Oh, do you? Really? Are your keys locked in the car right now? Is your battery going to be dead from the radio being on for who knows how long? The battery you bought here a mere six months ago?
Her: Well, no.
Me: Look. I'm sorry, but this is seriously unacceptable. And I really wish you would stop trivializing it and start trying to fix it.
Her: FINE. I'll call the manager.
Me: THANK YOU.

She picks up the phone and starts dialing.

Friend: Do you want something to drink?
Me: Do I want ... no! I don't want anything to drink! I want my keys out of my car!

She hangs up.

Her: He's not home.
Me: So call someone else.
Her (makes indignant sound): But, if you just come back ... (pauses when I shoot her my Swishy death glare) FINE.

She dials.

Me, hissing to Friend: I see you've got the whole "strong and silent" thing down pat.
Friend: You think I'm getting in your way right now? Nooooo way.
I laugh. Just a little.

She hangs up.

Her: He's not there either. There's no one else to call.
Me: Really? REALLY? You only have two people who work in that whole garage?
Her: Yes.
Me: REALLY. Two whole people on staff, huh? That's interesting, because when I dropped it off, there were at least four people working. And that was at 6 o'clock.
Her: I've done everything I can. I'm sorry. You can come back in the morning.
Me: Fine. Give me the numbers. I'll call.
Her: I can't do that.
Me: Then I want names, including yours.
Her: FINE. I'll call someone else.
Me: THANK YOU.

She dials.

Friend (whispering): I wish a policeman would come by. They always know how to get into locked cars.
Me (whispering back): I wish a policeman would come by, too, to stop me from diving over the counter and throttling her.

I hear her talking on the phone: "She's really upset. I mean, I understand, but you know, what I am supposed to do? She refused to leave until I called someone, even though it's not really reasonable to expect ..."

Friend: You'd think she would lower her voice if she's going to talk about you.
Me: You'd think.

She hangs up.

Her: He'll be right here.
Me: Thank you VERY much.

The guy shows up, bless his heart, with two pajama-clad kids in the backseat and has my car open in about two seconds.

Me: Thank you so, so much. I really appreciate it.
Him: No problem. I'm just sorry about the inconvenience.
Me: Out of curiosity, does this kind of thing happen a lot?
Him: Often enough that I went out and bought a tool for it.

Niiiiiiiiice.

(Thankfully, my battery still had juice, but the car had been on long enough that it had used an entire quarter tank of gas. Other side note: Yes, I do have a spare key, but it was at my office, 20 minutes away, and there was a principle at work here. The principle being: IT SHOULD NOT BE MY PROBLEM THAT YOU LOCKED MY KEYS IN THE CAR! And one final thing: I did feel bad later about giving her a hard time, so I was going to call her and thank her again for helping and my friend WOULD NOT LET ME! He confiscated my phone.)

OK, the trip! The trip itself it was fun. I saw my brother and sister and everyone played nice for the most part. And I got to eat my pizza! This is one of my favorite places in the world:



And this ... this is heaven on a platter, my friends:



Trust me.

22 Comments:

At 3:50 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

I so woulda unlocked the car with her two front teeth, just like a bottle opener.

 
At 3:52 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

I've been watching non-stop Sopranos from Netflix. Just sayin my above comment could have been worse considering

 
At 6:09 PM, Blogger XYZinn said...

Mmmm...that pizza looks soooo good right now!! Why oh why Swishy do you have to tempt me?
And the car saga....why does it always happen to you? Remember the rental car incident?

 
At 10:04 PM, Anonymous Kristabella said...

I'm starting to think that a higher power is telling you to avoid cars in every which way, shape or form. Between this and the rental car story, Henry Ford has it out for you or something.

Why do you tempt me with the photo of that pizza? So not point-friendly. But want anyway!

Must go. The Hills is on.

 
At 10:27 PM, Blogger Beth said...

first off...YUM for the pizza!!!

Now, you should have kicked her ass.!!! what a bitch!!!! And I don't say that lightly!!!! I HATE incompetence!!!! AHHHHHHHH! There would be NO WAY I would leave my car there...RUNNING!....either! What was wrong with that woman?!!

note to swishy...find another garage to work on your car from now on!!

 
At 11:25 PM, Blogger The Franchise said...

You are like a young Pat Benatar, in my mind anyway, you don't take crap from anyone. Not mechanics, not pizza, no one. By the by who his this "friend" of yours. I would like to use quotes and caps to show my anger but I have to go call my quasi celebrity girlfriend from The Soup.

 
At 12:00 AM, Blogger Shauna said...

Swishy, you always make me laugh! I'm adding a daily dose of your blog to my vitamins and various pills! LOL! Kidding on the pills.

Rx: swishygirl.blogspot.com

 
At 1:17 AM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

Oh heavens, that is so uncalled for. Not really her behavior - I mean, she's just a receptionist - but who the f thought no one would notice your car running when they closed up shop? You showed great restraint.

 
At 1:52 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

OK, the beauty is, someone went and CHECKED my car earlier and didn't even notice! I'm like, HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN??? The whole thing was crazy. I mean, literally, I was like, I must be on a candid camera show.

You guys are right. Cars hate me.

Shauna, you are so sweet! And K-Bella, you KNOW I watched The Hills! It is sort of sad how much I enjoyed watching it. Did you SEE the PREVIEWS? Heidi is CATTY!

One of my favorite '80s songs was We Belong. Hmm ... coincidence? Deuce Bigalow sings it to me when he wants to woo me. Does KELLY do that??

 
At 5:10 AM, Blogger simonsays said...

Swishy---I work at a car dealership, so I know the bullshit and shenanigins (sp?), that go on, each and every day. We have had issues like these, although I can't remember one instance when the car was left RUNNING....but her idiocy was completely unacceptable. Just in case you were feeling like you should apologize or something...don't you dare!

 
At 9:34 AM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

You kinda gotta stick up for yourself in situations like that. Nicely done. I can't believe that woman just kept telling you, "but if you'd just come back tomorrow" when your car was RUNNING!?! I know it can't be fun to go through all of this, but man, it makes for great blogging :)

 
At 11:15 AM, Blogger Patti said...

is it sad i relish confrontations like that one? it is the challenge of getting them to do the right thing...damnit. ooohhhh, i love when someone tells me no. "really? no?" they have no idea of our super powers!!!! bwhahahahaha...

and i could go for that pizza right now.

 
At 11:26 AM, Blogger Tanya said...

You should bill them for the gas. They totally deserve it. Was the radio on to a good station at least?

 
At 2:27 PM, Blogger Andrea said...

So it wasn't just the radio that was on, but the ENTIRE CAR??? I think I'd have blown my top! And when the guy said, "Often enough that I went and bought a tool for it," after all the hassle you just went through, all I would have been able to do is stare and stammer at him! What do you say to something like that?

In fact, what did you say?

I'm glad you had fun on your trip, though.

 
At 3:39 PM, Blogger Monnik said...

I would have been pissed too. Man. You have the kind of luck that I do.

That pizza looks freaking awesome. My mouth is watering.

 
At 4:59 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

Better than Bacci?!?!? And as big? YUM!!!

 
At 8:04 PM, Blogger Nick said...

I trust you...the plain cheese is so underrated

 
At 11:30 PM, Blogger Moanna said...

Maybe call the Better Business Bureau or the local news channel. And whose side is your friend on anyway. Geesh.

 
At 1:20 AM, Blogger Eileen said...

Glad you had fun on your trip, and that pizza looks soooo good. I can see why it is your favorite place.
I LOVED how you handled yourself at the garage. Perfect, don't mess with me or give me any shit, just my car. LOVE IT. I hate when people mess up, and suddenly it is your problem. Glad you got your car.
Glad your back. XOXO

 
At 6:57 AM, Blogger simonsays said...

Swishy-you have been given an award--check out my page and see!

 
At 9:26 AM, Blogger March to the Sea said...

howdy..manic sent me..i'll poke around!

 
At 9:28 PM, Blogger Andie said...

have you ever been to spumoni gardens ? OMG that place is the BOMB.

I'm not an official jersey girl, but my friend from jersey says I"m one, I was just born in the wrong place. LOL

 

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