Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Mile-high foreplay

So I'm on a trip for work. I get on the plane, finish reading USA Today, and lean back and shut my eyes until I can turn on one of my many portable electronic devices. Something about having my eyes shut must have made my ears perk up, because suddenly all I can hear is the conversation behind me.

Him: So where did you go to college?
Her: The University of Michigan. It's a little school in Ann Arbor.
Him: Ha ha. I thought about going to grad school there.
Her: Oh, you went to grad school?
Him: At USC.
Her (accompanied by the sound of her eyebrows shooting in the air): OHHHHHH.

I turn and peek through the seat. A man in the window seat, a woman in the aisle seat, both in their 40s.

Her: So do you do a lot of traveling?
Him: Blah blah ... I have a $3 million business ... blah blah ... my brother's my partner, he's in Spain right now ... blah blah ... what do you do?

She starts talking about her job. It's not that interesting. I feel like I'm going to fall asleep.

I do fall asleep.

I wake up. They're still chatting away.

Her: I do yoga sometimes. It makes me, you know, more flexible.
Him: Ooh, I bet that's nice.
Her (giggles): Yeah. So, um, what kind of things you do?
Him: I spin, I go swimming, I do the elliptical. (Swishy note: He has the body of a 12-year-old boy.) I'm not a very good swimmer, though.

I peek through the seat some more. The woman sees me and turns bright red. I move my head around to pretend like I was just stretching, and yes, it's as impressively deceptive as it sounds.

Him: I hurt my left rotator cuff once.
Her: I hurt my right rotator cuff!

Her: I was supposed to be on a later flight.
Him: I was trying to get on an earlier flight!

Him: I can help you with (unintelligible).
Her: (giggles)
Him: But don't give me a hard time if I can't deliver on my promises ...
Her: (giggles as they begin to walk off the plane together)

They are SO having sex right now.


At 9:46 AM, Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

I do the same "I was just looking at something behind you" move. I know it doesn't work, but I still do it every time.

At 9:52 AM, Blogger Senor Beavis said...

Is "the body of a 12-year-old boy" supposed to be a compliment, a non-compliment, or a neutral observation.

That's actually how one of my old neighbors met her husband, on a flight to Chicago from DC, where he lived. He eventually moved here (because Chicago's better than DC, trust me, I'm from the DC area) and they got married.

At 11:44 AM, Blogger Patti said...

nothing like a great overheard conversation...you should have yelled after them, "be safe now!"

At 12:12 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

I wish I could make these letters in a larger font size so you could see how loud and hard I am laughing:


At 1:24 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Who needs in-flight entertainment?? LOL!!

At 7:40 PM, Blogger Drew Blackstone said...

Grad school? They sound like 10th graders. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

At 7:53 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

ahhh "love is in the air" literally.

At 7:59 PM, Blogger XYZinn said...

It is so hard not to listen to people's conversations on the plane. I love eavesdropping!

At 12:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

holy crap! they are so doing it

At 12:13 PM, Blogger Monnik said...

That's so funny - I heard a similar conversation on my last business trip. It amazes me when people hook up like that!

I'm the most anti-social traveler ever. iPod, book to read, and pillow to fake sleep. No talking unless the plane's going down and I need help with the oxygen mask or the flotation device.

At 3:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was he at least cute? I don't know if having the body of a twelve year old boy is such a good thing.

At 11:40 PM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

Swishy - That was YOU in front of us?

At 1:42 AM, Blogger Swishy said...

Ha ha ha ...

On the way back, these drunk golfing buddies were totally trying to hit on the (old!) flight attendant. Must have been something in the air. (Look at me, with the unintentional puns!)

Having the body of a 12-year-old is good if you like to have sex with 12-year-olds. Otherwise, not so much.

At 10:25 AM, Blogger Beth said...

they are so doing it!!! I hope it was good and they used a condom!!

At 9:45 PM, Blogger Allison Winn Scotch said...

LOL, swishy! I have nothing interesting to add other than this cracked me up.

At 2:21 PM, Blogger Andie said...



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