Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Karma bites Swishy on her sweet ass

I never call in sick. Ever, ever, ever, EVER. But I was soooo tempted yesterday, so I could watch the Oscars. I usually take a vacation day for them, but I didn't this year, and I was totally regretting it. I was like, no, I can't call in sick. Yes, I can. No, I can't. Yes, I can. No, I ca--I can! And I'm gonna! Before I change my mind again! I didn't have too much to do, so I figured the guilt would be manageable. And I really NEVER call in sick.

(OK, I feel SO scandalous right now, admitting that I called in sick to watch the Oscars. SO SCANDALOUS! You have no idea. I almost want to delete it and write a blog about something else. Ahhhh.)

Anyway, this is where that bitch karma comes in. Literally--LITERALLY--less than a minute after I called in, my vision started getting blurry. I was trying to type an email and the letters started mixing all together, and I was like, ohhhhhhh, shit. Because I know EXACTLY what kind of blurry that is. It's not the kind of blurry you get before you put your contacts in or when you accidentally get something in your eye. It's the kind of blurry you get when a migraine--a freaking MIGRAINE!--is thundering into town. Twenty minutes later, I was in bed with my head buried under the blankets, my eyes squeezed shut and the shades all closed to make the room dark, while I listened to the Law & Order: SVU marathon on volume three for three hours. It downgraded to a headache by the time the Oscars started, but didn't fully go away until--you guessed it--approximately the second the show ended.

I am seriously not making this up. This kind of thing only happens to me, I swear.

Anyway, I thought the Oscars were TOTALLY random. There were major pacing issues, and I didn't think Ellen was very funny. Definitely not as funny as I hoped she would be. Reese Witherspoon was the only one I thought looked drop-dead gorgeous. Oh, Jessica Biel looked pretty good, too, but that's it. Jennifer Hudson? Hated the bat wings (that, thankfully, she took off before the show started). Penelope Cruz? The bottom of her dress looked like a '70s shag carpet. Nicole Kidman? Horrible red bow. And I think Leo DiCaprio is hot, hot, hot, but I was NOT down with the slicked-back hair. I was pretty happy Alan Arkin won. I guess that's it.

In other news, I am staring down a big, nasty bug on my window blinds right now. It's HUGE and it's GROSS and I can't decide how to kill it. It's like Shootout at the Swishy Corral. Neither of us has moved. We're just staring at each other from across the room. This is so not going to end well.


At 7:59 AM, Blogger Jenster said...

Your migraine - coincidence? Or something else???

I agree that the Oscars were less than stellar. We usually make a big party of it, filling out ballots ahead of time, making finger foods, etc. Not this year. My entire family went to bed long before it was over and we had no snacks. It really sucked.

As for killing bugs, I hate that dilema. I mean, depending where they are you have to take the whole squish factor into account. Maybe he'll move to something easily cleanable.

At 9:08 AM, Blogger Karen said...

I can relate to the calling in sick guilt/really getting sick to possibly psychologically punish yourself conundrum. Been there.

I thought the Oscars were pretty slow this year. Frontloading the show with technical awards was a bad idea. Bad.

As far as bugs go, I opt for sucking them up in the vacuum if it looks like they're going to stay put for a while.

At 11:52 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

You have no idea how hard I am laughing right now?

OK, yeah, ya do, because we're IMming one another and I just told you!

You freaking crack me up--how lucky am I do have the most hilarious BBFF!

And I love the fact that neither of us will EVER let another BBFF come between us--yes, there are other BFs, but only one BBFF!

At 2:06 PM, Blogger BeckyD said...

Ok, I hated Jennifer Hudson's bat wings too, but I saw a picture of her with her hands in the pockets of her humongous ass skirt. HELLO!? Just because they put pockets there does not mean you have to cram your hands in them. ARG!

At 2:58 PM, Blogger Andie said...

That always happens to me.... so I totally sympathize!

At 4:11 PM, Blogger Jenster said...

A comment about Jennifer Hudson's dress. She asked the designer for the pockets because she never knows what to do with her hands.

Um, maybe that wasn't such a great idea.

At 8:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hear you on that calling in sick karma - once I did it and the next minute I was hit with unable to walk cramps and it was nowhere near that time of the month. I was in pain all day until it was time to go back to work the next day. And I think I called in sick just so I could shop. Uhm hmm...shop.
Glad you survived.
I think I'm the only one that liked the Oscars - but I agree those bat wings on J.Hud had to GO.

At 11:19 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

She was, like, FALLING into those pockets! Totally agree.

I usually vacuum up bugs, too, but heaven forbid I run my vacuum after 10 p.m. and run the chance of disturbing my neighbors. Grr. I decided to just leave it there. I really, really, REALLY hope it didn't find my bedroom and crawl into my mouth in my sleep. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww. I literally just shuddered.

Manic, you're the bestest BBFF EVER!

At 7:14 AM, Blogger Beth said...

migraines....hate 'em, lothe 'em. But it IS funny that it ended when the oscars were over..;)

I too, thought they were...meh..okay. I didn't even watch the whole thing. Reese looked amazing..(are YOU Reese?;) )and that was about it. Nicole is so skinny...and boring.

Kill that bug!

At 9:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Those are the cutest glasses!!

And don't you dare feel guilty about calling in sick...you so deserve it even if it was for the Oscars. Bummer about the migraine tho'

At 8:41 PM, Blogger Frannie Farmer said...

Is it a migrainer thing? That would soo happen to me.
I only watch the recaps via Youtube .. so I can't really say whether it was good or not. I watched the clip of Ellen on her show the next day and she totally made me cry!

At 6:53 PM, Blogger EE said...

LOL...when I have migraines, I do the same darn thing, right down to the listening to Law and Order!!!
I didn't care for the Oscars this year, but I did enjoy watching Ellen.
Nice blog!


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