Waiting for My Real Life to Begin

The life and times of a girl named Swishy.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Fight club

Get this: Thursday night, I throw on a skirt and notice this big bruise spanning nearly the entire width of my left thigh, right above the knee. I have no idea how or when I got it. I kinda, sorta, vaguely remember bumping into something in the middle of the night, but what else is new--I probably do that every other night.

So then Friday morning I wake up, and there are two new bruises on my right thigh in about the same place. There's also a small bruise on my right hand and another bruise on my left wrist.

Saturday morning, I wake up and the bruise on my wrist is bigger, and there's another one on my right leg. They're multiplying like jackrabbits in heat. They don't hurt. The ones on my right leg are black and blue, but the other ones started off that dull brown color, the way they usually look after they've been there a few days. I'm completely obsessed with them. Like, COMPLETELY. I look at them every two seconds. I take their pictures and hang them up on the fridge. I can't get enough of them.

So far I've resisted the temptation to Google "rapidly multiplying bruises" and see how many different, potentially fatal, blood diseases I could be suffering from, because I actually think the real explanation must be that I've been sleepwalking my way to fight club every night.

But shhhh! You know what the first rule of fight club is. I'll totally deny we had this conversation if it comes up.

22 Comments:

At 2:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a little scary...

It's probably blogger sending out Boris and Natasha to rough you up in the middle of the night and get you to switch.

Stuff like that you don't want to google or you'll never know what you'll find :-/

 
At 5:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

aww...Fight Club. I love me some fight club cuz my Brad is looking so hot in that movie.

ya, don't google it....it's probably some rare blood disorder and you have 3 weeks to live or something. That is wierd tho.

I agree with trish...it's Blogger!!! Switch! Switch!!

 
At 5:27 PM, Anonymous Ramblin Rose said...

ewww SCARY SCARY!!! I'd be freakin out by now....


Hope its not serious... AND DO NOT GOOGLE OR YOU'LL go nuts...

 
At 8:35 PM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

Would they call that sleepfighting? That is just so weird. No wait, it's really not. Happens to me all the time. I've got a doozie on the back of my leg and have no memory of how it happened. I wonder if we get beat up in our sleep, what other fun things can we accomplish? Fun to think about. Ditto on the do not google it.

 
At 10:03 PM, Blogger TTQ said...

I woke up to five claw marks from the edge of my eye to my hairline. I also woke up and said OOOOWWW!!! WTF?!!! Apparently the doberman made a sudden move to the cat who sleeps above my head, and she hightailed it to the headboard out of harms way. Across my face. Across my effen face.

 
At 11:03 PM, Blogger Sara Hantz said...

I can't advise you not to Google, because that's exactly what I'd do. But if they keep appearing you need to do something about it!

 
At 7:44 AM, Anonymous Maia said...

I had a similar obsession last summer when I woke up with a dozen welts here and there. Turns out a spider had crawled into bed with me (I know!) and kept biting me. Do you think you might be sleeping with spiders, Swishy? You might be having an allergic reaction to something or need some damn vitamin. I don't recommend Google, you are just going to find out you have every disease under the sun.

 
At 11:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't google! Try a multi-vitamin.

When I was little, I woke up with a huge fat lip one morning. I was convinced my little sister must have punched me during the night and started plotting payback. Then my Mom told me that I'd gotten up to go to the bathroom, gone back to my room, slipped on the floor, slid under my bed, and whacked my face against the bed frame, waking up the whole house. I however, had no recollection of this happening.

In addition to a multivitamin, you might want to volunteer for observation in one of those sleep studies, just so someone will keep an eye on you!!!

 
At 5:48 PM, Blogger Frannie Farmer said...

ok, don't google. But do see your Dr. if they continue for more than a week. It could be serious and you just don't want to mess w/that.
Seriously ... I used to get bruises like crazy and it turned out to be some strange thing to do w/a medication I was on.
I still get them but not as bad.

 
At 11:09 PM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

Swishy, honey.....it's probably just drunken stumbling. Don't freak out. Don't google it. Don't call the doc. Just keep an eye out and if it keep happening, then do some research. Meanwhile, just keep bumping off the walls and furniture after having a fun night out.

Actually - that just sounded so drunken - but really, relax. Who hasn't had a bruise or two with no explanation? *deep breath* Feel better?

 
At 2:55 AM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

Cruisermel, Swishy does not drink.

I'm going to Google it for you and will call you with my prognosis!

 
At 9:13 AM, Blogger Karitown said...

No google, no google!!!

And yeah, I have to switch blogger too. Very very strange.

 
At 3:57 PM, Blogger Jess Riley said...

What on earth are you doing in your sleep, woman? Get thee some Vitamin C, stat!

(Laughing at the fridge posting bit.)

 
At 8:29 PM, Blogger Golightly said...

Love that you titled it Fight Club, hee hee.

I'd be scared too - don't Google it.

I sometimes end up with some random bruised and people's answer for it is usually that I don't have enough vitamin C in my system...so maybe that's it?!?

 
At 11:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's awfully strange...sort of scary too. Maybe you should do a careful check before you go to bed to compare with when you get up.

Then again...maybe you're already doing that. Just a thought--not a very inspired one, but a thought just the same.

 
At 5:54 PM, Anonymous Eileen said...

Tsk- just what are you getting up to? I have this image of you sound asleep and swinging away.

 
At 10:46 AM, Blogger cubmommy said...

Merry Christmas Swishy!

At your next Fight Club say Hi to Brad Pitt for me.

 
At 10:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fight Club was interesting...weird but interesting. And I've had bruises appear on my body like magic...hmmm, wonder if we were in the same club? Snort.

 
At 4:47 PM, Blogger Manic Mom said...

MERRY SWISHMAS! I LOVE YA! I TRULY DO!

 
At 6:44 PM, Blogger Scribe LA said...

Happy Holidays, Swishy!!
Thanks for the good wishes... and I send them right back at ya:-)
Scribe

 
At 1:21 AM, Blogger Frannie Farmer said...

Merry Christmas Miss Swish .. hope that your holidays are as terrific as you deserve.
Blessings,
Frannie

 
At 2:43 PM, Blogger Swishy said...

Thank you, everyone! I love my blog friends. I hope everyone's having a fantastic holiday!

 

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