Terrence Howard is a freak
What the hell is up with celebrities and their obsession with toilet paper? Seriously. Let me tell you, if I were a celebrity, toilet paper would not be No. 1 on my list of concerns. My list of concerns would go something like this:
1. Hiring a personal masseuse
2. Going on an exotic vacation
3. Meeting a hot cabana boy on said vacation
4. Seducing hot cabana boy
5. Flying hot cabana boy to million-dollar mansion in L.A. whenever I'm in the mood for hot cabana action.
139,985: Toilet paper (namely, making sure my assistant picked some up at Walgreen's after dropping off my Vera Wang gown at the cleaners)
I am not sure how I missed this when it first came out, but Elle has an interview with Terrence Howard (Crash, Hustle and Flow) in its latest issue. Apparently, Terrence has an issue with women who use toilet paper. Ohhh, yes, you heard me right. APPARENTLY, Terrence thinks women who use toilet paper are dirty, nasty skanks. If Terrence dated a girl who had toilet paper in her bathroom, he'd drop her like a poopie in the bowl unless she switched to baby wipes PRONTO!
I wonder, do you think he uses baby wipes on Little Terrence? Do you think he regularly freshens up Little Terrence's "neighbors" on especially hot, sweaty days? You silly kids, of COURSE he doesn't! He's like a human field of daffodils! It's WOMEN who are dirty, not fresh-as-a-daisy Terrence!
OK, one other thing. A little FYI if you're looking to be Terrence's lady of lust: He wants someone who looks just like him, because "the most beautiful thing in nature is your own reflection."
In the interest of full disclosure, I have made the comment before that I look so hot today I want to date myself, but I was a) having a very rare awesome hair day and b) kidding. I read Terrence's words of wisdom, and I thought to myself, would I want to date someone who looks exactly like me? And, after much contemplation, I decided I must have an even bigger ego than Terrence, because there is only room for one 5-7 blonde girl in my relationships.
In other news, I read this story today. Summary: A couple of high school girls in Ohio snuck onto the property of the town's eccentric, and Mr. Eccentric pulled out a rifle and shot one of them. (You know, just your good, old-fashioned feel-good story.) I think the girls were probably a little mean, and the guy was probably a little psycho, but that's not really why I'm telling you this. If you scroll down and read the whole story, it goes into the Eccentric Family's history with the police:
Example A: The family lived with the dead body of the guy's grandmother for two days in the '80s "for fear the woman might wake up and be scared."
Example B: The guy's mother "had once reported that a space alien sexually molested her after entering the house through the duct work."
It's days like today that make me feel TOTALLY normal.