I'm a winner!
So my friend calls me last week and is like, "There's this adult Easter egg hunt next weekend. We should totally go!" OK, do you really think I'm going to turn down little plastic eggs full of sugary goodness? Is the sky blue? Does the sun come up every day? Is George Clooney the human equivalent of a six-foot, two-inch ice cream sundae?
Here's the setup: It's in this huge park after sunset. There are hundreds and hundreds of people there, all bundled up because it's freaking freezing outside, running around in the dark with flashlights looking for plastic eggs. Yes, it is totally as funny as it sounds.
The goal is to find a golden egg, because that's a big-time prize. About 10 minutes in, though, I'm like, please just let me find ANY egg. I am having NO LUCK. I'm also quickly developing a habit of shining my flashlight into people's faces when they walk by, which I realize must be incredibly annoying but I CANNOT STOP DOING IT. I'm trying, but I can't--I HAVE to see people's faces. I'm seconds away from getting my flashlight smashed by someone I've blinded when I stumble on it--a little nest of perfect, pastel-colored eggs. It's an Easter jackpot!
We collect the eggs and press forward, on the hunt for a golden egg. We pass a girl who is proclaiming her fear of porta-potties, a guy who's wearing a hat with lights jutting out on either side of his head (but, curiously, no light in the front), and a couple doing their own searching behind each other's tonsils, but no golden egg. We finally decide to head back and are greeted by this sign:
We go through our eggs (we're limited to 10), and hello ... Swishy has a 90!!!
I'm positively delirious with anticipation as I go to collect my MAJOR AWARD. Will it be some fancy chocolate? Or a gift certificate? Or a ...
Or, you know, a "Here, kitty kitty" T-shirt.
Um ... yeah.