Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Monday, May 21, 2007

I don't even know who I am anymore

Me, on the phone with my music-loving friend:

Me: So I was driving home last night, and I hear this song on the radio.
Her: Yeah?
Me: I hear it all the time, and I like it ... but I NEVER REALIZED WHO SINGS IT until last night!
Her: What song?
Me: It's, like, embarrassing. I've liked it forever and I did NOT realize who sang it. I CANNOT believe I like a song by this band. I cannot, cannot, CANNOT. I feel like the world is about to fall off its axis or something.
Me: Guess. Think TOTALLY embarrassing.
Her: Hmmm ... Nickelback?
Me (I hate Nickelback): Ooh! Yeah, that would be a good one. But, no, that's not it. OK, it's, like, a 93.3 band (the alternative station where I live). You wouldn't hear it on any of the top 40 stations.
Her: WHO? WHO?
Me (deep breath, then I say it really fast): 30 Seconds to Mars.
Her (processing): Wait ... 30 Seconds to Mars?
Me: I KNOW!!!!
(Cue ensuing freakout on my part.)

In case you don't know, 30 Seconds to Mars is the band fronted by the guyliner-wearing actor formerly known as Jordan Catalano. I've mentioned before how I feel about Jared Leto's music career. I know that song From Yesterday (the freaky video they have on an endless loop after 2 a.m. on VH1). That, along with the fact that Jared Leto tries to use the whole "I'm a disaffected rock star" thing to get in 19-year-old starlets' thongs, is all I care to know. Which is my excuse for not knowing that the song The Kill, which was released, like, a freaking year or more ago and got all these awards and stuff, was by them. Because I automatically tune out everything 30 Seconds to Mars.

OK, but back to the song. Seriously, I could not HANDLE this piece of information. When I see Jared Leto with his monochromatic outfits and artfully smudged eyeliner and shellacked bangs, I want to hurl. So I went to listen to the song again today, just to prove to myself that I didn't REALLY like it. Because I could not POSSIBLY like a song written and/or sung by Jared Leto. I was really sure once I heard it again, I would be like, blechh, and need to immediately cleanse my musical palate with another guyliner-wearing dude, like Brandon Flowers or something.

I was wrong. As a matter of fact, I love it, or at least parts of it. Like, the part where he sings, "You say you wanted more/What are you waiting for/I'm not running from you"? That part? I would maybe make out with him if he sang that in front of me, just because I love it so much and he kinda sounds hot singing it.

GAHHHHH. I can't believe I seriously just said that. I need to change the subject now.

* OK, speaking of music, this is a totally horrible story that I haven't even told Manic yet. So my lovely BBFF Manic sent me TWO CDs in the mail, and I was so super excited, and I loved them and listened to them all the time. Well, I was listening to the one while I was getting ready, and then I was like, I want to listen to it some more in the car. So I carry my crapload of crap out to the car and put my CD on the roof while I get everything else situated on the passenger seat.

You can guess the rest, can't you? Of course you can. But just in case: I DROVE OFF WITH THE CD ON THE ROOF! I have never, ever, EVER done anything like that before. I'm so pissed off about it! I looked for it when I got home, but it was dark. I'm hoping for a Manic Miracle, that I'll walk out and just magically see it unharmed. Some punkass kid BETTER not be listening to my Manic mix right now. For real.

* And finally, speaking of cars. Do you ever see shoes just sort of lying randomly on the side of the road, and think, how'd that shoe get there? And why is there only one? I think that ALL the TIME. I used to count the shoes on the way to my old office, and I swear there would be like a half-dozen and it was only a five-mile drive. And then I'd make up sick stories about how they got there. (Yes, I realize my need to be entertained in the car is an issue.)

Anyway. So the other day, I'm leaving my coffee shop. I'm waiting at the stop sign to get onto the main road, and this SUV drives by with this adorable little blonde girl in the backseat. She's maybe 2. They're stopped for a second in traffic right in front of me, and all of a sudden, the little girl gets this wicked, wicked grin on her face. She reaches down, pulls off her little pink Croc and CHUCKS IT OUT THE WINDOW INTO THE ROAD! I was laughing so hard. Her mom was COMPLETELY oblivious. I could just imagine them getting home, and her mom going nuts, wondering where the HELL the other pink shoe was.

I guess if I were a really nice person, I would have jumped out of the car and risked my life to rescue and deliver the shoe. Instead, I just took a picture:

Now I know why there are shoes on the side of the road.


At 6:54 AM, Blogger Beth said...

ah Swishy...you make my day.

Jared Leto. Can't stand him but I LOVE 30 Seconds to Mars! I don't WANT to like them but I do. My kid blasts the music in my house all the time....I'm singing along and lovin it, right?..so he goes to their concert and comes home, twlling me about it.
"Jared Leto dived into the mosh pit and surfed over everybody..it was so cool.."

What the heck was Jared Leto doing at a 30 seconds to mars concert?"

"Mom, he's like the lead singer."


now, I still like them but I HATE him. I don't know why,,,,maybe cuz of all the reasons you said.

and hey, be thankful you didn't leave you baby, in his car seat, on the roof of your car....not that I ever did that or anything.

At 8:57 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

No. Freaking. Way.

First of all, I am totally, totally cracking up over the croc, and the whole shoe philosophy, and thinking of what happens to the person with the lost shoe cuz I think really, really weird stuff when I see a lonely shoe. And Tukey is asleep so when I totally, totally crack up it's like this weird internal evil laugh sounding thing, cuz I don't want to bust out cuz I'll wake him, although when he does get up, we're snuggling and watching Oprah in bed -- HIS SUGGESTION, REALLY!

And the CD--OK, now you're going to start Manic Mania for REAL! Everyone will be listening to it, someone's going to find it and send it to a radio station, and they'll say this is Manic's Choice and then everyone will google Manic and I will become FAMOUS!

Because I did write Manic Mommy on the CD, right?

And, guess what, lucky for you... I kept the SWISHY playlist so I Can TOTALLY make you another one! Do I rock, or do I rock. (See, clearly, that was not even a question!)

You have to tell me which one it was? Volume I or II... ha!

And as for the Mars and Jared Leto thing, and Jordan Catalano--first of all, are Jordan and Jared the same person? Second of all, isn't Jordan a dude from some boy band, like New Kids on the Block.

And finally, I want to know from Swishy readers which singers would you make out with while they were singing to you? Here's my list:

Peter Gabriel, even though he's old, fat, gray and grandpoppy now.

Dave Matthews. Any song, and we'd probably get stoned before we made out and he sang, but that's OK by me.

Sorry, have to go with Chris Martin too. Love me some Coldplay songs.

The dude from OAR, whose name I don't even know, nor do I even have a clue what he looks like, but he would sing me Hey Girl and I'd be all over him.

The lead singer of Poi Dog Pondering, Frank Orrall, even though for the longest time I thought he was gay.

Phil Stacey first, then Blake Lewis, and Blake would have to sing a Maroon 5 song or Jamiraquoi.

Hmmm... OH yeah, Gwen Stefani too.

At 8:58 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...


At 9:52 AM, Blogger Jenster said...

This is shaping up to be a pretty good MOnday! THANKS SWISHY!! LMAO!!!

First off, I know what you mean about Jared Leto, but I do like 30 Seconds to Mars, too. I'm telling ya, ignorance really IS bliss!!

I'm sorry about the CD. That's so funny. Then again, you could make buying a gallon of milk at 7-11 funny. :o)

And thank you so much for answering the qeustion about lonely shoes in the street. I always think the worst! I'm cracking up about that little girl. And I'm especially cracking up about you taking a picture!!!

Only you, Swishy...

BTW - my word verification is "wufnkr". If you say it fast it's like you're cussing someone out.

At 10:12 AM, Blogger Senor Beavis said...

Her name is Swishy and she dances on the sand ...

Sorry, that was stuck in my head, which you probably know by now isn't that much of a stretch.

Yeah, I secretly like that song too, which somehow makes me hate him more.

At 11:00 AM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

Hee - that shoe is adorable. Seeing that little girl chuck it out the window would have made my day :)

As for big girls - don't ever make out with men wearing guyliner. It's one of those pearls of wisdom no one mentions because we don't think we need to (just like we don't think we need to tell our four-year-olds not to throw their shoes out the window). So - next time you hear that song and feel like throwing caution to the wind, better to lose a shoe...

At 11:12 AM, Blogger Jenster said...

To answer Manic's question - I'd make out with Jon Bon Jovi whether he was singing to me or not. Preferably not because that would be awkward - kissing and singing all at the same time. I know they make it look easy in the movies, but I'm just not into that.

At 12:58 PM, Blogger Monnik said...

jenster, I'm a huge bon jovi fan too. I'd take Jon or Richie, but of course Jon is way hotter.

The little girl chucking the croc out the window has me giggling. My youngest would totally do that if it weren't for the fact that our van doesn't have windows that roll down by her seat.

At 1:08 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Monnik - That was always the beauty of Bon Jovi. If you were with a friend it was a win/win situation. Richie or Jon - either way you win. Like it ever happened. But I'm just saying, if it DID happen, you know. LOL

At 2:48 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

Your comments are all so awesome! I love it! OK, who would I make out with ... hmmm. I used to totally say I'd make out with Johnny Rzenick (Goo Goo Dolls) because he looked hot with his guitar. I DO NOT think the guy from All-American Rejects is REMOTELY good-looking but I saw him in concert and DAMN can that boy move, so maybe him. Ooh, speaking of which, I can't believe I'm going to say this but ... maybe Justin Timberlake. I AM SO MRS. ROBINSON! ha ha ha.

And my Manic: You DID write Manic Mommy! You will be even famouser now! (And YAYYY you saved the playlist! Cuz that's the ones with the OAR song that's so good! Volume I!!) And yes, Jordan is from New Kids, but this one played a guy named Jordan Catalano on My So-Called Life and all the girls swooned over his pretty eyes.

At 3:06 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

Ok, I'm not THAT old. I do know My So Called Life--Claire Daynes, right?

And I was sooo going to say the singer from Goo Goo Dolls. Did I send you the live cut of Slide on the CD? It rocks.

At 4:29 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

Um *Lenny Kravits* (That's me whispering as I shrink back in self-consciousness)

At 4:29 PM, Blogger Travis Erwin said...

I once took a writing course where one of the assigments was to write a short story about how that lone shoe alongside the road got there.

Being a Texan with slight crimson tinge to my neck I wrote about a cowboy boot in a barditch. That story titled, Barefoot and Busted became my first ever publsihed piece.

At 4:54 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

LENNY! OK, after that video Again where you can see part of his butt? I was like, yes, yes, yes! Since, you know, we're sharing and all. :)

And I love that version of Slide! I LOVE IT! See, it was such a good CD!!

At 5:00 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

whew! Thanks for affirming me, Swishy. He's pretty dang sexy!

And does it make me sound really old when I say my teenage son can play Slide on his guitar? 'cause if it does then I won't say it anymore.

At 5:57 PM, Blogger Patti said...

i am always intrigued about the lone shoe in the road, even going as far as to make up little stories as to why they are there...alone. the little girl is priceless. maybe she has an aversion to pink.

At 6:25 PM, Anonymous Yeah, Kim called the kid a brat said...

Jiminy! I hope Mom straps in the brat's baby sister securely!!

At 6:39 PM, Anonymous Ramblin Rose said...

hmm now I know what happens to my kids shoes!!! LOL

You so crack me up swish ....

Can i be on your blog roll finally?? Please???



At 7:12 PM, Blogger Artemisian said...

The Leto wins over all non-believers eventually. Personally, I love the man and the music, though I can see why people wouldn't like him. But he's right up my I-like-humourous-assholes alley.

At 7:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

HILARIOUS - you just took a picture! Classic.

At 9:11 PM, Blogger cubmommy said...

That is too funny! No shoes missing here but usually one sock loses a partner.

Lenny is good and Jon Bon Jovi is awesome. LL Cool J and Henry Rollins are the top of my list of making out with.

At 11:20 PM, Anonymous Kristabella said...

Too funny!

I seriously wonder the same things about shoes. And would have probably smashed into someone if I saw that happen because I'd be laughing so hard!

OK. I like that song too. It's in my iPod. And NO! I did NOT know that icky Jared Leto sang it. Blech.

(But I'm with you and will still listen and like it. Secretly of course.)

And to answer Manic's question - we're on the same page. Totally Dave Matthews! And Blake Lewis. And JT. And Adam Levine takes the cake.


At 10:57 AM, Blogger Lainey-Paney said...

Ahhh...the 2yo chunking the shoe. Priceless.

This music of which you speak....um, I have no idea who any of them are.

I'll be googling later....

At 11:51 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

Rose! Last time I checked, you weren't blogging anymore!


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