Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Driver's ed

Guess who I (as in "iiiiiiiiii") saw tonight? My BBFF Manic! Are you jealous? You should be because Manic is soooo fun and Manic and Swishy together is like SUPER fun! There will be stories ... oh, yes, there will be stories!

In the meantime, I'm going to tell you my car rental story because it was so ridiculous and the only thing that kept me from rolling my eyes right out of my head was the thought that I could blog about it later.

So I walk up to the counter and I get this blonde girl named Traci. She finds my reservation, she goes to pull the car around ... so far, so good.

And then she reappears, minus a car. "Um," she says, "I'm confused."

The manager asks her what's up. "The key says it's to a black Saturn, but there's only a silver one back there," she says.

Manager: "Did you try it to see if it worked?"
Traci: "Well, yeah."
Manager: "And did it?"
Traci: "Well ... yeah."
Manager: "OK, so give it to her, and we'll fix the label on the key later."

Traci disappears. Within seconds, we hear a vacuum start up.

Manager, to other employee: "What the HELL is she doing back there?"
Employee (sighs): "I'll go check."

Other employee disappears.

Manager, under her breath: "She's not exactly the brightest one."

Seconds later, the vacuum stops. Employee comes back. "OK, she'll have the car up front in just a second."

Manager: "She does that all the time. I'll finish vacuuming a car, and five minutes later she's back there vacuuming it again." Pause. "OK, I feel bad. I shouldn't have said that."

Me: Nervous laughter.

Minutes tick by. There's no sign of Traci OR the Saturn.

Manager, to other employee: "Will you PLEASE go check on her?"

Other employee sighs again: "It's hard work being the smartest person here." He disappears.

Manager, to me: "I know we sound mean. I know we do. I'm sorry. But seriously, isn't there one in every office? The one who just has rocks for brains? She's ours. I would LOVE to meet the person who hired her. I swear I have no idea what they were thinking."

At long last, I see my car. I meet her outside, and we do the little walkaround. She stops at the gas tank. "OK, this is where you put the gas. You open it like this (demonstrates) and then close it like this (demonstrates). Don't worry about putting that expensive gas in there or anything--the regular stuff is fine. Do you want to try it?"

Granted, I didn't pump gas until college. But college was a LONG time ago and I've pumped a LOT of gas since then. I assure her that I've got it.

Her: "OK, let's get in the car. You sit in the driver's seat, I'll sit in the passenger seat."
Me: "Umm ... all right."
Her: "OK, now, this is the radio. You turn it on like this (demonstrates) and change the stations like this (demonstrates). And this is your blinker. You do a right arrow like this (demonstrates) and a left one--"
Me: "Actually, you know what? I rented a car just like this a few weeks ago on a work trip. That one was even silver, too! So I think I'm OK."
Her (leaning back against the seat): "I'm so tired. I totally want to go to the pool. I swear I'm going as soon as I'm done with work."
Me: (awkward silence)
Her: "OK, so anyway. This? This is for the windshield wipers. They go on just like this (demonstrates)."

(This goes on for several minutes.)

Her: "Finally, we offer this great coverage, where if you get in an accident, you don't have to pay a deductible or anything--we'll take care of the whole thing."
Me: "I think I'm going to pass, but thank you."
Her: "I really don't think you want to do that. What if someone sideswipes you? What if you rear-end someone?"
Me: "Well, I mean, my credit card has coverage ... I'm just going to decline, if that's OK."
Her: "I'm serious. I really think you should at least get the basic coverage."

And on and on, until finally she relinquishes the clipboard: "Fine, if that's what you want. When you sign that, you're acknowledging that I've told you all about the insurance. And when you say you 'acknowledge' it, it means you understand."

And here I thought it meant ... well, I don't know WHAT I thought it meant! But now I know!

I swear the whole thing took almost 45 minutes. Serenity, serenity, serenity now.

13 Comments:

At 3:06 AM, Blogger Shauna said...

LOL! That is tooo funny! Although, you did try to rent a car on Friday the 13th!!! ;-)

 
At 8:18 AM, Blogger simonsays said...

Ha ha ha .... I think the manager was right, there really IS one in every place of employment....good story!

 
At 11:57 AM, Blogger Jenster said...

Yup. One in every bunch. Lucky you, you got her!!

I hope you're having fun. You girls totally cracked me up last night!! That phone call was one of the bestest surprised in my LIFE!

 
At 11:59 AM, Blogger Dan said...

Yeah, but was she hot?

 
At 12:59 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

OK, you HAVE GOT TO BE LYING!!!

I just saw you! Why couldn't you tell me that when I saw you!!

Diva just came in and said, "Mom are you crying" cuz I AM LAUGHING SOOOO FREAKING HARD ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW!

I think you made that all up but it's sooo funny!

You are the best!!!

 
At 1:05 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

It is NOT MADE UP!! I promise!!! Remember, I was like, it took me FOREVER?!?! I totally thought I told you! Ha ha ha ha ha.

 
At 2:25 PM, Anonymous Kristabella said...

I am impressed. I would have kicked her out of the car and gunned it right out of there.

Or punched her in the face. Something! Someone that stupid needs to be punched. Or kicked.

 
At 7:00 PM, Blogger Golightly said...

hilarious - wow you have some serious patience I'd have kicked her when she explained the gas tank to me. Hope you two have mad fun & cannot wait to hear the stories!

 
At 8:01 AM, Blogger cubmommy said...

OMG, this is so funny. I nearly fell off the chair laughing. You have more patience and kindness then I do.

 
At 9:03 AM, Blogger Beth said...

OMG! that is too funny! Swish, these things only happen to you!

 
At 5:58 PM, Blogger ORION said...

That has GOT to be the FUNNIEST car rental story I EVER heard (anyone remember the one on Seinfeld???)

I totally thing my next novel will take place in a car rental place...

 
At 12:42 AM, Blogger Eileen said...

I thought this was the funniest experience!! I could not stop laughing. Of all the car rental places in the world, and you end up with this one. Sounds like a Saturday Night Live scene!!

 
At 12:20 PM, Blogger Andie said...

I would have totally lost it. I'm so impatient with people that aren't all that bright.... that's why I didn't wind up becoming a teacher like I had originally planned.

you are definitely nicer than me!

 

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