Kiddie voyeurs and other random stuff
So, I go to the mall today to exchange a shirt. (My sister got it for me, and it didn't quite fit right, and I've been meaning to go forever to exchange it and ... this isn't relevant, is it?) ANYWAY. I grab a couple different replacements and go into the fitting room to try them on. I peel off my shirt, go to take one of the contenders off the hanger and ... a head appears under the fitting room door. The head of a little boy, say, maybe 4.
The little boy looks up at me in my bra and jeans. And looks. And looks. I grab the shirt and hold it up against my chest. "Um, hi," I say, loud enough for anyone who might be responsible for him to hear.
"You're not my mom's friend," he says.
"No," I say, "no, I am not."
You'd think he would slide his little head back under the door, out of my fitting room and back to his mommy. No. He lies there and looks at me some more.
"OK," I say more loudly, still holding the shirt to my chest, "nice to meet you."
Finally, FINALLY, I hear the kid's mom. "Joey! Is there someone in there? Get out from under there."
Joey disappears. I hear Joey's mom tell her friend how adorable it is that her pervy little child just ogled a strange lady in her bra for five minutes.
Back in the fitting room, I try on the shirt, decide I don't like it, and then take it off. No kidding, the second--the SECOND--I take off the shirt, Joey's little head reappears.
"Hi," he says.
Children can be gifted in many ways. This one, apparently, is gifted with a radar that tells him when boobs are about to be exposed. "HEL-LO," I say, wayyyy loud so Joey's mom can hear. Nothing. Meanwhile, the kid's lying there, grinning like a freaking Cheshire cat.
"You need to get out," I hiss.
"I'm serious. Go find your mommy."
He continues to grin.
"GO AWAY!" I'm trying to use my scariest "I'm an adult, respect my authority" tone, but it's sort of hard to do when I'm trying to whisper. Not to mention standing in my bra in front of a 4-year-old. Either way, it's clearly not having much of an effect.
At long last, I hear footsteps: "Joey! What did I tell you?" Then, a giggle: "Sorrrrrrry!"
Yeah, we'll see how sorry you are when your son gets arrested in 15 years for being a peeping Tom.
* In other news, I went to yoga this morning. I hadn't been to a yoga class in, like, I don't know, a year? Two? Maybe two. Anyway, I did a handstand. BY MYSELF! If you're wondering whether you should be impressed, the answer is a resounding YES. I also almost did a split, if almost means I was six inches off the ground. Which is almost as impressive.
* I ran into the store today to get something and I saw a display with THIS:
I haven't had one of these since I was, like, five. I had NO IDEA they still made them. And they were on sale! For 78 cents! So you know I had to buy one. Part of me thinks it's way too disgusting to eat; the other part is like, yummmmmmy! Chocolate pudding encased in a sugary, glazed shell! I wonder which part will win.
Actually, I don't wonder at all. Ha ha. If it makes me puke, I'll let you know.