Happy holidays, everyone!
I can't believe how bad I've been about posting! I seriously have started a bunch of times and then I've remembered, oh crap, I forgot to order this online, or oh, crap, I need to wrap this present, or oh, crap, I have to run the dishwasher before 10 p.m. Not that it's easy to sidetrack me or anything!
So here, in no particular order, is a mess of stuff I WOULD have blogged about had I gotten my act together sooner:
* I got to do something so cool last week--I hung out on the sideline at Monday Night Football. I stood right next to the players and watched the game, and I got to walk around along the field wherever I wanted. It was very, very fun. They hit each other HARD! Holy crap. And even though you know the quarterback throws a tight spiral and the kicker hits the ball with enough oomph to send it 40 yards, it's different when they're doing it two feet away. It's way cool.
And seriously? NFL cheerleaders? Not that hot. They wear SO MUCH BODY MAKEUP! It's really scary up close, and every guy I was around said the same thing. They wear this flesh-colored spandex, too, to hold them in. My friend always tells me that I can't admit when other girls are hot--which is SO NOT TRUE, because I have a TOTAL girl crush on Heidi Klum--but I think you should know that you probably look just as good if not better than some of those girls in real life. Consider that my holiday present to you.
* Our work party was at Dave & Buster's--they're all over the place, right? So you know what I'm talking about? Anyway, we had some appetizers and drinks and then they gave us these little cards to play games. My favorite is the pop-a-shot thing. I LOVE IT! I beat our human resources guy and he demanded a rematch, and then I beat him again. So now he calls me "Champ" every time he sees me, and all these people keep telling me about how he's going around the building talking about how I beat him. I'm not the ultimate champion, though. I got beat two out of three times by my work BFF, even though I got my high scores of the day against him. Somehow I ended up with extra cards, though, so the rematch is ON. If he's not too scared. Which, honestly, he might be. I'll keep you posted.
* Remember how I got pulled over for having expired plates? I finally got the registration renewed, and the day before my court date I went to pay the one ticket and pitch a fit on the other one. The woman was SO SNOTTY to me about the insurance ticket! I TOLD her the cop said he messed up, and of course she didn't believe me. I guess I wouldn't necessarily believe me, either, but COME ON! So you know I totally made her call the cop. She's all, "He doesn't remember you," and I was like, "Oh, trust me, he will." So he came in, and remembered me as soon as he saw me, and long story short, he tore up my ticket. YES! VICTORY!
OK, but listen to this. I'm waiting in the lobby of the police station for him to show up, right? So while I'm waiting, these two girls come in and ask to speak to this one detective. The detective comes out, and it's not like I MEANT to eavesdrop, but hello! It's a small lobby! Anyway, the girls came to file a report because they worked for this doctor whose paychecks to them bounced (some of their coworkers already had been in). But then ALL THIS OTHER STUFF starts coming out. Like, for example, the doctor FORGED his medical malpractice insurance because he couldn't afford it. He had pharmaceutical reps come from all over and bring him samples, which he then TOOK HIMSELF! And no one really knows if he's even certified to practice medicine, even though he has a ton of patients. CRAZY, right? And it all came out because he started bouncing checks to his employees. I was like, holy crap, can you imagine finding out your doctor is addicted to pain meds and might not even be allowed to practice medicine? It was TOTALLY scandalous. The detective kept looking at me all incredulous (looks, of course, I pretended I didn't see, since I wasn't *really* listening) and at one point he's all, "I feel like I'm on a soap opera!" I was like, you and me both, buddy. It was like every time he asked them a question, he unearthed another little piece of dirt on this guy. It was SO real-life Law and Order.
* Speaking of doctors (hopefully fully licensed, ethical ones!) I went to get my mysterious bruises checked out this week. They ran a bazillion blood tests, and everything came back OK. I have to get more iron in my system, but that's it. So, phew. Swishy lives to see another day.
* I talked to Matthew Fox (you know, from Party of Five and Lost) last week and he was ummm ... a bit boring. Sad! It reaffirms my belief that no matter how hot a guy is, it doesn't matter if he's not funny.
* I got my final Secret Santa presents, and they were (drum roll) ... a Team Jolie T-shirt and an "I Love Grey's" magnet for my desk! How fun is that?!? I told the girl she ruined me for all future Secret Santas.
* I'm at my parents' house for Christmas. I actually have to fly home on Christmas (boooo!) so I came up a couple days early. Isn’t it funny how you completely revert to your 13-year-old self when you’re in your parents’ house? We had to cram everyone in one car this morning, which meant someone had to sit in the middle. And my sister--a financial analyst in the Bay area, a GROWN, PROFESSIONAL WOMAN, for crying out loud--ran to the car first and locked the door after her so no one could scoot in and move her to the middle. I think we all know who ended up sitting in the middle. But did I let it go after that? Of course I didn't. I made fun of her the entire car ride, and every time we went around a corner, I fell extra hard into her just to be a pain in the ass. I'm SO mature.
All right, everyone. I hope you’re happy and safe and having a great week. My New Year’s resolution: not to be such a blog slacker!