Guess who I (as in "iiiiiiiiii") saw tonight? My BBFF Manic! Are you jealous? You should be because Manic is soooo fun and Manic and Swishy together is like SUPER fun! There will be stories ... oh, yes, there will be stories!
In the meantime, I'm going to tell you my car rental story because it was so ridiculous and the only thing that kept me from rolling my eyes right out of my head was the thought that I could blog about it later.
So I walk up to the counter and I get this blonde girl named Traci. She finds my reservation, she goes to pull the car around ... so far, so good.
And then she reappears, minus a car. "Um," she says, "I'm confused."
The manager asks her what's up. "The key says it's to a black Saturn, but there's only a silver one back there," she says.
Manager: "Did you try it to see if it worked?"
Traci: "Well, yeah."
Manager: "And did it?"
Traci: "Well ... yeah."
Manager: "OK, so give it to her, and we'll fix the label on the key later."
Traci disappears. Within seconds, we hear a vacuum start up.
Manager, to other employee: "What the HELL is she doing back there?"
Employee (sighs): "I'll go check."
Other employee disappears.
Manager, under her breath: "She's not exactly the brightest one."
Seconds later, the vacuum stops. Employee comes back. "OK, she'll have the car up front in just a second."
Manager: "She does that all the time. I'll finish vacuuming a car, and five minutes later she's back there vacuuming it again." Pause. "OK, I feel bad. I shouldn't have said that."
Me: Nervous laughter.
Minutes tick by. There's no sign of Traci OR the Saturn.
Manager, to other employee: "Will you PLEASE go check on her?"
Other employee sighs again: "It's hard work being the smartest person here." He disappears.
Manager, to me: "I know we sound mean. I know we do. I'm sorry. But seriously, isn't there one in every office? The one who just has rocks for brains? She's ours. I would LOVE to meet the person who hired her. I swear I have no idea what they were thinking."
At long last, I see my car. I meet her outside, and we do the little walkaround. She stops at the gas tank. "OK, this is where you put the gas. You open it like this (demonstrates) and then close it like this (demonstrates). Don't worry about putting that expensive gas in there or anything--the regular stuff is fine. Do you want to try it?"
Granted, I didn't pump gas until college. But college was a LONG time ago and I've pumped a LOT of gas since then. I assure her that I've got it.
Her: "OK, let's get in the car. You sit in the driver's seat, I'll sit in the passenger seat."
Me: "Umm ... all right."
Her: "OK, now, this is the radio. You turn it on like this (demonstrates) and change the stations like this (demonstrates). And this is your blinker. You do a right arrow like this (demonstrates) and a left one--"
Me: "Actually, you know what? I rented a car just like this a few weeks ago on a work trip. That one was even silver, too! So I think I'm OK."
Her (leaning back against the seat): "I'm so tired. I totally want to go to the pool. I swear I'm going as soon as I'm done with work."
Me: (awkward silence)
Her: "OK, so anyway. This? This is for the windshield wipers. They go on just like this (demonstrates)."
(This goes on for several minutes.)
Her: "Finally, we offer this great coverage, where if you get in an accident, you don't have to pay a deductible or anything--we'll take care of the whole thing."
Me: "I think I'm going to pass, but thank you."
Her: "I really don't think you want to do that. What if someone sideswipes you? What if you rear-end someone?"
Me: "Well, I mean, my credit card has coverage ... I'm just going to decline, if that's OK."
Her: "I'm serious. I really think you should at least get the basic coverage."
And on and on, until finally she relinquishes the clipboard: "Fine, if that's what you want. When you sign that, you're acknowledging that I've told you all about the insurance. And when you say you 'acknowledge' it, it means you understand."
And here I thought it meant ... well, I don't know WHAT I thought it meant! But now I know!
I swear the whole thing took almost 45 minutes. Serenity, serenity, serenity now.