I bought myself a present today
It's cute, right? I went to the Hallmark store to get a card, and I thought it was cute, so I got it. (Side note: Hallmark has this new line of the most awesome cards EVER! They're cute, stylish little cards ... with TV QUOTES ON THEM! Including three Grey's Anatomy ones. I wanted to buy every single one of them. They were awesome.)
So anyway. Cute mug, huh? Inspiring, right?
Well, not THAT inspiring.
I almost lived boldly tonight. I almost took a risk. But I finally decided that some risks just aren't worth taking.
Did I almost jump in the car and head for Mexico? Did I nearly make mad, passionate love to a sexy stranger? Did I flirt with getting a tattoo of George Clooney in some unmentionable place? Oh, no.
I almost went a night with no toilet paper in the house.
I'm an idiot. I NEVER run out of toilet paper. There's a roll in the other bathroom, for one thing, plus an extra roll under the sink in the other bathroom. So if I run out in my bathroom, I just grab a roll from the other bathroom and then replace it later.
Well ... I did that. Twice. And then I forgot to replace them. So tonight, I'm talking to my friends and getting ready to go home after dinner, and I'm like, "Ughh. I totally have to stop at the grocery store to get toilet paper." They laugh, and I leave. Ten minutes later I'm in the grocery store, buying yogurt and eggs and chocolate chips. I go home, unpack the groceries and--
Ohhhhh, shit. Shit! No toilet paper. I totally forgot to get it. After saying OUT LOUD 10 minutes earlier that I had to get some. After making the trip FOR THAT VERY REASON. Of COURSE, after all that, I forgot to get it.
OK, at this point it's like 10:45. I'm tired, I haven't been home all night. The LAST thing I want to do is get back in the car and drive to the grocery store for a freaking four-pack of Charmin. So I start strategizing.
Option No. 1: Hold it until I go to work tomorrow. (But won't I get a bladder infection? And what if, um, some leaks out?) Option No. 2: Use a paper towel. (But won't that clog my toilet? And, you know, chafe?) Option No. 3: Find some Kleenex and use that. (Good idea until I realize there is no Kleenex.) Option No. 4: Pretend I'm four years old and pee in the shower tomorrow morning and then throw bleach in the tub as soon as I'm done.
I know. It's disgusting. I KNOW! But is it really THAT horrible? It is SO WRONG that Option No. 4 was starting to look so appealing in the absence of any better alternatives?
All right, FINE. It is. So off to the grocery store I went. I suppose I will have to live dangerously in other ways.
So sad. I mean, really.