Riddle me this: Why, oh WHY, do people go through the self-checkout lane when they don't know how to use the self-checkout?
I stopped by Walmart for contact solution on my way home from the gym tonight. Contact solution. That's it. There were, like, two checkout lines open and then the self-checkout line. I got in the self-checkout line. BIG MISTAKE. You know those people who always look like they're using the ATM for the first time? Like, carefully reading over the screen, as if it's somehow going to change from the previous 1,285 times they used it? That's what this was like. IT'S NOT THAT HARD. You swipe your stuff, you throw it in the bag, you run your card through the reader, you're done.
Ohhhh, but were these people having a hard time. It was making me CRAZY! I had to physically restrain myself from going up and just taking over. A few helpful tips: The bar code's usually on the bottom. You don't have to drag it across the thing 10 times; in fact, you don't have to touch the thing at ALL, you just have to wave it in front of the little red line. Also, if you want everyone else in line to begin plotting your murder, take a wad of crumpled cash out of your pocket and try to smooth it out a billion times before slowwwwwwly feeding the bills, one by one, into the slot. (One was a teenage girl, so I guess I give her a pass. Everyone else? DEBIT CARDS ARE YOUR FRIEND!)
So I'm stuck in line FOREVER. Truly, forever. Meanwhile, this guy starts edging in on me. Every time I take a step forward, he wedges his cart in front of me another couple of inches. When I'm three people away, the person at the checkout takes her receipt, and he makes his move, bolting to the VERY FRONT OF THE LINE!
OK, seriously, who does that? Really? I mean, REALLY. I was going to say something to him, but I was like, whatever, I don't even care, and besides, karma will take care of him when someone runs him over in the parking lot with their cart. Or, fine, dings his car. Whatever.
I DID, however, get all passive-aggressive and start talking about him so he could hear me. I was on the phone with my sister, and I was like, "This guy totally just cut in line. Apparently he's too important to wait like the rest of us ..." and blah blah blah. The lady in front of me, who'd traded incredulous looks with me when he did it, started giggling. He ignored me, which made her giggle harder.
For the record, once I finally got up there, I checked out in like 30 seconds. Maybe even 29.