Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Pet peeve

Riddle me this: Why, oh WHY, do people go through the self-checkout lane when they don't know how to use the self-checkout?

I stopped by Walmart for contact solution on my way home from the gym tonight. Contact solution. That's it. There were, like, two checkout lines open and then the self-checkout line. I got in the self-checkout line. BIG MISTAKE. You know those people who always look like they're using the ATM for the first time? Like, carefully reading over the screen, as if it's somehow going to change from the previous 1,285 times they used it? That's what this was like. IT'S NOT THAT HARD. You swipe your stuff, you throw it in the bag, you run your card through the reader, you're done.

Ohhhh, but were these people having a hard time. It was making me CRAZY! I had to physically restrain myself from going up and just taking over. A few helpful tips: The bar code's usually on the bottom. You don't have to drag it across the thing 10 times; in fact, you don't have to touch the thing at ALL, you just have to wave it in front of the little red line. Also, if you want everyone else in line to begin plotting your murder, take a wad of crumpled cash out of your pocket and try to smooth it out a billion times before slowwwwwwly feeding the bills, one by one, into the slot. (One was a teenage girl, so I guess I give her a pass. Everyone else? DEBIT CARDS ARE YOUR FRIEND!)

So I'm stuck in line FOREVER. Truly, forever. Meanwhile, this guy starts edging in on me. Every time I take a step forward, he wedges his cart in front of me another couple of inches. When I'm three people away, the person at the checkout takes her receipt, and he makes his move, bolting to the VERY FRONT OF THE LINE!

OK, seriously, who does that? Really? I mean, REALLY. I was going to say something to him, but I was like, whatever, I don't even care, and besides, karma will take care of him when someone runs him over in the parking lot with their cart. Or, fine, dings his car. Whatever.

I DID, however, get all passive-aggressive and start talking about him so he could hear me. I was on the phone with my sister, and I was like, "This guy totally just cut in line. Apparently he's too important to wait like the rest of us ..." and blah blah blah. The lady in front of me, who'd traded incredulous looks with me when he did it, started giggling. He ignored me, which made her giggle harder.

For the record, once I finally got up there, I checked out in like 30 seconds. Maybe even 29.

21 Comments:

At 8:50 AM, Blogger Trish said...

Ahahaha that is too funny...*snort* I can just picture our very own Swishy of Blogland going all Kill Bill on this guy. He'd never know what hit him!

What I hate about these stores is that they only have like one or two lanes open which always seem to be clogged up with people that go s.l.o.w...*grrrr*

 
At 10:49 AM, Blogger Patti said...

whew, i am glad that i never, ever, use the self check out...yep, i am one of those people. i think that if i use that self checkout voodoo that i better be getting a 10% discount for doing their job, or at the very least signed up for health insurance. something. i eman come on, look at the grief you went thru...you deserve a discount or a gianormous slurpee...just something. that's all i'm saying.

 
At 11:45 AM, Blogger Jenster said...

This post was painful to read because that's who I ALWAYS get behind!

And the line cutter?? Jerk!

 
At 12:28 PM, Blogger Beth said...

I like to use the self check out at the grocery store...it's jusst faster. so one day, I'm checking out and this guy comes up behind me...doesn't know how to use the thing. so why are you in THIS line then?!! So, me being the very nice person that I am, I helped him...and he offered me a job! selling advertising at his newspaper! LOL!

 
At 12:30 PM, Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

That always pisses me off. People get to the register and then have to ask someone how to use it, first of all how sinple can it be? Secondly? Go on a regular line.

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger Dan said...

The nerve of some people.

 
At 12:54 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

Last night was girl's night out. I took out hubby's car. We were in Naperville, probably THE SAME parking lot we parked when you and I were there (In fact, we stopped by Potter's too!). In the garage, I was waiting for a spot. Another car was waiting before me but that car was WAAAAY down the lane and the person pulling out was right next to me. I know all about car etiquette (but not how to spell ettiquette) so I wasn't going to go all up in their face and take the spot they had been waiting for longer than I had. But. THE GIRL GETS OUT OF THE CAR AND RUNS OVER TO THE SPOT THAT IS LEAVING AND STANDS NEXT TO IT! In her little Daisy Duke dress, all protective of THE PARKING SPOT.

This annoyed me. What was she going to do, stand in front of my car and physically prevent me from ramming into her taking the spot, that surely, I could have had if I wanted it bad enough.

I roll down my window, and Swishy, you know me. I am not mean or spiteful AT ALL.

I say, "Sweetie, don't worry, I wasn't going to take that spot."

I CALLED HER SWEETIE!

She said, "Oh I know, I was just standing here just in case."

WTF?!?!?

I smile and drive away and they take the spot.

I pull around to the other lane and there is a partial-ding-free spot and the end which is good cuz I have Mr. Manic's car. I pull in, and the stupid little girl and her boyfriend are walking by me right when I get out of the car.

I said, "See! We all got good spots! Isn't that great! Have a good night!"

She said have a good night too. This reminds me once in Ann Landers (do you all know Ann Landers and Dear Abby or are you too young for that?), when she said if someone cuts you off in your car or honks the horn, or gets mad or road-ragey on you, you should not flip them off or yell back. Just smile at them like they totally made your day. In fact, when this happens to me, I usually blow a Manic Kiss their way!

And what up with da snake?

 
At 2:10 PM, Blogger XYZinn said...

Oohhh...I so despise those people. And don't you hate it when you ring something up and is says, "please wait for the cashier." So annoying.
Manic, that story reminds me of Fried Green Tomatoes when Kathy Bates gets so mad at the young girls that steal her parking spot, so she rams her car in to theirs serveral times.

 
At 3:25 PM, Anonymous Kristabella said...

Oh that's a total pet peeve of mine too! I think we were separated at birth or something.

I've started avoiding the self-checkout for this reason. It's like they have stupid people homing devices built in to them.

Or maybe they emit a high pitched squeal that only idiots can hear.

 
At 7:53 PM, Blogger Eileen said...

Once someone cut in front of me in line and I yelled out "woo-hoo I can see you. The rest of us standing here are not your imaginary friends. We're in LINE." He then slunk back. It made me feel good all day

 
At 7:55 PM, Blogger XYZinn said...

P.S. I love how you said "riddle me this."

 
At 8:50 AM, Blogger Karen said...

I know exactly what you mean. I like to think that karma will kick that guy's ass - and people like him. I love the passive-aggressive approach. Very nice.

Hope you're well. Just stopping by to say hello.

 
At 10:18 AM, Blogger Patti said...

i am soo adding you to my blogroll...party's at my place...bring the snake!

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

The whole manic family is sitting in my office viewing your snake photos and hoping for an update!

 
At 12:53 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

They're insane, huh?! No snake update. It rained yesterday so he was in hiding. But my friend dropped something off at my place Thursday and saw him in the parking lot!

 
At 2:57 PM, Blogger Travis Erwin said...

karma indeed,

He could wake up one morning to find a snake in bed beside him.

 
At 10:06 PM, Blogger Andie said...

I had a similar experience a while ago. I was in the self checkout at the grocery, and I wasn't done bagging my stuff and some stupid redneck starting pushing his milwaukee's best down the belt and squished my bread before I could even finish bagging my one loaf of bread and bottle of wine. asshat. My point is, even with me doing a 1 minute checkout, this asshat was that more impatient. and then the mofo was one of those freaking people that couldn't work the debit card machine. for the love....

sorry for the rant. I just hate idiots in the self checkout.

 
At 4:54 PM, Blogger Frannie Farmer said...

As a mom, I loathe the self checkouts ... my kids can turn it into an all day project. It never (EVER) fails that we get the load flashing light that requires a clerk to come over and *help* us!
I have tried to avoid stores that have them ... but now even our library has a self checkout terminal ... grrrr!

 
At 6:44 PM, Blogger Sara Hantz said...

What a jerk!

I hate supermarket queues. And I also hate the checkout girls who start to ask me about my shopping. Like... want to know why I'm buying so many of a certain item. Mind your own f@#%ing business! Or say things about the price of something I'm buying......

I have a mental list of which checkouts I won't go through if particular girls are on - not just the ones who want to know about my shopping, but the ones who chat to their friends, or who pack things in such a way the bag breaks... my list is very long. Sometimes it's hard to find a checkout to go through hahahahaha.... hmmm do I have issues????

 
At 11:57 AM, Blogger Lainey-Paney said...

See...this is when my super power would come in handy.
I've always had a secret desire to have the super power to deflate peoples tires.
I'd flatten all four of his.

How's THAT for passive aggressive?
A-HOLE!

 
At 11:11 PM, Blogger Eileen said...

That happens to me every time especially at Home Depot or Sams. Drives me crazy too! Course, we also have the times where the machine reads, see cashier. WTF??? If I wanted to see the cashier I would have gone through the other line? I swear it wasn't me, she said, "oh, this one keeps acting up tonight." Gotta love technology!!! Have a good one, thanks for the laugh.

 

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