Welcome to Bizarro World
Part 1. I walk into work this morning and I see this at my desk:
There's a chocolate chip cookie cake, too. Which is SUPER nice and SUPER thoughtful except that ... TODAY'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY! Ha ha ha ha. At first I was like, should I pretend it is so they don't feel bad? Should I not say anything? What??? I'm like, "Um ... guys ..." and then everyone starts laughing, because they'd figured it out by the time I stumbled in five give-or-take-a-couple minutes late as usual. It's someone ELSE's birthday today, and they got ours mixed up. It was sooooo funny. I thought it was really sweet--I'm not sure how the other guy felt when he took a piece of cake with my name on it, though. Ha ha.
OK, Part 2. The FREAKY part! So I go to grab a sandwich for lunch. I order my very boring plain turkey on wheat with mustard on the side, which is an unnecessary detail, I suppose, except to demonstrate what a totally basic thing I ordered. I step off to the side to wait. I look around, and I see it: a dollar bill, folded in half, on the ground in front of me.
Several thoughts go through my head:
"Is that mine? No, it's not mine."
"Ooh, a dollar! I want it!"
"No, I can't have it. Someone will see me pick it up and it'll be totally embarrassing."
"I should pick it up and give it to the cashier and tell her someone dropped it."
"Why isn't anyone ELSE picking it up?!?"
Seriously. TONS of people were walking by and looking at it, and NO ONE picked it up. Little kids included. Everyone just sort of looked at it, went, "Huh," and kept walking. Then a guy who works there comes by. He bends down, and I think, "FINALLY! Someone's gonna pick it up!" Instead, he touches it, looks up at me, and says, "I just wanted to make sure it was real since no one was picking it up." Me: "So why don't YOU pick it up?" He looks at me and shakes his head: "I'll just leave it."
By now, this whole thing is starting to get weird. Really weird. For one thing, I've been waiting forever. It does NOT take that long to make a plain turkey sandwich. For another, WHY WON'T ANYONE PICK UP THE DOLLAR BILL? Me included?!?!
And then it gets a whole lot weirder. I hear a voice off to the side: "Pick it up."
I turn, and there's a guy in a black leather jacket perched on a table against the wall. "What?" I say.
"Pick it up."
"YOU pick it up."
He shakes his head. "It's yours."
I laugh. "How do you figure?"
"Because," he says, all matter-of-factly. "Do you ever wish you had more money?"
"Well ... I mean ... yeah. I guess. Doesn't everyone?"
He gives me a look. "Well, there it is. There's your money."
"A dollar?" In my head, I'm seriously like, you've got to be kidding me.
"Just pick it up," he says.
"I'll split it with you," I say. "I'll give you 50 cents."
"Pick it UP already," he says again.
"All right, fine." So I pick it up, and he walks over to me and tells me he's a love and attraction coach, and if I bless the dollar and think of what I wish for right before I spend it, it will come to me.
"I can't keep it," I say.
"You HAVE to," he says. "It's YOURS. It came to YOU."
I look at the dollar. I look at him. I look at the dollar again. "So I have to make sure I spend it on something really special?"
"No," he says. "You just have to make sure you put it back into the world with INTENT."
I look at the dollar again. "I feel like I should buy something meaningful with it or something."
He shrugs. "Buy a lottery ticket."
And then he grabs his food and sashays right past me, but not before leaning in and saying, "Congratulations on your big win!"
I'm not even kidding, it was like something out of a movie. Like he was a ghost and I was the only person who could see him or something. It was SO WEIRD!
But I am still totally going and buying a lottery ticket tonight. How can I not? The jackpot is, like, 370 MILLION FREAKING DOLLARS, too. If I win $370 million, I will give $50,000 to every single person who comments on this post. For real.