Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Friday, December 08, 2006


I've been tagged a few times lately, and I have been woefully remiss in living up to my end of the deal. So I'll do one every day until I catch up ... I think there's four? (See! I told you! WOEFULLY REMISS!) Yeah, four. So you better come back this weekend in between your caroling and shopping and light-wrangling to read 'em!

First up: Six weird things about myself, courtesy of Drew. I don't know about WEIRD, but six things I can do.

1. I adore sticky notes. My desk is LITTERED with sticky notes. There's usually close to a dozen stuck around my desk at any given time. I have a stack of probably 50 of them with names and numbers that I keep in a drawer and call my Rolodex. And since I can never throw anything away, I keep all the sticky notes I don't need anymore in a pile off to the side.

2. I'm a weird sandwich eater. I usually end up remaking sandwiches that I buy, because I can't stand for there to be, say, three layers of ham and two layers of turkey. There has to be two of each. I don't like meat hanging off to the side, so I'll tear it off so it's even with the bread. And no lettuce or cheese or anything like that. Plain, on either wheat or rye, and I'll put on my own mustard, because I don't want it to be uneven or for there to be too much. It drives people crazy.

3. Like most Jersey girls, I did my time working in the mall during the summers and I LOVED it! I really did. It was so much fun. I was a total stock room slut. You could go hide behind all the back-to-school clothes and make out to your heart's content. I shared my stock room with the security guys, and I am here to tell you that they TOTALLY spy on girls with the cameras. Not in the dressing rooms or anything, but they totally use the cameras to follow hot girls around and zoom down their shirts. At the end of the month, when they have to hit their shoplifter quota, they get down to business, but the rest of the time? Complete, perverted voyeurs.

4. I make pretty good chocolate chip cookies. The trick is taking them out of the oven a minute before you think you should, because then they don't get hard. I bring them to work whenever it's someone's birthday.

5. I've never gone to sleep without washing my face. Maybe when I was a little kid, but definitely not since I was, like, 9 or 10. Never, ever, ever. I could not handle it. No matter where I am, or how late it is, or how tired I am, I wash my face. (I hate brushing my teeth at night, though. I skip it a lot, or floss instead.) I'm pretty anal about certain aspects of my routine. I always pluck my eyebrows and steam my face on Monday nights. I always use a deep conditioner on Tuesday. I always work out on elliptical No. 3 at the gym, and it totally annoys me when someone else is using MY machine at MY usual time. I think it's mostly just habit or discipline or something, because I am SO not like that in other ways. Other than the sandwiches, I guess. (I do NOT have OCD! I promise!)

6. I had my appendix taken out in a town called Ogallala, Nebraska, when I was 10. We were driving across the country, and spent in the night in ... oh, I can't remember. Somewhere. Anyway, I could not stop barfing. I was running to the bathroom every five minutes, all night long, to puke. My mom got mad at me, too--she was like, "If you would just lie still on your side, you'd stop throwing up!" Yeah, Mom. When all the food was gone and I started throwing up bile, she was like, "Hmm ... maybe we should get her to a doctor." We drove for maybe an hour until it was obvious I needed to get somewhere NOW, so we stopped at the closest hospital, which was in Ogallala and looked TOTALLY ghetto from the outside, and they rushed me into surgery for an emergency appendectomy at 6 a.m. I remember a few things very clearly: I threw up my first post-surgery meal all over myself, and it was green from the nasty-ass green Jell-O. I hit the call button a thousand times and no one came, so I got out of bed and grabbed my IV and walked down the hall, dripping vomit down the front of my gown, to the nurses' station. They completely freaked out when they saw me. I remember the anesthesia didn't take at first (same thing happened when I got my wisdom teeth taken out--I totally fight it) and the doctor looking over in the operating room and going, "Why is she still awake?!?" I thought I'd done something wrong so I squeezed my eyes shut and then worried to death that they were going to cut me open while I was still conscious. I remember a whole bunch of interns coming in afterward and telling me that they observed my surgery, and one of them--this cute, cute, cute blond guy--came in later and sat with me while my parents were gone and watched some Lifetime movie with me. I LOVED HIM! (I had totally forgotten about him until Grey's Anatomy, and then I was like, he was George! A cute, blond George!) And finally, the doctor asking me if I'd had a bowel movement yet. I had no idea what he was talking about until my dad whispered "poop" to me, and then I lied and said yes so I could get discharged. I didn't poop for days after that and I was so scared I'd gotten broken somehow and I'd die because I'd lied about it.

One more thing: I had horrible poison ivy the week before, which they think MAYBE caused it, and I haven't had poison ivy since. I'm immune now! Random, right?

Anyway. You can't even see my scar and I got my ears pierced two weeks later because my mom felt bad for yelling at me when I was projectile vomiting, so it wasn't such a bad deal.

So there you have it. Six things. Come back tomorrow for ... I'm not sure what. Something!


At 7:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

okay..first...you were awake for surgery?!?! At least at first? OMG! That is what scares me most of all about having surgery...being awake and feeling everything, but no being able to tell anybody that I'm awake!! SCARY!

and the sandwich thing? You're wierd!! although I totally agree about the meat hanging over thing....that's just gross and then all you get is a bite of meat. YUK!

Your life is very ordered, isn't it?! ;)

At 8:03 AM, Blogger Karitown said...

Too funny. The sandwich thing is so my son. He can only eat tuna immediately after it's made. And ice cream only when I first open it. Strange food issues. None of his food can touch either.

At 8:50 AM, Blogger Trish Ryan said...

At least now when you projectile vomit, your sandwiches come up neat - equal parts turkey, ham and mustard :)

At 8:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We will have to have a chocolate chip cookie bake-off because I think that I make the best cookies!

And as a mom I usually have a "wait and see" attitude when my kids are sick or hurt...because sometimes you just can't tell. When my middle son was 11 he broke his elbow but I didn't take him in until later that afternoon when it started turning black...turns out he had to have surgery to put it back together. My poor baby, I still feel bad.

At 11:33 AM, Blogger Bina said...

#5 is TOTALLY me. I CAN NOT go to bed without washing my face OR brushing my teeth. I don't know what it is, but I can't. Yet, I can get in the bed and wonder why I can still see the TV and then realize my contacts are still in! LOL

Yea, the sandwich thing is kinda weird, but hey, we all have our issues, right? LOL

At 4:17 PM, Blogger Frannie Farmer said...

Heck, I don't even know where to start.
The sandwich thing, I guess. I can't eat pre-made sandwhiches, I have to see them being made and no, no, no there should not be anything hanging over. The evenness thing, well I suppose it makes sense, I just never thought about it.
I love sticky notes too, sometimes when I get *cute* ones I save them to use for a *special* occasion, which you know never comes.
My mom always yelled at me when I vomited - I still sorta freak when I do it now, even when I had morning sickness. Maybe that is why I went bulimic for so long (pay back ya know??)
I can't make chocolate chip cookies - I always leave them in too long, even when I tell myself I NEED to take them out now.
Gotta wash the face. Ii actually like to brush my teeth at night, but don't like to in the morning (but I DO), I always get gaggy, I think it is from the morning sickness that I had w/every.single.baby!
Ok, back to your blog. Sorry!

At 5:15 PM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

LOL @ the sandwich thing. Have you seen "Spinal Tap?" There's a funny bit about party trays in the dressing room with sandwich-making stuff and the guy hates that tiny Pepperidge Farm bread, cuz the meat's hanging over the side. Cracks me up everytime.

At 6:41 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

Oh, my gosh, you guys are too funny.

Beth, my life is NOT ORDERED at ALL! I should post a picture of my desk. Or my car. Or my bathroom. Then you'd see! :)

At 7:58 PM, Anonymous Eileen said...

I've never heard of OCD being limited to sandwichs. First time for everything. I can honestly admit I never noticed meat overhang.

At 9:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

me too, I am a post it note Queen. Even at my desk at home, I have tons of sticky notes everywhere. I have to write everything down.

Sandwich OCD - that is funny, but I can totally see wanting the mustard to be even and meat even w. the bread ;)

Aiyee-- awake at the beginning of surgery...SCARY

At 11:09 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

I wake up under twilight. Because my blood pressure is so low and I've had complications in the past with the breathing too, so they are afraid to knock me out..I'm like bring it on! I'll pull through, I always do! Then afterwards they ask how you are doing and I say fine except when I was whimpering oww oww and AWAKE. Then they say no you just think you were awake. yeah right Nurse Ratchet. i was there bitch.

At 12:33 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

Swish, I am pretty sure that you did not wash your face the time you came in at 5 a.m. during the writing conference??!?!? There is NO WAY you washed your face!!!

Love your list. Love the sandwich thingy you spaz.

At 4:07 PM, Blogger Drew Blackstone said...

Always, always tell the truth about pooping. Those fibs always come back to haunt you. :)

At 11:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i know this is a year and a half late but i've found your blog through bricks explode and loved it so i've been catching up on old posts during down time at work. anyway, i had to comment on this when i saw ogallala. i'm from nebraska and was devastated in 3rd grade when my 'boyfriend' moved there. every year after that i would steal the school picture that his mom would send along with the christmas letter. love the blog!


Post a Comment

<< Home