Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Just another Manic Sunday

What a FUNNY day ... ha ha ha.

OK, but first I'm going to backtrack and tell you a random thing that happened Saturday. I was sitting outside at this sidewalk cafe, eating lunch and working on my laptop, when this kid comes up to me.

Kid: "Hey, can you give me some money for my basketball team?"
Me: "Um ... no."
Kid: "What? Are you kidding me? You don't want my team to win? You don't want us to be good? Come ON, lady."
Me: "Sorry, I don't have any cash on me. Good luck, though."
Kid: "Aw, man, you've got to be JOKING. What kind of person are you, you don't want a basketball team to do good?"

All of a sudden, his friend appears with a handful of clothes: "Look what I got!"

One second later--I mean, literally, ONE SECOND--this huge guy comes barreling down the sidewalk and starts WHALING on the kid. He's all, "You think you can just come in my store and steal things? Huh? I don't THINK so." And the kid's all, "Hey, man, get off me! The receipt's in my pocket! The receipt's in my pocket!" And I'M all, "Dude, do NOT crash into my open laptop right now or I will beat BOTH your asses." I'm totally standing up, shielding my poor little baby Presario as they go at it right next to me. Finally, the guy's like, "Fine. Show me your receipts." He lets go of the kid's shirt for a split second and ...

Hell, yeah, the kid took off running, along with his little con artist friend. Thankfully, they did not take my poor, scared laptop with them. For many reasons, not the least of which is that I wouldn't be able to tell you about my Manic Sunday if they had!

OK. Time for a little backstory. When I was at Manic's house on Friday night, I was talking to her daughter. I was like, "Your earrings are so cute!" And then I was all, "I got my ears pierced when I was 10 and they closed up. I seriously want to get them pierced again someday." And Manic's all, "Helllllo! We'll get them pierced on Sunday!" And I was like, "Seriously?!" And she's all, "YEAH! Seriously!"

So that's what we decided to do.

But first, OF COURSE, we had to eat, because ear piercing requires strength and sustenance. I ordered a hamburger and fries, because I am going to be a really good eater starting tomorrow, so I had to get my last meal in, and also because I haven't had a decent hamburger in FOREVER! You guys, it was so juicy, it dribbled down my chin. And it came with garlic fries! GARLIC! (Which meant two things: Gum the rest of the day for both of us, and no Swishy-makes-out-with-random-local-boys stories this time. Sometimes you just have to sacrifice.)



I'm seriously going to be having dreams about that meal for the next week.

Properly fortified, we walk over to the ear piercing place.

Manic: "Are you OK?"
Me: (giggles)
Manic: "That's your nervous laugh!"
Me: (giggles again)
Manic: "Ohhhhh, boy."

My ear-piercing guru, Amy, sits me down on the little seat, which is conveniently right next to a window so everyone inside AND outside can stare at me.

Me: "I feel like I'm 10."
Amy: "Oh, you're not even close to the oldest person I've had! I had a 72-year-old woman in here once!"

I don't feel much better. Meanwhile, a crowd is quickly forming. (Manic's seriously like, "We are SO Nicky and Paris right now!" because of all the people watching.) I can barely fill out my stupid little form, so Manic takes over.

Manic: "OK, you should do both ears at the same time, so it's over quick."
Amy: "All right." (Yells to the front of the store.) "Tiffany! I need you to come help me with a double."
Manic: "Wait! Has Tiffany ever pierced ears before?"
Me: "GREAT QUESTION." (Pause.) "I am SO glad you're here, Manic."

It's a yes on Tiffany. They get ready to pierce my ears, and Manic gets ready to take my picture. OR SO I THINK. Apparently, while I'm waiting for her to take the damn picture for posterity already, she's actually RECORDING THE WHOLE THING. So ... I will end the story there by saying I now have two lovely little white-gold balls in my ears, which I hope don't cause a raging infection like they did when I was 10. If you really want to see the live-action version, you can go here. Since, as luck would have it, I not only happened to visit the week Manic discovered the video function on her digital camera, I also happened to visit the week Manic discovered YouTube. On the bright side, if there has to be video of me on the Internet, at least I'm wearing underwear.

Manic buys me a pair of earrings for being such a brave little girl and we set off for Barnes and Noble. We read the first chapter of Emily Giffin's latest book, out next year (it's in the back of the Baby Proof paperback), and promptly FREAK OUT because it's so damn good and we want to read the whole thing right this second. We look at a calendar of bunnies committing 12 different, random forms of suicide, one for each month. (Don't worry. They're fake bunnies. But it's still twisted.) We look at all the books, and talk about all the authors, and the entire time all I can do is finger my balls. (HA. But it's true!)

Seriously, guaranteed--no two people can have more fun in a bookstore than Manic and me. We go and look at books every time we hang out, and it's always fun. BUT ... after we left, we decided we needed more creative inspiration in our lives. Specifically, I'm shoving chocolate Frosty in my mouth when Manic announces: "We need to find ourselves a muse."

Me: "A ... what? A muse?"
Manic: "Yeah! We need muses!"
Me (Frosty dribbling out of my mouth and on to my T-shirt): "OK!"

So, the muse search officially begins. We found two little heart-shaped, red-white-and-blue paperweights, but we nixed them after a while because they were too Fourth of July-ie. Manic liked some wooden man bent over with his head in his lap, but it kind of creeped me out. ("Do you realize what it looks like he's doing?!" I asked. "Well ... wouldn't you, if you could?" replied pragmatic Manic.) Besides, there was only one and we HAD to have two.

Finally, we hit the $7.99 muse jackpot. It's like the thinking man, only it's a woman.



(They're not TOTALLY identical ... Manic's is the one with the bigger boobs, which is how we can tell them apart!)

So look out ... with our muses watching over us, we shall take over the world!

OK, last thing. I get home, and there's a package in the mail. I'm like, "Who sent me a package?!" I tear it open, and ... wait. Remember this? OK, good.

I open it up, and ...



Oh, wait--there's more!



Ha ha ha ha ha ha. And she kept it a secret the WHOLE TIME!

22 Comments:

At 10:05 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

You cannot even believe how much I am cracking up right now!!!! I cannot, cannot stop laughing!

FINGERING YOUR BALLS!!!!????

And, for those reading, Swish and I totally did not collaborate on our duo blog posts! But they are so similar! The Thinking Man but a woman!!

And for the audience--Swishy has bigger boobs, definitely a nice rack!

OK, so here's to our BBFF best blog friendship IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!

Whenever I am feeling Cranky or if I feel those tiny soldiers setting up for attack, I am just coming over here to read this post so I will laugh!

Now, go write!

 
At 10:24 AM, Blogger Patti said...

there are so many delicious parts to this entry, but as you may have guessed i'm partial to the food...and the threat you made to kick both thier asses...and then the tiolet papaer....oh goodness me...so many delicious things.

 
At 11:23 AM, Blogger Beth said...

You and Manic are going to get arrested one of these days!

and that buger looks yummy...I had garlic fries with shaved parmesan at applebee's...the BEST I have ever had in my whole entire life.

Swish!!!! YOU ARE SO FREAKIN CUTE!!!! And I love your laugh! and you ARE blonde!!! I love my swishy!!!!

you ears look great, you big sissy! ;)

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger Andie said...

OMG! the toilet paper is a trip!

and yeah, I got my ears pierced when I turned 10. It was like my rite of passage or something...

oh, and garlic fries... have you ever had fries at Gordon Biersch? OMG so delicious.

 
At 12:59 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

HA HA HA. I WAS fingering my balls! I am laughing so hard, and I can imagine you laughing, and it's making me laugh even harder .... ha ha ha.

BETH! YOU ROCK! You are so nice. You always, always make me smile!

Andie! That's exactly where we went! You would have loved them, Patti. Those fries were sooooo good!

 
At 1:11 PM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

You guys are too funny - the blog world rejoices when you get together :) Honestly, it's like we have our own sitcom-in-progress whenever you travel to her neck of the woods.

I extra love that she sent you tp...

 
At 2:22 PM, Blogger Lainey-Paney said...

You & Manic....

...y'all are like a force to be reckoned with!

:)

 
At 3:43 PM, Blogger Croaker said...

So I saw the video and you look like you handled the pain very well. I think I actually strained a muscle in my neck leaning over to watch it though.

 
At 3:57 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

I'm speechless. There isn't enough air in this room to start laughing..so I'm just gonna slink out the way I came in until you two have been seperated for awhile. The whole mall is probably still traumitized, if they even knew what hit them.

 
At 4:55 PM, Blogger Travis Erwin said...

Sometimes even the best of your frineds can be a pain in the ass huh?

Love that toilet paper.

 
At 5:26 PM, Blogger Andie said...

HA! Great minds think alike! I love their fries.

Brad Pitt was spotted at the Gordon Biersch out here a while ago, when he and Angelina moved here.

 
At 6:21 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Garlic french fries are way better than making out with random boys. Usually, anyway.

I can't wait to see the video at Manic's. And LOL on the toilet paper!

 
At 2:29 AM, Blogger Eileen said...

You and Manic together make me laugh so much. When you two get together you must laugh nonstop. How lucky for both of you to have each other for BBFF!!!
Totally understand about needing substance before the ear piercing. The toilet paper was too funny.
Have a great week.

 
At 2:48 PM, Anonymous Eileen said...

I laughed out loud when I read this. You two together are a force to be dealt with.

 
At 5:50 PM, Blogger Shauna said...

I almost peed laughing soooo hard!

Great toilet paper!! Now there's a good friend!

Fingering your balls!!! ROFLOL!

 
At 12:20 AM, Blogger The Franchise said...

If only you had read my post sooner you could have punched those kids in the face, so close. Please don't punch babies as some sort of homage to me.

 
At 4:45 PM, Blogger Kari Lee Townsend said...

OMG you two crack me up!! You don't need nationals, you have each other. But we want to meet you too!!! Sounds like you had a blast!!!

 
At 6:31 PM, Blogger XYZinn said...

Dude, that burger and fries looks so freakin' good right now!! Oh, and thanks for not mentioning your phone call with me. Good friend you are!! :)

 
At 6:42 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

I told Manic the other day that I was totally forgetting something and I couldn't remember what it was! HA HA. For real!

 
At 7:26 PM, Blogger Golightly said...

I'm so loving this post right now! Those damn crazy kids nowadays - that was like, whoa. Yum that burger looks so damn good. Hilarious video - the best part is your reaction to Manic telling you she videotaped it - classic. Love it. And you're so super cute. My girlcrush on you has just been upped a lot ;)

 
At 12:19 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

Oh, my gosh, Golightly, you are so my best friend right now. THANK YOU!

 
At 8:25 AM, Blogger roeyourboat said...

I always say to myself...self, get your last meal in before the diet starts tomorrow and then a month later....

 

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