Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

It's like this and like that and like this and uh

I lose all semblance of an attention span when it's hotter than 95 degrees outside, so in no particular order ...

* I am so in love with the new 100-calorie Hostess cupcakes. I guess I'm not really supposed to eat three packages in one sitting (not that, uh, I've done that or anything), but I mean ... they ARE only 100 calories each, right? I don't eat the yellow ones or carrot cake ones, though. Just chocolate.

* All right, I know, I know, I'm totally obsessed with the asstastic Scott Baio. But the last episode, when his girlfriend's daughter's trying to ask him a serious question and he can't bother to look up from his texting for two seconds to answer? That kind of thing DRIVES ME CRAZY! Massive, MASSIVE pet peeve of mine. At least he proved what an awesome guy he is by BUYING HER A TOASTER OVEN FROM COSTCO. Blechh.

* In other VH1 reality news, Man Band is on right now. My very fast thoughts: Jeff Timmons is a whiny little girl, although I will confess to owning 98 Degrees' first CD and LOVING that video with Nick Lachey in the boxing ring (The Hardest Thing ... right?) The guy from Color Me Badd does not look good OR sound good. Chris Kirkpatrick, blah. Rich Cronin is coming off the best, although I'm pretty sure I could have gone the rest of my life without being reminded of that "I like girls who wear Abercrombie and Fitch" song and been--wait, wait, WAIT a second! They're holding a Native American ritual to cleanse themselves of their boy band pasts? SERIOUSLY??? Ohhhhhh, my.

* My favoritest issue of Glamour came in the mail the other day. I have a favorite issue of every magazine. Like, for People, it's the Most Beautiful People issue, and for Entertainment Weekly it's the photo issue and the "It List" or "Must List" or whatever they decide to call it that year. For Glamour, it's the "Look Sexy at Any Age" issue. I know it sounds stupid, but I'm serious, I love that issue. There's always a section dedicated to how to get different celebrities' nails or updo or whatever ... and this is relevant how, you might ask? Well, I'll tell you: Because I am now wearing Reese Witherspoon's makeup. Not the EXACT makeup, but the gist of it. Specifically, her eyeshadow, and let me tell you, I feel different already. I also plan to have Julia Stiles' blowout once I can find monster-sized Velcro rollers.

* I can HEAR you laughing at me right now! Go ahead, laugh it up, but check THIS out while you're giggling at me and my eyeshadow. This is part of what my horoscope said today:

"You feel great, and look terrific to others, so take a chance with that crush of yours."

HA! Ha ha ha. I love my horoscope. Who WOULDN'T love a horoscope that says that? ESPECIALLY on a day they wear new eyeshadow? I get it emailed to me every day, and I highly recommend that you sign up to get yours, too. But only if you like being told you look hot. Otherwise, I guess you should pass.

* I know a lot of people probably don't care about this, but WHY WON'T BARRY BONDS JUST HOMER ALREADY??? I want to see him hit it, because it's history and all that, but I don't want to watch ESPN2 every night for the rest of my life waiting for it to happen.

* I can't think of what I was about to say. That has been happening ALL DAY! I seriously am losing my mind. Still can't remember ... still can't ...

OK, I give up.

24 Comments:

At 5:30 AM, Blogger simonsays said...

A great horoscope on the SAME day as new eyeshadow? I hope you went out after that "crush"...teehee

Have a great week, swishy...

 
At 7:41 AM, Blogger imkay32 said...

how strange that man band did the whole Native American ritual thing b/c on the 2 corey's sunday night they had a very similar experience. corey haim can't stop smoking so corey feldman's wife susie sends them to an Indian sweat lodge, where they let go of issues from their past as well as their addiction.

ummm makes you wonder.....

 
At 8:25 AM, Blogger Moanna said...

Great posting, swishy. How can you be so funny at midnight?

Oh, I signed up for the horoscope (trying not to get to work too early) but wasn't completely awake yet and clicked on couple's horoscope. Says we must love each other because we're so completely incompatible there's no other reason we could possibly stay together. What this means is you can have increased confidence that you actually look terrific to others! :)

 
At 8:27 AM, Blogger Monnik said...

You crack me up, girl! I love that Glamour issue too. Though I stopped subscribing. I should pick it up at the store.

I'm with you on the Barry Bonds thing. It's kind of annoying just waiting for it to happen...

 
At 10:14 AM, Blogger Tanya said...

They are bringing boy band stars back for man band? I thought that was too crazy to be true, but apparently it is!
woah.

 
At 10:32 AM, Blogger Patti said...

i don't know what's worse...scott's texting and toaster oven gifting ways or barry bonds and his 'roid driven accomplishment. blech...

 
At 11:27 AM, Blogger Beth said...

Swish, do you EVER sleep?!

I love that Glamour too....and I want my hair cut just like hers...I love it. She's so cute and I think I can be cute too, if I cut my hair like her! pathetic!!!

Love you Swish!!

 
At 11:41 AM, Blogger Andrea said...

Asstastic! I LOVE it! I'm so stealing that phrase! (Okay, so *maybe* I'll only borrow it and *maybe* I'll even credit you...) :)

I quit getting those horoscopes because they NEVER told me I was beautiful, or they'd tell me what a great day it was to be single, which I'm not. If anyone knows of any horoscopes for married people, that would rock!

 
At 12:45 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

OK, you do know that the Hostess chocolate 100-calories equal only ONE WW point, so technically, if you wanted to eat three packages in one sitting, it would be OK.

The golden cupcakes with the chocolate frosting, equally yummy, and equally 100 calories however, are 2 WW points per package. I discovered this so now I will only indulge in the all-chocolate ones.

And how crazy is it that when I read WHY WON'T BARRY BONDS JUST HOMER ALREADY, I, me, Manic Mommy, the worst sports enthusiast of the entire universe TOTALLY KNEW WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT!!!!

You don't bring me flowers anymore. You're never on IM!!! Whahhhahahahaahahhwaaaah!

 
At 12:46 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

Oh, and is it the September issue of Glamour, cuz I think there's a quote in there from ME, about S-E-X...

did you find it?

 
At 1:39 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Is it true what Victoria Beckham says? "It's exhausting being fabulous?" 'cause honey, you're fabulous in spades!

 
At 3:46 PM, Blogger Andie said...

Hey! I bought that issue of glamour yesterday! I wanted to see how I could be fabulous in my 30's since I just turned 30 and all that jazz.

I'm sure you look hot everyday, but hey, if your horoscope tells you what you believe, then you know it's true!!!

And it's 110 degrees here today if you factor in the heat index and humidity. NICE.

I wish it was october already. then I could be wearing my trench and not feel weird about it.

 
At 3:47 PM, Blogger Andie said...

ok, so I posted a comment and then saw manic was quoted about sex in it?

I have the magazine with me here, now I need to go look for her quote.

and I love those cupcakes too! they rock! (i've eaten 2 packages in one sitting *blushing now* )

 
At 5:16 PM, Blogger Andie said...

ok, manic.... dish. did you use a different last name for your glamour quote?

 
At 5:54 PM, Blogger cubmommy said...

I love the 100 Hostess cupcakes! The are awesome.

Maybe tonight Barry will finally hit that homer. I am sick of hearing about it on the news.

Scott Baio is total jerk. I can't believe I am watching that show. His friend Artie(i think that is his name) is so sleazy. He makes my skin crawl.

 
At 6:30 PM, Blogger XYZinn said...

I need to sign up for that kind of horoscope...especially when I don't feel particularily hot or sexy with 2 kids and no shower for the day!

 
At 10:14 PM, Blogger Eileen said...

You are too funny! I loved this post. I am also totally loving the chocolate 100 cal. Hostess cupcakes. Best things ever, as far as diet,ooops I mean healthy eating goes....

 
At 12:31 AM, Blogger Ro - Thirtyish.org said...

That is how my mind wanders when its not only 95 degrees out but I'm hopped up on coffee! lol.

P/S I lurve the Scott Baio show! :)

 
At 12:43 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

No way! They really did the same thing on the Coreys? WTF?

And I haven't read the whole issue yet, just thumbed through it but I am going RIGHT NOW to find my Manic's sex story! HA!

You guys rock ... your comments are so fun and you're all so nice!

 
At 2:50 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

Did you all find the sex story? It's embarrassing sex stories, I think, and of course I didn't use my REAL name in it! My God, what time of attention whore do you all think I am?

What page is it on? What page is it on?!?!!? LOL!

 
At 9:16 AM, Blogger Andie said...

you're on page 209 Manic. :)

and yeah, I haven't read the whole thing yet either. I have a dentist appt and an opthamologist appt today, so I'm planning on reading the rest while I'm waiting.

That issue is FULL of good stuff though!

 
At 1:27 PM, Anonymous Kristabella said...

Dude I love the Hostess 100 calorie cupcakes!

I eat the yellow cake ones. Yellow Cake! (That's only funny if you've seen The Chapelle Show.)

I can't bring myself to watch the Man Band show. I have my reality show limits. Which include continuing to watch Scott Baio be an asshat. A toaster oven? Seriously?

And why would Costco be the best place to go?

 
At 7:57 PM, Blogger Golightly said...

I am dyiing to try those 100 calorie hostess cupcakes - may just have to run out and get some now!

 
At 8:29 PM, Blogger Lainey-Paney said...

I'm in love with those cupcakes too. And I'll go ahead & tell ya--the yellow ones are NOT all that. The chocolate ones are the best.

I went through 2 boxes of them in 2 days. That can't be right....

you know, at some point, it's no longer a Healthy Choice....

 

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